A/N: Some of the lines are taken directly from the episode Haven. No Copyright or Plagiarism is intended.
She's My Haven
Commander's Personnel Log Stardate: 41294.5
I returned to the Enterprise keeping as much secrets I could to myself and doing my best to not allow the way my friends looked at me to bother me too much. I knew it would be hard to come back to such a limited form but I missed my friends and I wanted to finish exploring in the only way that had been opened to me before my gift. Most of the crew felt afraid and I did my best to show everyone that I wouldn't hurt them. It took some time but after a couple of weeks everyone seemed to be adjusting better including me. I was in my quarters enjoying a little music, played by two beautiful women I had summoned from the Delta Quadrant. I knew that I didn't have time before my shift started, so it was no surprise when I received a COM message.
I waved my hand and they returned, to their point of origin and I took the long way to the transporter room. I had just finished a three hour long lecture that I didn't wish to repeat anytime soon.
The Captain really didn't like me at the moment, I just agitate him too much being a Q now. The Captain believes Q's to be immature and destructive, if he only knew he was looking into the mirror and at himself. If my father was everything the Captain claimed he was the Earth would have been annihilated long before humans even left for the stars.
The Captain's comment about "dealing with one Q, being enough, having two on his back would cause him too much problems" had me agreeing to be as humanoid as possible abroad the Enterprise, at least in front of my shipmates. That seemed to appease Captain Picard, for the time being at least. I believe he is just a bit cross since he lost the bet with Q and now has to deal with him more frequently than he might prefer.
I finally made it to the transporter room to join Tasha, Geordi, and the Transporter Chief. We were receiving a sliver betazoid gift box, and I felt dread creep up my spine, oh, great, not this, not now. I had yet to reconcile what I was going to do about my relationship with Deanna and I had too many things on my mind to deal with a bonding gift. I decided to play stupid. It helped my Enterprise family to be more at ease around me. Deanna enters the room, surprised to see us huddled at a chest. Tasha gasps as the Face's eyes pop open. The Face grins wildly - it seems overjoyed with the news it is about to reveal.
"Lwaxana Troi and the honorable Miller Family will soon arrive! The momentous day is close at hand! Rejoice!"
The Face then abruptly goes back to sleep.
"No, oh NO...!"
Everyone turns to look at Deanna, who is stunned and mute. The Chest Bangs and the door flew open, dozens of brightly-colored gems and trinkets spill out.
Deanna slowly turns and looks me in the eye. Letting everyone in the room know that they were wedding presents and she would be getting married soon. She asked me to come with her to inform the Captain. We walked into the Captain's ready room in silence, I am highly agitated. Deanna is the woman I love, although I hadn't made any commitments, a mistake I hoped to be able to rectify if given the chance. I know that Captain Picard is sorry to lose his top quality counselor and curious over how it happened - and also curious about the effect of this on me.
"I was certain it would never happen, Captain. The years I'd spend on this mission, the distance it has taken me away from home...As you must have heard, genetic bonding is a Betazoid tradition."
I couldn't help but to roll my eyes and turn around as she told the Captain that she didn't think it was possible! Well she sure was wrong! I couldn't control my anger as I tuned back into the conversation, and I had to voice something before I broke my word to the Captain.
"But your father was human, Deanna. The Millers are human..."
Captain Picard chose to diffuse the situation by ignoring my statement, but then made things worse by asking Deanna if her and her husband would be staying onboard the Enterprise.
I could see she was close to crying again. I felt like my heart was breaking, she would be leaving completely. I guess it was better than watching her in an unhappy or worse yet happy marriage. Still I couldn't think about the possibility of never seeing her again. I had to turn away again before I did something Q-like and never bring her back. I just stood there and watched as the Captain walked over and took Deanna's hand.
"Then... I'll just say congratulations for now, Deanna. If you'll excuse me."
We nod and mumble an assent, our eyes very much on each other. Leaning up against the wall, I collected myself and turned towards Deanna.
"Will ... more than anything else in the world ... anything ... you want to be a starship captain. True?"
"That's not all I want Deanna." I love you, Deanna."
"I can feel that. I know you love me... within those limits."
