Way Back Into Love
Hello! This is my first fic so sorry if it wasn't that good but I hope you still enjoy reading it.
I would like to acknowledge for helping me with the errors and stuff. For the Nth time, Thankyou!
They say that being in love at a very young age is impossible. But during high school, I knew I had already met the girl that I wanted to marry someday. Our relationship, maybe, ends badly but I know some day, I will have the reasons why it didn't go as I had planned.
I am not the toughest person before, happy-go-lucky as they say. I didn't care too much about things that really matter. All I know is that as long as I have her everything will be fine. It's crazy that my life depends on her; if she's happy then I'm happy. What makes her upset upsets me. That's how everything works. But what if that person you love so much hurt you and you can't just take it anymore?
We've gone our separate ways, dealing with everything that's happened. Closure was not our choice. We chose to ignore the fact that we have to talk about what happened. Yeah, we said our 'sorrys' and 'thank yous' for every bad and good memory we've had, but that's all. We set each other free without trying to work things out again.
8 years later…
"Q, you know it irritates me when you text me non-stop. I'm on my way, calm down. Do you need anything? I can get it for you while I'm on my way" I said, getting out of my apartment hurriedly.
"No B, just get your sexy ass here, your god daughter is already waiting for you. And don't forget my baby girl's birthday cake" Quinn said, laughing on the other line.
"Yes ma'am! Please kiss my god daughter for me! I'll be there in 10. Bye!"
I've known Quinn since high school. We've been really good friends or should I say, more like sisters. She helped me with everything I've been through. I'm glad that we kept in touch because I would not know how my life could have been if she was not with me.
It sucks that she already has her dream family with her dream career and everything while I'm still here feeling lonely even though I got everything I dreamt of. There is still one thing that is missing, someone who will capture my heart. I guess it is not yet the time, well I'm still young, and 28 isn't that old.
As I parked in front the Berry-Fabray's, I could already see the crowd. It's like they invited the whole neighborhood. I can guess that its Rachel's idea since Quinn and I like to celebrate intimately, we can be simply happy with just the people we love around us.
"Hey Hot Momma, where's Kate?" I greeted Quinn, giving her a peck on her cheek while I carefully held my god daughter's birthday cake. And yes, I specially made it for her.
"She's in the pool area with Rach and Puck. Let me get that sweet little present, go and check them out. I'll be there in a minute" Quinn told me as I passed her the huge cake that I had made.
"Yeah, he just got home from New York."
Noah Puckerman, one of my friends from High School. Seeing that he still had his Mohawk hair I can say that he is still as badass. What is shocking about him is that he is now one of the most famous badass lawyers in New York. I feel proud for what he has achieved and happy that he didn't end up with his pool cleaning business for the rest of his life.
"Where is my favourite god daughter?" I said, snapping Rachel and Puck out of their conversation.
"I see, still hot as ever Pierce! Maybe I can have my chance already now that I'm a badass lawyer" he smirked.
"Hello to you too Puckerman, it's been what, 5 years? I'm so proud of you! And no, I'm still very much gay" I smirked back, hugging him. "And hello to my prettiest and awesomest god daughter!" I cheered, snatching Kate from Rachel's arms.
"God Britt, slow down. And stop doing that flying unicorn thing to her" Rachel said, annoyed that I threw Kate a little bit in the air and caught her quickly like she's a flying unicorn. I knew that little girl loves it when I do that because of the contagious giggles I received.
"Calm down Rach, she's enjoying it."
"How's life treating you so far Puck? Any girl tamed down the Puckasaurus?"
"You really know how to cheer me up, right Britt?" His smirk faded in a second. Crap! I said to myself. I forgot how he has been so in love with Quinn. She's the only one that tamed Puck. And after finding out that Quinn and Rachel were dating, for nights, he will drink himself to death and will start screaming outside Quinn's house telling her how much he loves her. Until one day, he just disappeared. We just got news that he continued studying and was already living in New York.
"Please excuse me girls, my great Lesbro is already here." Puck said, smiling. I didn't get it at first, not until I saw Rachel shocked with her mouth open.
"Santana" she whispered. "I swear Britt, I didn't know she was coming. I know Quinn invited her because they are also best friends but she didn't tell me she accepted it. "Britt I'm-" I cut Rachel off from her rambling.
"Rach, it's okay. It's not my party to choose whoever the guests are. It's okay really. And you know I'm over her" I said bluntly.
