Chapter Twelve – What Once Was
I never knew the Dad Dean knew.
The average guy.
Never felt the loss of that.
When I met young John in the past.
Talked to him about what he wanted for his children.
It opened my eyes to the loss.
For all of us.
He never wanted this.
Wouldn't think of pulling his kids into the life.
And yet he did.
I understand that now.
I wish Dean could know that man again.
The Dad he lost the night Mom died.
I know he'd like him.
Maybe then he could forgive.
All standard disclaimers apply.
In many ways Sam got to know their dad better than Dean did. John somehow opened up to him more, in the talk about the college funds in Dean Man's Blood and that lovely talk of outrage that young John had when he learned that Sam and Dean were brought up as hunters by their irresponsible father! Sam showed his compassion and understanding and forgiveness towards his father in a true moment of growth.
Maybe it was John felt the need to explain more. Sam pushing him to it and as a loving father he took the challenge and opened his heart.
Dean always appeared closer to his dad, but all of that revolved around hunting and following orders, playing the 'role' of the perfect son and not upsetting the balance of power that John imposed on his boys. I think Dean was afraid to tread into dangerous emotional territory and convinced himself it was all 'necessary' and hence didn't challenge his dad or expect better.
John took that as acceptance, then took it further by taking the easy way out, continuing to accept what Dean offered. Dean's purpose in life, the care of his family and the drive to hunt all things evil, served John's purpose for Dean well. I still hope that Dean will get that talk of resolution, that insight and understanding of where John's head was at and most importantly, truly feel the love. Dean needs to feel that love and pride John has for him as a son and as a man, not just as a hunter.
Thanks for indulging my musings. Comments always appreciated.
Take care, B.J.