I agreed to move in with Edward, to be honest I could've gone elsewhere, it's not like I was without options, but there was just something about him that I was drawn to even if he did prove himself to be a right ass that night at his mom's party. Standing there bragging to his brothers about our one night stand in the bathroom of a club like it was totally normal. I just wondered sometimes if it was my raging hormones that caused me to lash out at him, everything I dished out, he took. Not once does he call me out on this shit. I had been nothing but a first rate bitch to him, and yet he stuck around. Snappy, rude, obnoxious and still he remained steadfast and true to his word. Deep down I hoped that he stayed, that one day I wouldn't say the thing that would send him running for the hills.
The day we were in the doctor's office for my scan and I made him wait outside was the perfect example, I mean it's not like he would have seen anything that he hadn't seen before. Instead I chose to be a bitch and make him wait, knowing full well that he would be pacing the corridor. Then I said he could come inside and bit the Doctor's head off when he assumed that the baby would be taking its father's name. The look on Edward's face when I said it would be a Swan, not a Cullen, the hurt was there, even if it was only for a second, it was there. I caused it and then acted like I didn't care when really I did. The walls that I built were there to protect myself from opening up to the possibility that he cared about me, knowing that he could just as easily walk out of my, soon to be our, lives as quickly as he came in. I couldn't bear that pain, not again.
He insisted on taking me back to my apartment and when I felt dizzy he refused to leave me alone. I was glad that he didn't as that was when I found the letter from Laurent, my landlord. After everything he'd promised that I could stay here, the lease would be extended, and then I got that fucking letter. The tears would not stop once I'd told him what I thought of him on his voicemail then I hurled the phone across the room not really caring what happened to it. Edward was there for me, he held me, rubbed my back like my mom used to do. That always soothed me. That comforting action, combined with the fact that he was just there calmed me down. He told me it would be okay, and I believed him. I didn't even remember falling asleep but yet I woke to find myself on his chest. As I came around I was overwhelmed smelling him, his warmth had seeped into me, I felt safe and secure there, like nothing could touch me when he was there.
I woke with a start and reacted badly, I was aware that I talked in my sleep, so I immediately wondered what I had said, maybe something about how I really felt had fallen from my lips. Once again I tore into him, I didn't mean to, only this time he stood up to me and answered me back. Shit, that in itself was enough to make me want to jump him there and then, but I didn't.
I did what I seemed to do best other than bitch, I cried. Once he had calmed me down he offered to let me move into his apartment, I was shocked to say the least. I agreed, thinking that he would back out and only offered as he felt bad about witnessing my melt down.
I viewed this apartment, pleasantly surprised at what I saw. I'd expected a messy bachelor pad, or some swanky playboy pad, but what I got was amazing, it was modern and sophisticated. He agreed to my demand to pay rent, and we even managed to agree to a joint party to celebrate my moving in. Alice later told me that it was doubling up as his birthday party, I wondered why he hadn't told me it was his birthday, why was it such a big surprise? Then again I was nothing to him other than the woman who was pregnant with his child.
Edward had been good to me above the last few weeks, helping me decorate my room, arranging for the stuff that I either didn't need or have room for to be placed into storage, and just being there when I needed him, when I had those moments of doubt wondering if I would cope, would I be a good mom? He would reassure me, making me feel like I could do this, he would always tell me that I wasn't doing this alone, that I had him. I wanted to scream at him, that I didn't, that he could leave at any moment at all and not look back, If he chose to he could just pay me child support and have nothing to do with the life growing inside me. I could never say that to him, I worried in case he hadn't thought about it, somehow me vocalizing the thought would help the idea grow in his head.
The party was here before I could blink. Edward and I had grown closer, living with him felt easy. I still daren't say how I felt about him out loud, not even to Alice. She asked me often enough, giving me that all knowing look when I said that we were simply roommates and nothing more, other than the obvious that he was the father of my baby. She would just smile at me, which infuriated me, if she knew how he felt why did she not just come out and tell me? Put me out of my misery once and for all. I got the vibe from him that he wanted nothing more from me than to be a friend and father to his child.