"Okay. Just wait here; I'll inform Quinn that she's already here. Can you hold Kate for a while?"
"I'm fine Rach. You do whatever you need to. We'll be fine here, right Kate?" I turned facing their two year old daughter, tapping her cute little nose.
"Just call me when you need anything. I'll be right back."
When Rachel left, I stiffened for a moment, trying to process what was happening. She's back. Sure I saw her around months after our break-up but we didn't talk or hang around each other closely. If it's not because of Quinn we will not see each other after. She's still Quinn's other best friend after all, though; I didn't hear anything about her because Quinn knows it will upset me. It's true that after all those years. I still love her and it still hurts me whenever I remember all the things we've been through and I've been through after our break-up.
Staring at her, I begin to panic. What if she comes here and talks to me, greet me, or whatever. I don't know what to do. Just go with the flow, I told myself.
People are starting to tone down. The party has been successful and I also managed to avoid Santana successfully. Once in a while, my eyes will meet Santana's brown orbs and just like before I still feel invincible when she looks at me like she can read me like a book. But whenever she looks at me I will avoid her gaze immediately.
It wasn't too long when it's only me, Rachel, Quinn and Santana who was left. Puck got an emergency call. That is why he can't stay for our traditional after party.
Quinn and Rachel excused themselves, seeing Kate starting to doze off.
"Guys, we'll just put her in bed, we will help with cleaning up after. And remember you guys are at my house, no funny business please" Quinn smirked, reminding us like it's the most usual thing. I glared at her whilst Santana was laughing beside me.
"What?" I narrowed my perfectly shaped eyebrows, facing Santana who is trying to stop herself from laughing while Quinn ran upstairs, leaving us alone.
"Nothing" she smiled at me and I stared at her. "Let's just clean this up so we can have our drinks on." She started picking up the trashes again. I shuffled my way to the kitchen to start cleaning there and because it's too much for me to be in the same room with her.
I really don't know what to expect right now. Are we going to talk about what happened? Did she already forget about it? Does she even care? Or are we going to act like nothing happened? I'm starting to feel dizzy about everything that is running in my crazy mind. I guess I have to be more patient because it will be a long night, knowing Quinn usually drinks her butt off until Rachel starts yelling at her to stop drinking.
After an hour of cleaning the house spotless we are now in the entertainment room of the house. It is mine and Quinn's dream house. And that dream house of ours we will have an entertainment room exclusively for close friends, a pool, an attic room for each other. You know when the other one visits there will be a room for her already to crash in. It's really crazy that she already has hers while I'm still living at my apartment enjoying singlehood. Maybe one day I will have mine, when it is time for me to have a family.
"Are you staring at me?" Santana asked. I am not aware that I have been staring at her long enough for her to notice. I didn't even know why I was looking at her while thinking about that crazy stuff.
"No! I was just thinking something" I answered defensively.
"Oh! I thought you missed me too much that you had to stare at me for that long" she said playfully and winked at me.
"You did not just do that! Well you thought wrong."
"Come on ladies, stop fighting. Make love, not war ya' know" Quinn said, teasing us.
"You start playing poker guys, and I'll be preparing our karaoke machine."
"Oh my God Quinn, can you tie up your hobbit wife. I don't wanna hear any Streisand song" Santana said annoyingly. That's what I missed about her sometimes, how she looks cute saying those vicious words of hers. "What? I'm just saying."
"Come on Santana, don't call my wife like that and ohh Honey I would love to tie you up" Quinn answered playfully.
"You did not just say that Fabray. Oh my God! I'm out of here! Who wants some beer or mixed cocktails" Santana said, standing up and looking between Quinn and me.
"Just surprise us San. Any new experiments?" Quinn asked as we watched San shuffling behind the well stuffed bar.
We started playing poker and surprisingly I'm getting luckier every round. I can see that Quinn is starting to be annoyed because she usually wins at this.
"I don't want to play anymore, I ran-out of chips already. You're just lucky now Britt" Quinn said, standing up. "Let's just join Rachel before the Karaoke machine explodes" she winked at us. "Just don't tell her I said that."
Couples of hours later and I'm starting to feel the effect of the alcohol to my entire body. I tried standing up when I saw Quinn making out with her wife on the couch while Santana was busy mixing another drink behind the bar and I decide to go to the kitchen to get a water to help me calm down. I don't want to drink too much and be out of control.
