show: Young and the Restless
central character(s): Billy Abbott, Victoria Newman Abbott
summary: I desperately need you. / Or, Victoria Newman Abbott breathing again. BillyVictoria.
notes: i was watching the Billy&Victoria reunion video on YouTube and this struck me – written in Victoria's POV, of course because I don't write her enough.
disclaimer: still not mine, although I do wish they'd trim the cast way down. Focus on core families and legacy characters. Title is from the song from Owl City called "Meteor Showers". Give that a listen while you read.
Victoria was not that big of a believer in fate – not a believer in something just happening because of the whims of the universe.
Until in the early hours of New Year's Eve two thousand and nine, Victoria walked out onto a snowy curb and saw him. From then on, Billy Abbott, rudely and unabashedly, entered her life and never left.
Not that Victoria would have wanted Billy to leave, but he did.
Before him, her heart was under lock and key with order and organization, and now, Billy left and her heart was sloppy mess and her thought processes a complete and utter mess.
She took a pen and finally signed those divorce papers because she saw Billy everywhere and the hurt was emotionally crippling: in her dreams, in people that looked like Billy but didn't, in pictures around the house and in her heart – even when Victoria shed angry tears and even prayed to whatever force was out there to help her let Billy go. For her sanity, she had to let him go and move on – no excuses. Because that's how she was raised: that a Newman was tough, was strong and could bend but never, ever shatter.
Victoria grasped the pen and her hands shook, her head throbbed and pounded and her heart carried with memory of her husband in the seams. Sometimes, it was as if Victoria can feel the shattered pieces of heart move and stab her just behind the sternum – the pain emphasizing how empty the house was and how wide her bed was, the sheets still carrying his scent.
She wished she weren't wired to having a stupid sense of hope, that kind of hope that willed Billy to appear at the front door and walk through that damn doorway.
And then reality slapped her in the face and there was nothing there – nothing but air and empty space in the doorway. Victoria remembered when he carried her through the threshold, the ink of her tattooed wedding band barely drying and the stinging fresh. The tattoo stung the delicate skin of her fingers where Snake's tattoo gun etched a wedding band to match Billy's (forever and always, remember) and it was so completely worth it.
Victoria saw herself as happy, free and Mrs. William Foster Abbott forever; now, she wasn't so sure.
She knew that back anywhere: the broad shoulders, the light sandy colour of his hair, and the way Billy's shoulders were slightly hunched forward when he sat deep in thought. Or sad about something.
But no, Victoria thought shaking. No, it was a mirage, the product of a deep-seeded wish and a desperate need that left her mentally drained and emotionally kicking and screaming.
It was not Billy.
Either, he was in front of her and alive, or he was truly dead somewhere in the burrows of Myanmar and Victoria was being haunted and she was the only one that could see him. Victoria almost wasn't sure; she almost didn't want to be.
Myanmar was a truly dangerous place where being rich could be wide known and dying could be a terrifying, well-kept secret.
She blinked, and it was as if everything and everything moved in slow motion. For a half second, Victoria went through the emotional motions of what it would feel like to be a widow. She went the emotions of Delia's heartbreak over losing the daddy she loved with the purest kind of love – and that would directly affect Chloe as well. Quite strongly. Victoria went through the emotional ramifications of Jill loving the son she'd regretted being away from, the Abbotts being united on the outside yet ripped to pieces being their ornate doors as Jack would most likely direct all of his anger at her father in a promise to avenge his little brother.
Everyone that ever loved Billy would be devastated.
And then Victoria found that the weight of being a widow was going to be too much for her brass, her steel and she would go against everything her father taught her.
So, Victoria took tentative steps forward as everything started to move in normal speed and said his name. Breathed it like a prayer and a wish Victoria hoped with every fiber of her being would come true. This was Finn McGee's: their airport bar, their special place where she saw the first moment of being trapped with Billy right here due to a snow storm.
The stranger on the bar stool suddenly became the most familiar as something close to recognition registered and settled in those blue eyes.
Victoria was actually seeing him. It was Billy, here and alive, instead of somewhere in Myanmar.
She ran to him, and held on to him so slightly she was afraid that might slip away or she might wake up from this beautiful dream.
Billy still kissed her until it took her breath away.
And Victoria promised she was never going to let him go again.
A/N: Okay, there it is. Feedback is encouraged and appreciated. I hope I got Victoria's thought processes right. This is something I wanted to bang out, quick and tossed out there. Forgive any typos.