I had spent the last couple of hours getting ready for the party, nothing felt or looked right on me, everything made me feel fat and ungainly. I wasn't really showing too much to say that I was now five months pregnant, and deep down I knew that I was being paranoid. The bump was there, but with some clever dressing and thank god maxi dresses were in fashion I managed to hide it most days.
In desperation, wanting to be normal I grabbed my favourite cropped jeans which miraculously fit me, although I had to leave them unbuttoned and teamed it with a loose fitting vest top which showed off my enhanced bust. That alone should detract from the small, rounded bump I was sporting in the outfit. As I stood looking at myself sideways on in the mirror all I could see was my baby bump and I didn't want tonight to be about answering questions about it. Those who I trusted I had told, but there would be Edward's friends here and I didn't know if he had told them about me or the baby. I sighed deeply before sitting down on the edge of the bed debating just not going out of the room, but knowing there was no way that Alice or even Edward come to that would allow me to skip the party, it had been my idea after all.
Then, sitting in my pile of folded laundry I spotted one of Edward's shirts, I pulled it out and held it to my face, inhaling the scent of him that still lingered despite it being washed. I smiled as I looked at it, before I quickly changed my top for a vest top, throwing his shirt over the top of it, tying the bottom in a loose knot. Standing back, looking at myself in the mirror, I was finally happy. It was the perfect look, casual and didn't show off what I wanted to remain hidden for now. I grabbed a pair of sneakers, doing a final check in the mirror before I prepared to step out of the safety of my room. I just hoped that he wouldn't mind me wearing his shirt.
As I walked toward the lounge I felt like all eyes were on me, Esme sensing my obvious discomfort came toward me, putting her arm around me. I muttered under my breath. "I look awful. Seriously it just feels like nothing fits or looks right. I just want to be comfortable in what I was wearing."
Esme nodded knowingly, she had been through this and must've understood what I was going thought as she told me. "But sweetheart, you look lovely. I think you could wear a trash bag and it would look good on you."
Edward was watching our exchange intently and then he stepped toward us, and I turned to him to apologise for what I was wearing. "Sorry I borrowed one of your shirts. Noth-"
He cut me off, "It's okay. I really don't mind, anyway it looks far better on you than it does on me. Keep it." I smiled warmly at him, and for a moment something passed between us before the doorbell went and Edward went to answer it.
The party went by so quickly and there was no way that I could keep track of all the people that I had been introduced to, Edward it seemed was a popular guy. Eventually people started leaving and we wound up with a small group of about a dozen of us sitting around chatting and listening to music. I was on one of the couches with Alice when the craving for pizza hit me. We ordered and I couldn't wait for it to arrive, despite the fact that I had been nibbling on food all night, I wanted pizza and nothing else would satisfy me. Then came the call from the driver to say that he was downstairs. I grabbed Alice to go with me to get it and we dashed into the hallway before I realized that neither of us had any money to pay. I headed back into the apartment and froze as I heard Jake and Edward talking, so I listened and realized that it was about me. Freezing instantly, I knew that I shouldn't be listening to a private conversation but I just couldn't stop myself.
Edward was talking, obviously about me. "No, we're just roommates, but we have a baby on the way."
His words hurt, my world felt like it was falling apart around my ears. I wanted to burst in there and rip into him, but Jake responded, sounding as shocked as I felt.
"Shit man! I heard a rumor but I never thought that you would get caught like that. I thought that you were a love em and leave em kinda guy. Shit!"
Edward's response confirmed what I had feared, but hearing him say those words was too much to bear. "I was. I made a mistake that night, simple as. I wasn't careful and now it's come back to bite me on the ass. There is nothing I can do; I have to stand by her through this. I just-"
My free hand flew to my mouth, covering it before I could let the sob that was building in my chest free. I murmured to my baby, "It's okay, we don't need him." I turned on my heel and headed for the door, slamming it shut behind me, not caring if he heard it, I wanted him to.