We look at each other. She has invited me to say more and I considered it. What could I say she had a valid point? If I had still been human I would have told her I wanted to get married and stay onboard the Enterprise together. However, could a Q be with a human? I had learned all the rules and consequences of being a Q, but this predicament had never come before the Continuum. I would hurt Deanna by jumping into proposing without knowing if we could even be together. I was something more than human, but I knew if I was allowed to be with Deanna then I would have her at my side.
"Did you hear carefully what I said?"
"Every word, I'm sorry."
"Come dance at my wedding."
Was she trying to kill me, God help me!
I walked right into Data on the way out. I was so upset that even in that short time he could see that something was wrong with me. I walked to my quarters and once there, I left the Enterprise and headed to the Continuum with a wave of my hand.
I appeared directly into my personal space of the Continuum. This is the best way to explain where I was that a human mind understands. I design and create the space to whatever I need at any given moment, from anywhere in the universe and completely in or out of the space-time continuum. I understood how, but if I let my human mind take over I still struggle, even now. I feel like I still have the human part of me, and right now my emotions are operating on the human half, with the need to sulk for a while, maybe a century or two.
"Q son, my I enter?"
"Yes father, come in please."
"What is the matter? You have gotten all your new relatives worried about you, including your mother. Is there anything we can help you with? After all you did save the entire Continuum from extinction."
"I am upset because Deanna is getting married to someone she hasn't seen in nearly three decades, if ever, and I don't know if I can marry her and give her the life I know she wants. As a Q, am I even allowed to be with a being other than another Q? If I could marry her would we be able to have children? If so would the child be like me and too much for Deanna to handle? I thought that there would be more time for me to learn about all the new rules of my life. If we could be together then I wanted her to get use to the new me before continuing our relationship!"
"I will answer your questions in order and let you know what is going on, just give me some time, and try not to interrupt me. Is that alright with you?"
"Yes father, please continue I will not interrupt."
"Your first question, can you marry another race besides the Q? While it is not forbidden, it has never happened. As you know the Q's have a responsibility to guard and guide the many different universes and because of this responsibility we simply didn't get married to any other beings besides another Q. Many didn't marry at all, feeling that they didn't have enough time to devote to a partner or family. In order for a marriage to take place you would need the agreement of the entire Q Continuum. If you should choose to marry outside of the Q, then your partner must be worthy, by exhibiting exceptional good moral character."
"When can we call the meeting to decide?"
"We can start as soon as I answer all your questions."
"Alright, then on to my next question please."
"Can Deanna and you have children and would she be able to handle children like you? The answer is not right away and no to the second. She would have to be another Q to give birth to your children, or you must reach the age of full Q maturity, two more human months, in order for Deanna to give birth while still human. I would not suggest that you go this route. Deanna would not be able to see the child until one human year later, and miss out on her child's entire infanthood. Infant Q's have everything we full grown Q have, but without the control of an adult. It would be disastrous to unleash an infant onboard a ship or anywhere in the material world. In addition although your child would know his/her mother the child wouldn't listen or respect her as he/she should."
"Why can't Deanna be made a Q right away if she is found to be acceptable as my wife?"
"It would be for her own good, a telepath would have a harder time adjusting to the Continuum, and Deanna is already open to the many minds around her. Being open to the minds of the Q would cause her great harm. She would have to be taught how to close that part of herself off so that she could adjust slowly. Their minds are too powerful, as a new Q, it would drive her mad. Go slow son, she is afraid of the new you. Give her time to see that you are still the same person she knew, it will help her not feel so far removed from you. It is hard for a mortal to wrap their mind around the fact that we are omnipotent and omnipresent. It is like a mortal meeting a God, exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
"I am glad that I kept your gift and that it turned out for the Continuum's wellbeing. It is interesting that since you made me Q I have your essence making you my father by "blood." What would have happened if I had returned your gift?"
"Even if you had returned the gift, you would have still been my son. I would not have told you, and you would have died a mortal without ever having known. When I chose you to receive the gift it was not a light choice to make. I was trying to save the continuum from itself and pick someone of high character that would not cause chaos in the universe. If I was as immature as the Captain believes me to be there wouldn't be a universe left for him to explore. If I had given my abilities to someone less worthy, then they could have destroyed everything that we Q work hard to oversee and protect. The humans are tied with the Q, through you and even if I had lost the bet with the Captain, you would always be a Q, with the shell of a human. I could have come to the Enterprise whenever I wanted because you would have been aboard. The Captain seems to think me not only immature but unintelligent as well. In his overconfidence he forgot that I have been making bets longer than he has been alive, and I would have found a way to win, even if at first it seems that I had lost. But, back to your problem we need to call a conference of the Continuum to decide if you have permission to marry Deanna. I believe the chances are in your favor."
