I could always be warm and understanding only to some absolutely unknown people, to those victim's friends and family members whom I see every day at work. And I really feel for them, it's all true. But it came out that it's so much easier to help a stranger than someone really close and important to you. And I was never good enough at caring about someone, being around, sharing my privacy. I was really good at hiding my feelings and emotions, though. Keeping calm and cool. It'd been this way only before you've appeared in the precinct and changed my life.
Can you teach me all of this? Can you remind me of how to smile every morning at the person you love, how to share your life with someone else, how to let a person, who used to be a perfect stranger, become a part of your soul? Can you show me how to trust your life to a person with no gun to have your back, how to sleep in someonelse's bed and not to wake up every five minutes, how to go to work every day knowing that whatever you do on duty it will affect this person's life? I don't know, Rick. I'm not sure that I'm ready for this. But I want this; God knows how much I do want this. I want you. I want to be with you, I want to stay with you, live with you, love you. Frankly, I've been waiting for this to happen for the last thirteen years. Ever since I got lost in my mother's case I've been waiting deep inside for someone to come and drag me out of it. You were right; I've been trying to hide in relationships with the men I never loved because you hadn't come, and I never had enough patience to wait for so many years without any sign, any proof of your very existence. You know, I can be stubborn and determined, but not in this, not in a matter of belief or hope. I think I was just afraid of anybody treating it as my weakness. And I learned to hide it so deep that I even forgot about it myself. So, when you finally did come, I wasn't ready and saw a threat to my world in you.
But now I feel that you can change it. I know it in my mind, in my heart, in my flesh. I change every time, when you kiss me, when you touch me, when I feel your warm breath over my skin, when I hear your whisper near my ear, when you simply hold me in your arms laying next to me. And at these moments I begin to think that it can work out.