Homer Here: wtf

Jack was lounging comfortably between the giantess's large breasts, grinning wolfishly and nodding his head to the music emitting from the magic harp squished at his side. Suddenly, loud footsteps thundered from the second floor, and the lad knew the giantess's husband was awake.

"Quickly, lad, you must hide!" The giantess pulled Jake from her person.

"But where?" The room was empty of a hiding place suitable for the small lad, and the footsteps were coming closer to the stairs.

The giantess rolled her great eyes in though, then smiled. She pinched the collar of Jake's shirt with large fingers and raised him above her. Her large, red mouth opened. Jake squirmed uselessly around in a pathetic attempt to escape. Why had she turned against him? Did she not say that he was like a son she could never have? Why this sudden change of… stomach?

The giantess dropped him into her mouth. He landed flat on her slick, bumpy tongue and the muscle moved him to the roof of her mouth. Jack whimpered when darkness engulfed the moist space; he knew that she had closed her mouth and his fate was now sealed to digestion. Jake shut his hazel eyes tightly. He didn't want to see what he knew was to come next. Hot tears came to his eyes and he cried in the giantess's mouth. He thought of his poor mother and the little house where they both lived, and he wished desperately that he would see them again.

Saliva flooded under the large tongue and Jake prepared for the swallow. He waited a few moments, but nothing happened. He opened his eyes and realized that the giantess wasn't trying to eat him, but trying to save him from her husband! He smiled a bit and relaxed his muscles. Jake let his chin fall down on the giantess's tongue, and it was then that he noticed his surroundings: the stench of the dank place made his fair skin crawl, and he was covered with the slippery spit of the she-giant which made his cloths stick to his skin revealingly. The lad's nose crinkled with disgust.

This wasn't his thing.

His muscle's stiffened again when he heard the booming voice of the giantess's husband through the large lady's cheek. He trembled in fear, afraid that somehow the giant could see him.

An incredibly loud rumble shot out from the throat of the giantess in reply to what her husband had said and Jack shut his ears tightly. Her tongue moved up and down, slamming the poor, small, lad against her roof; he squeaked at every impact. Cool oxygen sucked into the moist space when the giantess opened her mouth and made Jake's bottom feel cold and he shivered. Afterwards, the giantess closed her lips again and the muscle was still. Jack sighed in relief.

But his relief didn't last long. He felt the mouth being tilted up, and Jack had to wrap his arms around the tongue to keep from falling off and into the looming hole to impending death. He panicked when he saw light from the outside and expected to feel the cool air on his butt again, but this time he felt a hot puff of breath. He looked back and saw another large mouth, open, and approaching the giantess's. He knew it was her husband's, and he panicked even more. Before he could think, darkness quickly consumed the space again, and it felt ten times hotter in the giantess's mouth. The husband's tongue invaded and searched her mouth. The giantess fought back, which made the lad inside her fall off her muscle. Jack reached out and grabbed a tooth. He pulled himself over to safety at her fleshy cheek, and the molars acted like a defense from the tongue.

But his defense also didn't last long. Her husband's tongue found the lad and the giant liked and tasted him. Jack tried to move the tongue away with his small hands, but the tongue only pushed him harder in to the cheek. The giantess's tongue also tried to move the other tongue away from the lad. Finally, the giantess simply shoved her husband away, which was at a bad time because at this point the other muscle had scooped up Jake and brought the lad into another mouth.

Unlike his wife, this giant actually swallowed Jack; which the lad found himself being glad for, since he didn't want to be chewed up alive.

Jack expected to be dead sometime before he reached the intestines, like how people who jumped off buildings apparently died before they hit the ground. He hoped for it as he slithered down the fleshy tube. He heard from somewhere above the giant swallow again, and saliva flowed down and lubricated Jack, making him slid down faster. There was a turn in the plush tunnel, and an intense heat radiated from an area ahead, which was a lighter color than the deep, red envelopment around him. He shut his eyes and felt the tears again as he drew nearer to the intestines. Suddenly the body around him shifted as if being hit. He grinned. Maybe the giantess was saving him!

He heard the lungs make a cough or two, and a force pushed him back from the entrance of the digestive track and straight to the throat of the giant. He felt a hand block his way to the exit, but if was quickly slapped away and another force and cough flung him out of the mouth. Jake slid across the wood floor and began to cough, himself. The giantess ran to the little lad and picked him up gently.

"You must go back to the Human World, lad," She gave him the golden harp. "Here, it is an apology." She ran him past her husband, who was clutching his stomach, and to the big front door. She sat him down on the ground with the harp. Before he could say "Goodbye," the she-giant shut the door.

Jack made his way back to the beanstalk, harp in hand, and carefully climbed down to Earth, back to his mother and their little house, and back to safety.