"Yes, let's do and then I am going back to the Enterprise after I calm down. I have all the time in the universe to be a Starship Captain and a family man. I am not going to make the same mistake the Continuum made and choose only duty, I can have both. Speaking of family father, when do you plan to start giving me a little brother or sister?"
"Well, after staying single for so long I think your mother and I will enjoy each other for a while before having anymore children! I am having a hard enough time now and you are fully grown and able to take care of yourself! I think our Continuum needs to rebalance itself before any of us go about making little Q's. That includes you also son! Don't make me a grandfather before I have had time to enjoy being a father."
"Alright, just don't make me an only child for too much longer. I have always wanted to be a big brother!"
"You, better not be planning to give me trouble Junior, by teaching your sibling foolish human jokes." Q laughingly says
"Trouble, why would you think that father?" I smirk
"Because son, I wasn't born yesterday!"
"I'll try father. Goodnight and thank you for helping me."
"Goodnight son. I love you and I am happy about your decision. I will let your mother know, and hopefully we will be attending your wedding soon.
"Thanks, love you too." I laughingly smiled.
Captain Picard would probably have mechanical heart failure if he knew how we behaved around each other. I had always wanted a father who was there for me, instead of on a starship all the time. That was part of the reason I didn't want to commit with Deanna, I didn't want to never be there for my children and have them hate me. My new father helped me see that I could have both. It amazes me that as busy as he is, he still gives me his time and attention when I need him. Q has been in charge of this universe before Earth was even formed. He has had a rough time keeping everything from falling apart with the way all the aliens are fighting against each other. A more dangerous time is coming in protecting all his worlds as well as our own people, hopefully by accepting his gift I made it easier for him. Yes, the Captain really misjudged my father. Hopefully, he will see that he is trying to lead us to peace and freedom. After the conference was called I left for the Enterprise, they would reconvened and give me their decision when they reached the final vote. I was onboard the bridge when we were hailed by the inhabitants of Haven. They were seeking our assistance in defending themselves from an unidentified vessel.
Perhaps this new assignment could help me take my mind off of everything I am dealing with. I really needed a distraction from my personal turmoil. It wasn't long before we found the ship and I really didn't know what was going to happen. On Screen, is a small ship of strange unearthly design. Its center is a shiny globe. Though clearly alien, there is a pleasing quality to the ship, which gives off a soft, violet glow.
"Mister Data! Am I seeing the trouble I believe is there?"
"If you mean a Tarellian vessel, you are, sir."
I was startled by this information.
"I thought the Tarellians were finished! What are the poor devils doing here?
The Captain turned to me.
"There's no way I'll permit them to destroy us. And the treaty here forces us to protect this world too."
Captain Picard, Beverly, Geordi, Tasha, Data, Deanna, and I were seated around the table in the Conference Room.
"A Class M world, very much like Earth, with similar humanoid life forms, facing the old story of their hatreds outrunning their intelligence." Data
"Hostilities between the two land masses?" Captain Picard
"Yes, ending with one of them... it doesn't really matter which... unleashing a deadly biological weapon on the other." Data
"And naturally the other also became infected in the end...It makes one question the intelligence of humanoid forms." Beverly
"Are you acquainted with the facts of the infection, Doctor?" Captain Picard
"Yes, they had reached Earth's late-twentieth century, early twenty-first century level, which was all that is needed if you're a damned fool. A highly deadly, extra-infectious virus... at that modest level of knowledge is not that difficult to grow." Beverly
"We learned the rest of the story in security training. Some of the Tarellians made it to other worlds only to die along with the populations they infected." Tasha
"It's pretty well covered in Academy training now, Captain. Many of them tried to avoid other inhabited worlds as they escaped... only to be hunted down and destroyed anyway." Geordi
"Unfortunately, we had believed the last Tarellian vessel was destroyed eight years ago by the Alcyones. Exactly when will they reach Haven Data?" Captain Picard
"Exactly thirteen hours, nine minutes, twenty-one..." Data
"Which will create a very difficult problem for the Enterprise at that time, our treaty here requires us to protect Haven from alien threats ... and a plague ship certainly qualifies as that. But Federation policy requires us to assist life forms in need ... which qualifies the Tarellians too. I'll want you to help me find some answers by then."