"Britt!" I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard someone call me and grab my elbow. I was surprised to see Santana standing behind me, looking at me with those sad brown orbs I love to look at. I wonder why she is sad, or if she really is sad?
"San what's wrong? Do you want some water? Wait, I'll get you some" I said, trying to get out from her hold and stare. I got another glass of water and gave it to her.
"Thank you Britt. Nothing's wrong, the two out there disgust me you know. They are all over the room" she chuckled. "I'm going to the pool area, do you want to come?"
"Sure" I whispered. Wait, I didn't just say that! Oh my God, now the butterflies around my stomach are starting a riot and my heart it starting to beat fast. I don't know why I feel this way, maybe it's because of the alcohol. But I did follow her to the pool area. We settled for sitting in the corner of the pool, our feet hanging down in the water. She handed me a glass of cocktail which I did not see her holding as we left the kitchen but I smiled and thanked her anyway.
"How's life Britt?" she asked before taking another gulp from her glass of cocktail.
"Good, I guess. I'm opening up another branch of my restaurant and I'm stressing out due to endless contracts and permits I have to get" I smiled, thinking about my success in the business. "How about you San? How are you?" I stared at our reflection in the water as I asked her. I can't bring myself to look in her eyes. I don't know why I'm afraid to look at those beautiful brown eyes.
"I'm good. And I know all about your achievements Britt, did you just forget that Quinn is my best friend too? She is always proud of you, not even once does Quinn fail to praise you whenever we have our phone conversations. I am proud of you Britt, I knew from the very start that you will be successful in any field you choose. I would love to see those stupid jocks that made fun of you in high school and rub your success in their ugly faces." She laughed at what she had just said. Ugh! That laugh, it's like music to my ears. I can't help but blush, she's always proud of everything I achieved.
"Thank you San, I'm upset that I can't say the same thing I.. I.." I said but I was cut off. When she reached for my hand and put hers on top of mine it felt like some electricity ran through my body with that simple touch. When I look at her, I can see a sweet smile plastered on her face.
"It's okay Britt, I understand really. Well, I've been transferred here at California. It's crazy living in New York, although the income is good but I can't take too much pressure from the bosses and being around them" she chuckled but suddenly changed into a serious tone. "I'm happy that I'm having a break from the city. And it also means closer to you guys, Quinn has been bugging me when to visit them, that I missed too much events of their lives. You know, I wasn't there when she married that Hobbit?"
"You're still mean to Rachel" I beamed at her. "But I know you love her because she loves Quinn very much."
"Yeah, yeah. Just don't tell her I told you that" she smiled. "Well, tell me about Kate, I want to know more about the little monster. Do you know that I am also her god mother? Quinn is too great not to inform me" she said, laughing.
"Well, she is adorable. She's still two but everyone is already wrapped around her little finger" I excitedly told her. "And there is one time when I get to baby sit her, we went to the park to feed the ducks. She really enjoyed watching them eat the bread we brought."
"I can see that you already influenced her with the love of ducks" she said as she tapped the tip of my nose. I can't help but grin at her. "I think we should go inside, it's starting to get cold out here and I think those two are already tired of getting their mack on" she said, helping me to stand up. I can't get rid of the wide smile plastered on my face, looking at our hands intertwined as we make our way inside.
We could hear giggles from the stairs as we entered the house.
"Quinn you have to stand up. Let's get you to bed please. I'm already tired, I can't carry you" we can hear Rachel whining but Quinn just answers her with giggles.
"Hey Rach! Need some help?" I asked her, smiling at them. They really look cute together when they're drunk.
"I can take care of it Britt" San interjected. "Where's your room Hobbit?" she asked, carrying Quinn in her arms. When we tucked Quinn on their bed, we followed Rachel to Kate's room, checking her out. We said our goodnight to the little angel in front us and left the room.
"Britt you know where to go already right? Santana, can you crash in Britt's room tonight? We didn't prepare the guest room and it's awfully full of dust right now. I'll clean it first thing in the morning; Quinn already told me that you'll be staying for a couple of days."
"Sure Rach, go to sleep honey. I know you're already tired. I can make San borrow some of my clothes in there." We kissed Rachel goodnight and proceeded to the room in the attic.
"I'm sorry the bed here is too small, I can take the couch" I said, grabbing a pillow and a blanket from the bed as I plopped down on the couch.