As I dashed out into hall, standing still for a moment as I try to gather my thoughts. Alice appeared out of the elevator and took in my distressed state. "Bella! What on earth is wrong?" She placed her hands on the tops of my arms and I managed to utter.
She looked at me concerned. "What's he done now? I'm gonna kill him if he has upset you." I couldn't tell her, so I brushed her off me, frantically pressing the elevator call button, but I couldn't wait for it to arrive, I needed to get out of here and I needed to get out now. I moved past Alice. ignoring her as she called after me. "Bella! Bella! Are you okay?" I didn't answer, instead headed for the stairwell, I needed to be out of there tears streaming down my face,
I ran down the staircase, holding onto the handrail as I rounded the stairs taking the next flight down, my vision was blurred. My foot slipped on one of the steps and I couldn't right myself as I pitched forward into a wall. Pain seared through me and as I fell onto the cold, hard concrete I fought to keep my eyes open as everything went hazy in front of me. I heard a faint scream and then saw Alice's worried face filling my field of vision. She reached out her hand to my face and I convulsed in pain, pulling my knees up to my chest as all I managed to say to her was. "Edward... Our baby... please"
Everything hurt, I never thought that it was possible to feel this much pain all at once. I couldn't move, my eyes refused to cooperate and open. Nausea washed through me and I could make out voices around me, but not who they are or what they were saying. There was a soft, gentle hand that made contact with me arm, it felt comforting and safe. I knew instinctively that it was Edward, and every part of me wanted to tell him that it was okay, that I was awake, but I couldn't it felt like I was trapped in a frozen lake. I could see them all on the other side of the ice, but I couldn't break through it.
My stomach felt as if I had been stabbed with white hot pokes, the pain worse here than anywhere else on my body, then I remembered, the baby! Shit! I couldn't lose it now, I just couldn't.
I heard the beeping of machines growing more frantic, and I realized that they must be hooked up to me, relaying my vitals to everyone in the room. Edward's voice grew frantic as he shouted for someone to come and help me, then nothing, blackness surrounded and enveloped me in its warm embrace.
Eventually my ears were greeted by a rhythmical beeping. I attempted to move my hand to turn off the alarm clock that I assumed was making the noise and disturbing my rest, but my hand refused to move. I could feel their skin pressed on mine, breath tickling me, I wanted them to stop. I felt like I was being suffocate but I just didn't have the energy to fight them off so I moved slightly, hoping that they will take the hint. A voice broke through the incessant beeping. "Bella? Bella! Oh my god are you okay? Can you hear me?" There was an edge to the voice, they were trying to keep the panic from their words but I heard it, then I recognized the voice as belonging to Edward.
I fought to open my eyes, they finally cooperated and once they opened I had to blink rapidly to adjust to the harsh fluorescent lighting in the room and I groaned, bringing my hand up to shield my eyes. He spoke again. "Bella, can you speak?" Irritation coursed through me, my throat was dry and ached. Then I heard him speak to someone, but who I couldn't tell. "Can you dim the lights, she can't see."
The room grew darker and my eyes managed to adjust to the new lighting level, I turned to where I had heard his voice last, seeing him standing there made me smile, he was here for me, wherever here was.
"Edward, you're here." I croaked. He smiled at me, grabbing a glass of water complete with straw, bringing it to my lips, he used his other hand to stroke my hair as he whispered.
"Where else would I be? Seriously? You think that I would be anywhere but at your side?"
I smiled weakly at him, then it hit me like a freight train. Sitting up quickly in the bed caused my head to swim and nausea washed through me as I uttered. "Edward, the baby! Please tell me that she's okay?" My voice cracked and broke on the words
"Ssh, the baby is fine. I promise you." He gently pushed me backwards until I was laying back down, placing a kiss on my forehead as he asked. "She? How do you know it's a girl?" Confusion crossed his face and he frowned.
"I don't. I just have a feeling that it's a girl. You don't mind if it's girl, do you?"
He smiled at me. "I don't care what sex it is, as long as both you and our baby are healthy. The doc checked you over, and said that there is nothing to worry about. If you want a second opinion I'm sure dad would be more than happy to oblige?"
