Fathers and Sons
Chapter One - Heroes
I'm no hero.
My dad wasn't either.
I used to think he was.
When I believed.
When I was blinded by love and respect.
For a long time I thought he could do no wrong.
I followed orders.
It took a long time for the shine to fall away.
For reality to beat me down.
For me to accept the truth.
He was scared and drunk and wrong much of the time.
He bullied and left us.
Kids alone to face the unknown.
Even when he knew what waited in the dark.
All standard disclaimers apply.
I absolutely freaking LOVE John Winchester, but I am also not blind to his faults! I think his relationships with his sons were complicated. I think he faced unimaginable terror for a father and he was paralyzed by it much of the time. Regardless, he loved his boys, that is indisputable for me and yet, he made mistakes. He damaged them inadvertently…but he also made them strong and together with Bobby, they raised amazing boys. Boys who turned into men who care and fight for right, who are loyal and true and loving. Men who are heroes.
A boy looks to his father to see who he wants to be as a man. He sees himself in his father. I think that's part of Dean's problem with his self-esteem and him not seeing his own heroics. He believed so strongly in his father that once that was stripped away, he had no clue what was left. If all you ever believed in is thought wrong, then how do you find the right in what you do?
I hope Jeremy Carver finds a way to bring John back. As busy as Jeffrey Dean Morgan is, he has repeatedly expressed interest in redefining who John Winchester was. He is not, nor has he ever been, a deadbeat dad! Dean needs to see the real John, the John between the dad he idolized and the father he came to despise. Dean needs to reconcile the two extremes because neither does justice to the complicated man John Winchester was and the hard road he traveled.