New chapter. Its been forever but I am back and getting back into the flow of things. Hope you like. kisses.
I followed Sonia home. But not in stalkerish way of course. What she was feeling…..she was crying because of me! Crap…shit fuck FUCK! She was just an innocent girl!
And Edward, that fucking leech…..he had to seek her out didn't he?
I wasn't pissed that Bella knew so much. I was pissed that he went near Sonia. I didn't want her to know but I did. I knew there was no way out of telling her.
And then what? Would she even want to be near me? What kind of relationship would we even have? I wanted Bella still. But wanted Sonia too. I wanted her more than I wanted anyone in my whole life. But I wanted to keep her safe more than anything. This was too dangerous for her. I wasn't good for her.
Deciding the following morning to follow her to work in Port Angeles to make sure that Edward didn't make contact with her again I hung around trying to come up with a good plan to try and tell her, and talk to her even. I also made the decision to fix up her car for her if she wanted it or not. If she ever got into an accident because of…no NO!
The thought of that made me want to throw up and made my head spin. I would keep her safe no problem.
I watched her from the corner of the street come out of the bakery with a coffee and head towards the bus stop.
"Sonia, we need to talk." I called out from behind her. Her back stiffened as she turned slowly to face me. She was annoyed with me I knew but…..I knew that she wasn't that displeased to see me.
"We don`t need to talk about anything Jacob. What did I say about never talking to me again? Are you as stupid as you look or do you get some sort of sick satisfaction from torturing me?" She crossed her arms under her chest and stood totally in control of herself. She was in control of all of this. But still….I was torturing her? What was I making her feel? Jealous? Like she wanted me too?
"I`m torturing you?" I wanted her so bad to elaborate. Tell me you like me!
"Get laid moron." She rolled her eyes at me and turned away.
"Maybe you could help me with that." I said before I could stop myself. Shit! Why did I have to say that? Eurrghhh Jacob! You are such a fucking virgin! She turned around slowly again, an increduolous look on her beautiful face.
"You can`t be serious! Bella not putting out Jakey poos?" What?
God I can´t win can I? It was like she knew all my weak spots and went after them with no mercy.
"I get it now. You want her and she doesn`t want you. So you figured that I might be an easy lay. Go sell it to Ciara. You know she`s boasted about how she snagged you. You two idiots deserve each other." Not wanted her to get away and explain myself I caught up with her and pulled her to a stop. It was the first time I touched her. The rush of emotions that followed made something inside me build up and want to burst free. We held eye contact for a few seconds. She looked shocked, but not hostile, but she pulled her arm away and walked off nonetheless.
"You know shit Sonia." I couldn't contain my anger. She didn't know anything. Not yet. And she wasn't making it easy for me to do so.
"Try explaining it to me then Jacob! I seriously don`t know what I have done to you. But I am telling you this now and you better listen carefully. If you have nothing comprehendible to say to me don`t bother speaking to me. I have had enough of your shit. Do you think it feels good to hear that someone hates you for no reason?" She got up close to me now. Totally unafraid.
"There`s a reason Sonia! That`s why I want to talk to you." I told her quietly. People were beginning to look.
"Then spill Jacob! I`m all ears. I would love to know what I could have possibly done."
"Then bye. I`m not wasting my time on you. I hate the sight of you now." She is so fucking impossible! How the hell can she be my imprint? This was supposed to be easy!
"Christ Sonia! It`s important! Let me give you a ride home at least." I tried to make myself sound as nice as possible. My old self. The Jacob all the girls liked and felt comfortable around.
"No." She sat down in the bus shelter and crossed her arms.
"I promise I`ll leave you alone if you want me to. Just hear me out first."
"N. O. No."
"Fine! You can rot here for all I care. Maybe the bus driver will do me a favor and run you over!" I regretted the words as soon as I said them. It felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Her face the perfect picture of hurt. How could I….how could I have even said that.
"I`m...I`m sorry I said that Sonia. I didn`t mean it. Fuck...I`m sorry okay!"
She didn't say anything. She just kept on looking at me with those eyes. The pain still fresh and not abating.
"Just stop looking at me like that! I said I was sorry!" Still nothing.
She stood up on shaky legs. Before I knew it I was holding her up. I wanted nothing more than to pick her up and carry her home. All the way back to La Push.
"Sonia?" She didn't answer me and it made me nervous. She was giving off crazy emotions. None of them good.
"Sonia, come on. I`ll take you home." I took her hand. Almost greedily. I wanted to feel how it felt. I wanted to sooth her. If I could feel her emotions, then she could feel mine then. But I would never have expected the rush of emotions. It was heaven. Think calming thoughts Jacob. It felt so natural. Like her hand was made only for me. She looked like she was going to barf and faint.
"Sonia, it`s okay. You`ll be okay I swear. Just let me take you home. Just say the words." I pleaded with her.
"Take me home." She said. Thank God. I pulled her along to my car. She seemed so small at the moment. Why the fuck did I say that to her? If wanting her to hate me really made her feel that way…..if that is what my hate made her feel…..I looked over at her. She had her head in her hands and was breathing in and out heavily. I reached out for her but thought the better of it.
"How do you feel?"
"Like shit." She whispered out.
"I`m sorry." And I really was.
"It`s not your fault I feel sick." But it is Sonia. It is my fault.
"Do you want some water or something?"
"Don`t worry. I just want to go home."
I drove us back to La Push slowly. I wanted to be close and alone with her without her yelling at me or giving me her bitch face. She straightened up after a while and had her head turned away from me. Watching the trees go by. She was fingering the edge of the window pane, deep in thought. I wanted so bad to talk to her. To ask her things. To be nice to her. But I couldn't and I didn't know why. The old nice Jacob was gone. He died the minute I changed into a giant wolf. I was asshole Jacob now as Quil and Embry liked to say. But they had changed to. So maybe asshole Jacob was meant to be with asshole Sonia. And she could be an asshole sometimes. But I knew it was because I pushed her to be that way.
"My house is just off Beach Drive." She informed me. I know where you live already. I have been watching you like a freak because I can´t help myself. Sorry about that.
"I know. Just a couple more minutes." From the corner of my eye I saw Sonia give me a look. And she kept on looking. She was sussing me out.
"There`s nobody home." I told her. Another sharp look. I pulled into her drive. Give her clues. Maybe she would figure it out by herself and save me from telling her.
"They`re out. Thanks for the ride." She opened the door too quickly, leaving me with little time to react. Everything told me to stay near her. Stay beside her. And she was moving away from me too quickly. I got out as quick as I could without betraying my awesome super speed. Just in time to hold her up as she looked like she was going to faint.
"Easy there Sonia." The urge to just hold her tight took over me again. "Do you need me to stay?" Please say yes. Please say it Sonia.
"Just help me to the sofa and then I`ll be fine."
And I helped her inside. She lay down on the sofa rubbing her temples with her fingertips. I felt so fucking guilty. I did this to her and she didn't even know.
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