"Don't be ridiculous Britt; you take the bed, I can take the couch" she argues.
"No you're the guest here tonight. You take the bed." I smiled at her and laid my body on the couch. "Goodnight San" I whispered as she shuffled towards the bed.
Ugh! I forgot to close the curtains last night, that's why the sunlight is striking my face right now. I stirred slowly, trying to remember why I'm sleeping on the couch. As I sit down, I see Santana sleeping on the bed and that's when I remember everything. Last night, it made me smile remembering, we talked casually just like old friends catching up. I tiptoed towards the curtains to close it, I know Santana hates waking up with sunlight, and made my way downstairs where I can hear Quinn singing the ABC song to Kate.
"Morning Cutie Pie!" I kissed Kate on her cheeks and I received soft giggles.
"Beeeeeeeeee" Kate yelled between her giggles. I stared at her in a sec and I smiled, looking at Quinn.
"Yes baby! That's Aunt B!" Quinn tickled Kate before going back to frying her bacons.
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Kate said while waving her small spoon in the air, giggling.
"Yes Kate, I'm your Aunt B!" I beamed at her.
"What's going on? I can hear those lovely giggles from here" Rachel asked, smiling. "Good Morning Britt."
"Good Morning Rach! You're smart baby here just called me. You show your momma Kate, what's my name?"
"Beeeeeeeeeeeee" Kate yelled again.
"Aww! That's right honey. You're amazing." Rachel kissed Kate on her forehead. "How was your night with Santana? Everything sorted out already" she said as she made her way to her wife, kissing her on her cheeks. Sometimes, I feel jealous of them because they ended up with each other. I just feel lonely looking at them.
"I don't know Rach, we just talked casually you know? Like nothing happened. Like we're good ol' friends" I shrugged.
"Everything will be fine B. She'll be here for I don't know how long. You both have all the time to fix everything" Quinn smiled encouragingly.
"Yeah, soon. I'll eat breakfast later. Just need to have a run, will be on the beach guys! Love ya." I exited quickly.
I love being here at the beach, luckily I live nearby. It's one of the reasons why I chose to live here at California. Seeing the waves gently touching the shore, it calms me. There is something on the beach that makes me calm and helps me clear my mind. I do know that I really need to sort things out with myself first before I talk about it with Santana.
Being with her last night made me happy like something was lifted from my heart. I miss being with her, but I'm not sure if we are in the same page here. Sure, she would love for us to be friends again. But I'm afraid that I will fall for her again. It's been rough when we broke up, I can't hardly stop myself from crying. I don't know if I can afford getting hurt again, though this time I know she doesn't mean it if I get hurt. It's me who will be falling for her.
That night was our history. Part of our story I want to forget but I can't. It still hurts remembering that night. I should've let her explain herself; defend what she had done but it was too clear that whatever conclusion I jumped into she already accepted it. She didn't also make an effort to make everything right. All I heard from her was those endless 'sorrys.' After how many years, I think it's time for us to hear out each other to make everything right.
I jog my way back to Quinn's after my 5 miles run. I feel tired but I know somehow I sorted things out, things that I have to say to Santana.
Before I entered the kitchen I heard someone talking, having a little discussion. I didn't mean to eavesdrop when I heard my name.
"San you know how much Brittany loves you. It's been over for how many years but she still cares, it's just she doesn't know how to act around you because you still remind her of that night. I still don't know what happened between the two of you since then but whatever it is you have to fix it, both of you" I hear Quinn say.
"She didn't tell you? It was my fault and I still don't know how to fix it. After the break-up I thought I can still make it right but I was so scared that I will hurt her again, I already hurt her too much that I can't take another chance to do it again. And I wasn't sure of her anymore. Yes I did love her very much, I still do but I know she's already happy Quinn. I can't ruin her again, she doesn't deserve me" Santana whispered.
"But how about Gabby? I thought you loved her, she is your girlfriend after all San! You can't love her if you love Britt too" Quinn asked defensively.
I was shocked of what I heard. She still loves me but she already has someone now. How could I not think about that, of course she does have someone. Everything is so overwhelming that I can feel my heart beating fast like it was about to explode. I can't explain this feeling. How should I feel? I want to cry so badly but it's like my own tears are stopping themselves from falling. I ran straight to my room to collect my stuff. I need space. I'm too confused right now. I walked by Kate's room and saw Rachel playing with her.