I shook my head furiously. "No, it's okay." Pausing, I knew that the next thing I said would be hard to hear, but I needed to know. "What happened? Why am I here?" Only then did I notice Alice hovering in the corner of the room. Edward glanced toward her, he looked nervous. Looking between the two of them it was clear that they were having some kind of silent conversation. What weren't they telling me? "Tell me what happened. I don't-" My voice broke with the emotion and worry that was building inside me. Tears fell down my cheeks, as I went to wipe them away I found that Edward's hand was there, brushing them away. He cupped my cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb gently on my skin.
"You don't need to worry about that now. However you do need to rest, Doctor's orders. All I will tell you is that you took a tumble and you scared the hell outta us all."
His voice was laced with emotion, words catching in his throat as he struggled to stay calm. Alice muttered something under her breath before she turned and left the room. Staring after her Edward let out a deep sigh before he turned back to me, forcing a smile onto his face.
Something somewhere deep down inside of me sparked in recognition of the last time I heard his voice, combining that with Alice's sudden departure, but it would not come to me. Trying hard to force the memory forward, but coming up blank was frustrating to say the least. Edward was watching me intently, there was something wrong here, I just needed to work out what. Sighing deeply I closed my eyes and drifted into a fitful sleep, dreams plagued me. They honestly scared me, I was falling and I couldn't stop, all I heard Alice screaming, then came Edward's voice saying words that were strangely familiar and broke my heart I was. I made a mistake that night, simple as. I wasn't careful and now it's come back to bite me on the ass. There is nothing I can do; I have to stand by her through this."
I jolted myself awake, gasping for breath as recognition hit me full force. He didn't want me, that night, the baby it was all a big mistake, one that he wished he could put right, but he couldn't. The room was empty, no sign of Edward anywhere, that showed me everything I needed to know.
I couldn't get back to sleep, afraid that I would remember more of what happened, I couldn't bear the thought of Edward seeing me and our baby as a mistake. Yes it wasn't planned, but I thought that despite everything we had something together, clearly I was wrong.
As I lay there, watching the dawn break and the sun rise I came to some important decisions, ones that I wished with all my heart that I didn't have to make, but I knew that things couldn't continue as like this I allowed the tears to fall as I lay in bed my hand protectively stroking my baby that was growing inside me, we had each other, that would be enough.
The door opened slowly and I froze, hoping that it wasn't Edward, there was no way that I could face him right now. Relief washed through me as Rosalie stepped inside, she smiled but her face fell when she saw my tears. She rushed to my side and scooped me into a hug.
"It's okay Bella, I'm here for you." She whispered into my hair as I clung to her, fresh waves of tears and sobs coming from me. I uttered the same words over and over again.
"He doesn't want us."
Rose held me until there were no more tears to cry, once I had stopped she pulled back from me, looking at me with concern on her face.
I managed a weak smile. "I need you to help me, I understand if you say no."
Her response was instant and reassuring. "Tell me what you need, and I will do it."
Taking a deep breath I answered her. "I need to leave and never, ever look back. I was such a fucking fool. Will you help me? Please?"
A simple word fell from her lips. "Yes."
I hugged her, knowing that I could count on her was enough, for now. Edward didn't want me, and right now, I sure as hell didn't need him.
Not officially beta'd but this has been read through by Nothingwrongwithimperfection – thanks sweetie! Massive thanks to FFaddward for pre-reading for me.
Thanks to everyone who has messaged to ask if this will be continuing, and the answer is a firm YES! I have had several other things on the go at once, and I wasn't 100% sure where to take this but you guys have made me get my thinking cap on.
Also a massive THANK YOU to whoever nominated this story for Best Kiss in The Fandom Choice Awards. Voting is open and remains until 3rd January. thefandomchoiceawards DOT blogspot DOT co DOT uk/p/vampire-nominations DOT html You know what to do with the DOT's….
Finally thanks to Mason Cullen for her original idea which she gifted me here and HAPPY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my readers.