Carrie couldn't believe this. Big was going to move- to Paris! How could he leave New York, the best city on earth? More importantly, how could he leave her? After everything they had been through (and that was a lot!) he could just walk away from her like she never mattered to him, like what they had shared meant nothing to him. For two days she cried, or she tried to, but just like the words she had for him, nothing would come to her. For years Big had been it, he was Mr. Big for heaven's sake, and for the first time since she'd met him she was picturing a life without him.
Could that happen? Could she really never see Big again? The thought hurt her more than her last visit to her dermatologist. It hurt more than…more than she ever knew she could be hurt. Carrie had been hurt by Big, that was true, and it happened time and time again. Still, somehow in the back of her mind she knew that he would be back. He always came back. Now he was going away and that would be the end of the romance of the decade.
What would she do without him? True, her life was falling into place, she had just sold another book and life with the girls was wonderful. No one could ever take Charlotte, Miranda, or Samantha's place, but in that same vein no one could take Big's place. Whenever she closed her eyes and pictured settling down, it was always with him. She would never admit that to Samantha or Miranda, and she kind of feared Charlotte's reaction as well, but it was something she had been thinking about for years. What kind of life would they have? Where would they live? And then there was the big (no pun intended) question- would they have kids?
Pouring herself another Grey Goose Vodka, she sat down and tried to write something for her column. What could she possibly say now that would encourage her other fellow singletons? That life was great, you didn't need a man, that life was better alone than when in love? She hit the backspace on her keyboard a few times, and then sat down to watch some mindless t.v.
Looking at Ralph and Alice Kramden, she thought about how perfect their lives were. Yes, the male lead of the Honeymooners always screwed up, and his wife always forgave him, but wasn't that the basis of her and Big's relationship? Admittedly Carrie had screwed up more times than she could count, but he had broken her heart so many times it was like her standing reservation at her favorite restaurant. But she had forgiven him, she always had. It wasn't easy, but who said love was supposed to easy? Love, like sex, was messy, clumsy- and utterly impossible to live without. There. She said it. What she and Big had shared was love, and now it was fading away like the end of a sunset.
How could he do this to her? How dare Big walk away from her like she was nothing! Who did he think he was, anyways? He was Big, and he was bigger than life, and he was almost too big for her heart. The problem was, she wasn't sure if he knew how much he meant to her. Sometimes she swore they were on the same page and then boom, he would turn around and do something like this. Something stupid and incredibly cruel. And the worst part was, she let him, every single time.
Carrie and John. Carrie Bradshaw Preston. Was that something she really envisioned once upon a time? That was a different Carrie than the one who existed now, so heartbroken she could not type a single stroke of a letter. That Carrie believed in true love and miracles and happily ever after. Well maybe for other couples, but not for her. There would be no happy ever after in her book. There would be no epilogue, stating that the author and Big were now happily living together in the house of her dreams. There would be no party invitations addressed to her and Big. No more late night phone calls or carriage rides in the park. No more hand holding even though he protested that he was too old for hand holding.
So what was in store for Carrie? She picked up her copy of her latest book and began to flip through it. Carrie and Big, the end. Was that really how her story went? Carrie loved Big who didn't care enough about their relationship to stay in the same city? Just the thought of his saying goodbye was depressing enough. Now there would be no more…no more anything. This was it, and she would just have to get used to it.