Author's Note – written for TF_Speedwriting on LiveJournal. Prompt: "Write a diary entry by any character, any faction which reveals a secret admiration for another character, again anyone from any faction."

A vorn is 83 Earth years. An ursacon is something I made up. Bear-type mech retrorats and turbo foxes and the like. XD Also, this falls in line with my "Designation 24601" series, my version of Wheeljack's background (please see my profile page for reading order), though it reveals an "outside" perspective of time in his life I've not yet directly covered in fic. I hope to do so sometime soon. It promises to be quite the undertaking...

Disclaimer – "Transformers" and all related characters, events, and concepts belong to Hasbro, Takara, and any other related owners/distributors/producers. I get no monetary benefit from this. My benefit is the enjoyment of dealing with beloved characters.

"Secret Admirer"
by DragonDancer5150

Diary Number Three-Nine-Kappa-Four-Six-Eight-Two-Theta
Voice entry

Warp pranked Stars again. Got his aft beaten for it. Again. I don't know about those two sometimes, either of them. Don't know what happened this time either. Neither one of them's talking, and I wasn't here.

Just got back a joor ago from Megadeath's lair. Megatron sent me to check in again on the mech's latest . . . "project". That engineer.

I don't know how he does it. Resists them. I know what Megadeath and his sadistic goons do to people. I've seen it. People just don't manage against that . . . that level of skilled . . . torture. People break, they give up, they give in, they'll promise anything just to make the pain stop. But not him. Megadeath's had him for a quarter of a vorn now, and he's still not broken. Not completely. He begs, he promises he'll be good, he promises to obey . . . in general terms . . . but every time Megadeath pushes him to do it . . . he won't. "Can't". Can't change factions and swear loyalty to Megatron. Can't betray his friends, his loved ones, his "family".

Hn. What do the Autobots know of family, of familial ties? There are no Seekers among them. How can they know about such close bonds when they have none?

. . . I'm not even sure a Seeker could withstand it, refusing to turn on his trine in the face of . . . of that. Doubt Warp could manage it, even if he wanted to. And Primus forbid Starscream do anything that doesn't serve himself and keep his own armor intact.

I can't think of any Decepticon who'd survive – and fight – for his faction like that engineer is doing. Why won't he just renounce the Autobots and swear himself to Megatron? Why does he keep resisting, no matter what it's costing him? I don't understand it! Are his so-called friends really worth that much to him? It's not like they've tried to rescue him. I don't think they even know where he is.

Maybe it's just . . . some kind of sense of honor? However much of a fool that engineer is, he's got integrity - I'll give him that. He won't betray his oaths and his friends. No matter how pathetically he was whimpering the moment before, push him on that point and he's snarling like an ursacon. It's . . . pretty impressive, actually. Even torn up and near death, the engineer finds the strength to get protective and angry like that about his friends. And his oaths and his loyalty.

I have to wonder . . . if faced with the same suffering, could I manage the same level of strength?