And here we go. This is probably way too immature and such for anyone to actually like, but I had fun writing it, so here we go. xP The entire thing is done, and I'm also starting work on a 1990 movie parody.
Movie begins with a totally necessary four minute slideshow with pretty black-and-white pictures.
Flies: *are buzzing ominously*
Whoever cast this thing: It says here that Ralph's tall, handsome, and 'built like a boxer.' *prolonged silence* Let's make him scrawny with funny teeth!
Everyone there: Yaaaaay!
Random jungle noises: *are made*
Ralph: Ahh! What was that! Oh, it was just random jungle noises. Onward!
Whoever cast this thing: Piggy's supposed to be overweight. Let's make him look like every kid in America in 2012!
Everyone there: Yaaaay!
Piggy: *in extremely weird British accent* Hay, wayt for me. This jungle's annoying and I can't hardly move with all these CREEPER THINGS.
Ralph: Who the hell are you?
Piggy: Them other kids should be around here. We should go find them! :D *runs away*
Ralph: *shrugs and goes on with whatever he was doing before. Piggy follows him*
Peter Brooks: I love this! I just set them loose and they trip on stuff! It's awesome! :D
Ralph: *trips on CREEPER THINGS*
Peter Brooks: :D
Piggy: *also trips on CREEPER THINGS*
Ralph: Ow. I'm holding my head. It's probably seriously injured.
Piggy: My auntie said not to run, and that bacon's bad for me, and that candy's liek THE BEST THING EVAR, and that you have weird teeth, on account of my ass-mar.
Ralph: I'm still lying on the ground. I'M SERIOUSLY INJURED. Wait a minute, what the hell is ass-mar?
Piggy: ...I have no idea. But I'm the only one who has it! *nonchalantly murders a bug* And to make things even more unfair, I've been wearing specs since I was like... three!
Piggy: I'm going to follow you and be annoying. :D
Ralph: And we are suddenly on a beach.
Creepy music plays.
Ralph and Piggy: *spend several hours playing in the water*
Peter Brooks: ...Maybe I should've cut out some of the unnecessary stuff. But, hey! It's more realistic!
Everyone there: Yaaaaaay!
Piggy: *in a very un-Piggy voice* Where'd the plane go?
Ralph: ...The storm dragged it out to sea. Idiot.
Piggy: Hey, there were probably other kids in it!
Piggy: SO, THEY'RE PROBABLY DYING A HORRIBLE DEATH. What's your name?
Piggy: JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION.
Piggy: I know you didn't ask me what my name was, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Actually, I'm not going to tell you my name, instead telling you what people USED to call me that I apparently hate, but I won't tell you my real name so that when you defend me later you'll have no choice but to tell them that that's my name and then I'll get mad at you.
Piggy: My name's Piggy!
Ralph: ROFL PIGGY!
Piggy: SHHH! DON'T TELL ANYONE!
Ralph: *strips while telling stories about his dad*
Piggy: *takes off his shoes, socks, and jacket*
Ralph: Just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming swimming swimming... Hey, aren't you going to come in?
Ralph: SUCKS TO YOUR ASS-MAR!
Piggy: Well... well... you suck at swimming!
Ralph: *totally ignores him*
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE. Though this isn't the worst one. Wait until they switch from Simon seeing the 'beast' to the dance.
Ralph: I seem to have lost my jacket... and my hat... Damn it, I liked that hat... OOH! SHINY!
Piggy: It's a shell!
Ralph: Yeah, I could figure that out for myself, thanks.
Piggy: I saw one before on some random dude's wall! I don't even know who he was! It's a conch! He blew it-
Piggy: He used to blow it-
Ralph: *snickers again*
Piggy: ...I am not amused.
Ralph: *blows the conch- or, rather, tries to blow the conch and epically fails*
Piggy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He blew from his stomach, idiot.
Ralph: *BLOWS THE CONCH*
Nightkill: Siriusly, that's almost funnier than Roger's lodgement for his point. *snickers*
Piggy&Everyone there: Yaaaay!
Ralph: *BLOWS THE CONCH*
Random shouting is heard as random little boys wander up.
Piggy: YOU! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Adorable child: Percival Wymes Madison. I was born on June 21, whatever the year, and I like cats and dogs but not bugs because they're gross, I live on some street, and OH MY GOD I CAN REMEMBER MY TELEPHONE NUMBER! :D
They are suddenly in a forest.
Piggy: *is interrogating several children*
Nightkill: OH MY GOD THERE'S A GEORGE. WHERE'S FRED.
Piggy: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Sam: *is slightly shorter and skinnier than Eric* Sam, and Eric.
Eric: Sam, and Eric.
Piggy: Eric... and Sam?
The boys are sitting around, just having fun... when a disturbing song is heard in the distance.
Distance: IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!
Ralph: *was apparently trying to use the conch as a telescope or something* Oh my god what's that?
Distance: PARTYIN' PARTYIN' YEAH! *is now OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS*
OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS: PARTYIN' PARTYIN' YEAH!
Random child number one: *looks disturbed*
Random child number two, who after reading the book and looking farther into the movie is probably named 'Stanley': *has even funnier teeth than Ralph*
OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS: FUN FUN FUN FUN
Random children number three, four, and five: *are looking at the sky. What, are Jack&co- I mean, OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS really that tall?*
OMINOUS GROUP OF BLACK CLOAKS: LOOKIN' FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND *is just a group of kids dressed in OMINOUS BLACK CLOAKS*
Jack: HALT THY PROCESSION!
And this will be updated every Saturday. :3
I do love the 1963 movie – it's way better than the 1990 one, and everyone's so adorable in it – but you've gotta admit, there's stuff to make fun of. xP