The Captain pauses, and then makes another announcement to his assembled bridge crew.
"All of which gives ample time for your second assignment. The pre-joining dinner of Counselor Deanna Troi will proceed as planned."
I was agitated so I got up and walked right out of the Conference Room before my other side took over. The next time I would see anyone on the Enterprise would be at the pre-joining dinner party. The dinner party was already in progress, attended by all the Bridge Officers, in ceremonial dress.
"We've talked it over, Captain and we would like you to perform the ceremony." Victoria Miller
"I'd be honored, Mrs. Miller."
"Impossible. The captain is not practiced in the ways of Betazed joining." Mrs. Troi
"This will be a traditional Earth ceremony!" Victoria Miller
"I'm sorry, but it proceeds out of a Betazed bonding. Mrs. Troi
"And I am sorry, Lwaxana, but my family and I are living on Earth now..." Victoria Miller
"So that's why you want that barbaric ritual. Terrible, Captain, to see a woman go downhill like this... Mrs. Troi
"Downhill?!" Victoria Miller
"The human ritual is out of the question!" Mrs. Troi
"Who are you to tell us what's out of the question?" Victoria
Oh boy, here it comes, really Mrs. Miller should have known better than to challenge Lwaxana Troi. Here comes just a few of her titles.
"Your ignorance is astonishing. I am Lwaxana Troi: Daughter of The Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed. Who are you?
"Excuse me, everyone, but dinner is served... and by Starfleet tradition, all disputes and disagreements are thereby resolved.
Everyone is seated around the table. Stewards are busy serving food.
"A toast, to the young couple and their families may this union be a happy and productive one. Captain Picard
I had to put down my drink for that toast. I most assuredly didn't want to think about that. Wyatt seemed nice but he really didn't strike me as being suited for Deanna. Everyone else drinks to the Captain's toast.
"Is it true, Captain – that there's a Tarellian ship, headed for Haven? Wyatt
"Yes, it's true."
"That's amazing! I've read everything I could about them. Biological virus analysis was a favorite subject at medical school. Wyatt
Shouldn't he be thinking about his upcoming wedding? What was I thinking! Let him think about virus analysis, while I think about Deanna and hopefully getting the decision from the Continuum soon.
"In which case, I'd very much like to meet with you, sir. I'm pleased to have a medical colleague aboard. Beverly
A bell rings out. It's a small bell, but it gives off a shrill Ring. Mr. Homn hits it after every bite Mrs. Troi takes.
"Yes, ma'am... Uh, Doctor? Would it be possible to prepare some medical supplies, geared toward the Tarellian's probable needs? We could beam it over without any fear of infection. Wyatt
"What do you think, Doctor?" Captain Picard
The bell RINGS again... It's becoming highly distractive. If Homns didn't quit ringing that bell I swear I was going to kill him.
"I think it's a considerate idea. Sickbay's at your disposal, Doctor." Beverly
"Thank you, Doctor." Wyatt
Homn RINGS the bell again as Mrs. Troi takes another bite.
"Must he do that?" Victoria Miller
"As you well know, it is the Betazed way of giving thanks for the food we eat. Mrs. Troi
"You? Giving thanks? Besides, you never did this before." Victoria Miller
"I do it now. Unlike some people, I am in growth." Mrs. Troi
As if to prove her point, she takes a big bite – Homn Rings the bell accordingly. I can feel my head is about to explode.
It's clear I'm unhappy for anyone who cares to look. I look up to see Deanna gazing at me from across the table. We lock eyes. We each have so much to say, and so little time. And this is not the place. I decide to stand and turn to the Captain.
"Captain... If I may be excused...to spend some time considering the Tarellian situation...
Rising I give a slight bow.
"Ladies and Gentlemen."
I exit as quickly as possible. My father was calling me anyway for the decision of the Continuum and all I could hope was that it was in my favor.