So this is probably a one-shot… I am now a proud author of 11 stories as of today :)
You DO NOT Harm Fellow Rangers
Gilan had a slightly dislocated shoulder and a sprained pinky.
Will's nose was trickling blood and he had bruises everywhere.
They both had matching black eyes and were laughing their butts off.
Needless to say, Halt was not a very happy camper.
This cheerful trio was making their way to the sacred Gathering grounds of the Rangers. These three Rangers in particular had stocked up on their favorite coffee as all experienced Rangers of their time would.
"No no no!" Crowley stamped his foot in distress, shaking a stern finger in Halt's face. "You do not damage fellow Rangers while you are traveling, on a mission or not!" His voice became reasonably high for a man, and he was startlingly similar to Halt's mother before he had run away from Hibernia. For an absurd (or not) moment Halt imagined Crowley wearing a dress…he had to say it looked quite good on him. He continued on, and the image vanished. "I mean, look at them! They are covered in muck, twigs and branches, blood, bruises..." he trailed on for quite a bit, pointing out every possible thing Halt had done to them.
Gilan and Will, who were the unfortunate victims, were standing in the background looking at each other and not saying anything.
"You should have seen the other guy," Will shrugged.
"If Halt hadn't done that, I wouldn't be the wonderful person I am today!" Gil exclaimed, giving a cheeky grin. The other three rolled their eyes.
Halt grumbled, "I don't think you've had a sudden personality change since the last time I pushed you off Blaze." Will nodded in agreement.
"You pushed him off his own horse?" Crowley screeched.
"Don't forget about Will," Gil said, giving Halt a pointed look.
"Yes, and Will," Halt sighed, knowing that this was not going to go over well with Crowley when he found out how many times it happened. In his opinion, the scrawny imbeciles deserved it. Crowley sighed; he really didn't want to find out exactly how many times Halt's former apprentices got pushed off their horses. But, as the commandant, he had to know in order to write a report for Ranger abuse. King Duncan was going to have a laugh at that…or throw Halt out of the Corps…
As if reading his mind, Gil said, "At least you won't get thrown out of the Corps. Duncan's threatened to do it more times than we can all count combined. But, sadly, he loves Halt too much." Gil shook his head in mock sadness and Will sighed. This was exactly the kind of thing he said before getting thrown off his horse for the fifth time. Halt threw him a glare that said, Don't make me push you off Blaze the next time you mount her. Gilan deliberately paid no mind. He was thinking, On the plus side it only happened twenty or so times.
"No no NO! You do not bodily harm fellow Rangers! For the last time, Halt!" Crowley was about to break down into hysterics.
"It was only the second time, if you ask me," Gil turned to face Will while stuffing his face with chicken browned with honey and other spices over a fire. Gathering time meant everyone had to eat good food, and all good food went with coffee. And, this went without saying, any food goes with coffee.
"Yes, mother," Halt sighed and wondered why he had chosen to sit next to the commandant at the head of the table. Well, it could have been worse and I could have been sitting next to Will and Gilan, he thought.
"I wonder what he did this time," Will pondered over this while he chewed on a chicken leg.
"I dunno," Gilan said, spewing chewed chicken bits all over Will's face. "Hey, eat your veggies!" Will grimaced and wiped his face off, then took a sip of his honey-laden coffee. "Please do not do that again."
Thinking he didn't want his veggies (and not realizing he got chicken spittle all over his fellow Ranger), Gilan took it upon himself to use his fingers to pick up Will's salad and plop it into his mouth.
"Gil, you've got atrocious manners," Will said as he reached over him to get more salad.
"Hey, so do you, your sleeve is trailing in my chicken! This poor chicken has died to feed us, and you don't even have the decency to—" Gilan was cut off by a crash of a goblet (they use goblets on special occasions (in my head)) followed by muffled curse.
"NO CURSING!" Gilan screamed with body and soul, and then slapped Will in the face. Needless to say, since he was still reaching over, he face planted right into Gil's precious chicken, along with the coffee. "WHAT THE FANG IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Uh…" Will answered. Gilan bristled indignantly; plucked his platter of chicken right from under Will's nose, and stomped off mumbling something about can't a nice person can't have a nice meal around here? Will groaned, sat up, and spit out some blood. And he didn't have any coffee anymore, boo-hoo.
"Gil…what exactly are you doing?" Crowley asked, watching him devour some brown chicken dripping with…with…something. Sitting on the grass, in the middle of a big empty space, he looked like a caveman.
Halt grumbled from behind him, "Leave him, he'll be okay. Let's get this over with, my coffee isn't getting any warmer, you know."
"For you information, it's coffee-flavored chicken! I thought you might like to know," he smirked, as if it was the best thing in the world and they couldn't have it. Which, in his eyes, it was. He continued on eating, and Crowley slowly nodded once, actually quite interested. Halt looked like he wanted to slap him in the face. And push him off Blaze. Again. Alas, my friends, his faithful commandant dragged him off so no more bodily harm could come to poor Mr. Davidson.
Time to write Duncan another report informing him of the breaking of code 846, page 735, paragraph 4, line 3 in the Ranger handbook.
Drizzle, pour, sip. Drizzle, pour, dump, sip. Dump, sip, sip. Drizzle.
Gilan worked along to this rhythm through the night, coffee-fying all of the food. Yes indeed, coffee flavored everything!
The next morning…
"Oh my god this is the best waffle I have ever had!" Ranger 12 exclaimed.
"Mmmm, new recipe?" Ranger 39 asked.
"This is terrific!" Ranger 24 smiled.
Similar cries came from the mouths of forty-eight Rangers plus their commandant and their apprentices during breakfast time. All except Halt. And Gilan of course, he was busily beaming at everybody and admiring his handiwork. This time, Halt kicked Gil's butt into next week, not bothering to wait for him to mount Blaze.
Crowley sighed, making a mental note to tell Duncan about this too. Time traveling Rangers never had a good turnout, especially considering what happened last time.
Yep, that came from the randomness that is Gilan :) That had almost no plot but whatever… I couldn't think of a better ending… Hey, over a thousand words!