I Want A Mom That Will Make It All Better
Sam has been acting odd ever since we came back from time travelling into the '70's. He barely answers me when I talk to him, he just stares ahead dully with vacant eyes. We were both really tired from the trip so we were looking for a motel to crash for the night. And finally, I saw a motel sign glowing and pulled the car to a stop. I looked at Sam, waiting for him to go and get a room but it seems like he was lost in his own thoughts so I'm guessing that it's my turn this time. I sighed loudly, which still didn't bring Sam's attention, and opened the door, climbing out of the car.
I wasn't stupid. I knew what this whole brooding thing was really about. It was about mom. I mean – she was his mom. A mom he never had a chance to see with his own eyes, never even met. I had four years with her that I can remember bits of. Even bits, it was better than nothing. Sam had absolutely no memories with her and I know that it's killing him inside, especially when he saw her for real now. She was just a picture that was inside dad's wallet to him. But then, she was there, real and alive and right in front of him. His own mom that he never had a chance to be with.
I walked inside the small, crappy building and walked over to the desk. I barely noticed the woman behind it staring at me with flirty eyes. She asked me if I wanted a king-sized bed or two queens. I replied to her for two queens and she gave me the keys, still staring at me with flirty eyes. I paid for the room and walked out towards my baby, throwing an extra key to Sam through my window. He didn't catch it, it was only sitting on his lap. He still looked the same, staring ahead with dull, vacant eyes, deep in his thoughts. I sat inside the car and swallowed down the lump inside my throat when I saw tears glinting his hazel eyes. I lifted a hand and rested it on his shoulder, leaving it there for a while. He startled and looked at me.
"You okay?" I asked him softly and he just stared at me before nodding falteringly. I took the keys from his lap and handed it to him. I patted his shoulder and removed it from there, breaking the contact. I pressed down on the pedal to drive towards our room.
In less than two minutes, we reached our room. I stopped my baby and climbed out. I walked towards the trunk and lifted it open. I took out my duffel bag and realised that Sam didn't come out of the car yet. I grabbed his duffel bag too and walked towards the car and knocked on his window quite loudly. Same reaction, he startled and looked at me.
"You gonna come out now? Get inside the room or spend the whole night sittin' here?" I joked lightly. He didn't roll his eyes or pull a bitch face on me as I expected him to. He just – climbed out of the car obediently and walked towards the room, not even caring to take his own bag from me. I walked towards the room and stood with bags in my both hands and I stared at Sam.
"Ya know, the door isn't gonna open itself." I joked lightly again, trying to lighten his mood. He looked at me again and blinked and reached into his pocket. He took out his key and fumbled with the keyhole until he got it right. He opened the door and I dragged myself in, throwing our duffel bags on the floor carelessly and sighed as I looked over at him. "You want first shower?" I asked and got no response. I sighed again. He was sitting on the edge of his bed and staring ahead. I don't blame him for acting this way. He just saw mom for the first time in his life, with his own eyes. After like twenty-six years. I walked to the bathroom door and looked back at my brother once over my shoulder before the turned the doorknob and walked in. The bathroom was even crappier than the room, but I guess I'm used to it.
I walked out of the bathroom in my sweats and t-shirt and saw Sam on the same position he was before. Except that his shoulder slumped even lower now and sighed. I sat beside him and nudged his shoulder with my elbow and he looked at me the same way he did. "You alright?" I repeated the same question I asked a few minutes ago in the car. He stared at me and nodded slowly and slowly turned his face to stare ahead. I rested a hand on his shoulder which brought his attention to me again. "You should go take a shower, I left some hot water." I said and smiled. If he wasn't so like – this, he would've stared at me weirded out and ask for the holy water. The jokes don't work so I decided for some kindness, even though it's so out of my character. But that's all for Sammy.
Sam nodded and stood up slowly, walking in small steps towards the bathroom. He didn't bother to grab some clothes but I guess that's okay, I'll just hand it to him when he asks for it. I couldn't help the sad stare directed at him. He just looked so – broken, like a lost puppy kicked repeatedly and then left behind, and it kind of makes me wanna cry. Well, what can I say? Sammy has that effect on people.
I heard the door close but I never heard the lock. Well, I guess that's good because of the state he's in. I sigh again. I know that he heard everything I said about her and I think it hurts him that he never had a chance to have all of that. I don't blame him, I can't imagine how he feels right now. I remember when he was six years old in kindergarten and he came home crying because he had to write an essay on 'My mother' and he knew nothing absolutely about her. And me, being the idiot I was, refused to talk about her. In the end, he ended up writing about me. Because I was his everything, his father, mother, big brother, best friend.
I sit on my bed and lay my back against the headboard and grabbed the remote resting on the nightstand and I started flipping through the channels like I usually do when I'm bored, looking for something to watch.
I was getting worried when he still didn't come out after a half an hour later. I sighed and got off the bed. Suddenly, I paused when I heard quiet sobbing and that's when I resumed my movement except this time it was faster. In a rush, I pushed the door open and found him curled on the tub in a fetal position, still fully-clothed. His nose was buried between his knees and his arms were hugging his legs close to his chest. The shower sprayed water down on him, wetting him and his clothes.
I ran to him and sat beside the tub. "Sammy, hey. You alright?" I asked him softly, this time he didn't nod, didn't even look at me. He just sat there, curling tighter into himself if possible and crying. "Sammy.." I whispered softly.
"I want mom." He sobbed and I'm pretty sure some invisible hand just reached through my ribcage and squeezed my heart. He repeated the same heartbreaking sentence. "I want mom."
I sighed inaudibly. "Sammy, come on." I tried to grab his arm to haul him up but he jerked it away.
"I want mom." He repeated again and his breath hitched. I bit my lip and stood up, moving my legs carefully over the edge of the tub so that I don't slip and fall straight on my ass. I sat facing Sam and brought his face to my chest, letting him fall apart as he cried nestling his face deeper into my chest while I held the back of his head.
"S'not fair!" His voice was muffled and heavy with emotion. "I didn't even get a chance t'be her son. I don' even know a thin' 'bout her! I didn't even know her, n'now she's real! S'not fair!" He yelled muffledly all the while clutching at my T-shirt. It broke my heart a little.
"I want mom, De." He sobbed.
"I know you do, kiddo." I said while I pulled him closer as I tightened my grip around him. Now we were both wet so I reached behind him to turn off the shower but my other hand still held his head to my chest. "I know you do." I whispered softly.
Basically, we stayed here practically until early morning at four, talking about her. I told him the similiaries that mom and he had. I told him about how much she loved us. I told him about how she'd sing to us until we fell asleep. I told him about her voice, sweet, soft and beautiful. I told him everything about her until he fell asleep in my arms.