"Rach, I have to go home right now. Something came up at work, please say my goodbye to Quinn" I said without looking at her directly and I sit down beside her to kiss Kate on her cheek who is playing with her colourful building blocks. "Call you later" I yelled as I ran to my car as fast as I could.
I come running back at my apartment like I don't want to look back anymore. Healed wounds are beginning to open again, making me feel how much it hurts as if they were fresh again. How could I not know that she already has someone? Of course she did. I'm the only one here who is left alone still waiting for her to come back even though it was clear that she doesn't want me anymore. Maybe I give wrong meaning to what she said that she still loves me. Maybe as best friend? A friend? Or what? How could I think in such a delusional way?
I was not aware that the tears I've been holding back are starting to fall endlessly. I grab my pillow, holding it tightly and sob quietly as if someone around will hear me. I pity myself for feeling this way. I unconsciously drifted into a dreamless sleep after a couple of minutes.
I wake up the next morning from a very long sleep. I feel a little bit better. I stared at the ceiling thinking what I should do next. I will focus on something else for the mean time and avoid going to Quinn and Rachel's. I need time for myself to collect everything.
LucyQ Incoming: Where are you Britt? Call me when you get this.
To LucyQ: I'll call you later. I'm packing things for that seminar my employees will attend. I decided that I needed to come with them to promote the business too. Be gone for three days or two.
LucyQ Incoming: You don't go to shit like that Britt. I know you, no matter how many of those seminars that will help you to promote your business you never attend. What's wrong? Call me now.
To LucyQ: Calm down Momma. Meet me at the coffee shop in front of my studio. See ya at 4pm. Xo
LucyQ Incoming: Okay. I'm getting worried now. See ya then.
Instead of replying I tapped my phone to close it off and left it on the bedside table. I don't need that now I'm on my vacation. I need time for me.
I called my assistant who is currently in-charge of the restaurant right now to instruct her that she will only give the hotel's number to Quinn if it's for emergency purposes.
Before going to the airport I meet Quinn at the said coffee shop. She doesn't know that it's the same day I'll be leaving. I ordered my usual drink and sat at our usual booth. It did not take long until Quinn arrived with Rachel and Kate. Their family is really an inspiration. After what the couple has been through they still ended up with each other and have a little angel.
"Beeeeeee!" Kate yelled when she saw me waiting for them. I stand up and snatch her from Quinn who is smiling at me together with Rachel. I peppered our little angel with kisses because I know I'm gonna miss her when I take my little vacation.
"B! How are you? You didn't even say goodbye to me when you left yesterday" Quinn said, pouting.
"Something went wrong at work, didn't Rachel tell you?" I faked a disappointed look to Rachel. I love teasing Rachel. It's how our relationship between the three of us works. Usually our bonding is just like sisters teasing each other endlessly.
"Of course I did tell her!" Rachel answered defensively.
"God Rach! I'm kidding" I laughed. "Well I'm leaving the country later for that shitty seminar. I will not be around for days, I will miss you guys" I pout at them.
"You're really serious at what you said huh? But I will not hold you back Britt, take your time. We're ready to talk when you are. And yes we're going to miss you too" Quinn said.
Even though I won't tell it to Quinn she already knows that something is wrong. She has always been like that. If something bothers me she will not force me. Instead she will let me do whatever I want and wait patiently until I'm ready.
"Britt, you know that even if we're not around each other don't forget that we'll always be there if you need us and we love you so much" Rachel added.
"Aww Rach. I love you too guys. I don't know how I can pay the both of you for all the things you guys have done for me" I said, trying to stop myself from crying.
"You don't have to pay us anything Britt. But if you insist, I would be glad if you take care of Kate when we're not around. Love her like your own child" Quinn said, reaching for my hand to hold it.
"You're ridiculous Q; of course I love Kate with all my heart. I will always have time to baby sit her if you ever need it" I said, standing up and hugging them both "Ugh I hate to say this but I have to go, thank you guys for your support. I'll be back soon. Im gonna miss you."
"Take care of yourself Britt, we love you. You are a strong woman, I know even if were not around you can make it through. We're gonna miss you too" Quinn said as she lifted Kate from my arms and gave me a peck on my cheek and another long hug.
"Bye Quinn" I whispered, hugging Rachel. "Bye Rach."
And with that, I walked towards my car. I waved at them as I made my way out of the parking area. I don't know but, that couple has that smile I can't recognize. Its warm and they look so happy.