David and I made our way into the school and headed for the gymnasium, where all of the festivities were being held. With each step I took down the hallway, I could hear the hip hop beats inside the gym growing louder. Walking down that corridor, staring at the doors, knowing what awaited us inside – I could barely contain myself; I just wanted to sprint down the hall and burst into the gym. Somehow I managed to keep my cool, and David and I soon found ourselves at the entrance to the gymnasium. We paused briefly at the threshold and exchanged a brief glance before I pushed open the double doors. As we strode into the darkened gymnasium, I could feel the bass pulse throughout the room, hear the electronic melody fill the air, and see the crowd move along with the beat.
"Yeah, that's my song!" shouted David excitedly.
I shook my head at David as I checked the place out. Despite the inordinate amount of plastic streamers and all the other cheap decorations, the place still looked like the same old, smelly gym. Sure they tried to cover up things like the bleachers and the scoreboard, but c'mon, you could still see all the markings on the floor from the basketball court! Well, at least they had enough sense to put up a disco ball. Around it, some glittery stars hung from the rafters as if to give the impression that we were out under a starry night sky. If they really wanted to give that impression, maybe they should have held the dance, you know, outside.
At any rate, the decorations weren't the reason I was here. I looked around at all of my classmates mulling about. Like a typical middle school dance, the girls occupied the center of the dance floor, keeping to themselves. Only a few brave boys – along with those lucky enough to have girlfriends – mingled with the ladies. The rest mostly stood around the edges drinking punch, chatting with each other, and eyeing the girls. I joined my classmates in checking out the babes.
"Ooh, this looks like a hot party," I remarked to David. "So many girls."
"And fruit punch," replied David, enthusiastically motioning toward the table near the back of the room holding a large bowl of red liquid.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, you go drink your punch. I'll be out on the dance floor getting some action," I said as I strode out to the middle of the gym.
"So babe, whaddya' say we blow this joint and get involved in some extracurricular activities?"
"Eww, get away from me pervert!"
My face still stinging from the pain of rejection, I made my way over to the punch bowl where David was still standing. I snatched a plastic cup from the table and inspected the syrupy red liquid inside before taking a sip.
"Is this a fun party or what?" David exclaimed as he downed another cup of punch.
"Eh, it's alright."
"You manage to score yet?"
Man, I spent the past hour flirting with all the chicks, but all I had to show for it was a sore cheek and a bruised ego. "Nah, not yet." Despite having made out with so many girls throughout the school year, things just weren't working out so great tonight. What's wrong with me today? Does my breath skink? Is my hair messed up? I mean, when I'd approach a girl, things would mostly go well (the last encounter excepted). We'd chat, dance around a bit, and do some flirting, but nothing more than that happened. Well, things did go pretty smoothly with that one really hot Brazilian shorthair chick. We were really hitting it off, and I could totally tell she was into me. We definitely would have made out right there on the dance floor if she weren't so shy about kissing in public. So instead, I suggested we make our way over to some dark corner of the school to get to know each other a little better. We were just about to sneak out of the gym to go find a janitor's closet or something until our teacher caught us trying to sneak out. Nothing kills the mood more than a ranting lecture on chlamydia.
Ugh, and then there was that bulldog. I know I had made out with her earlier in the year, but man, what was I thinking? I coulda sworn she was at least twenty pounds lighter back then, and maybe two times less ugly. Apparently, she enjoyed the first time we made out, and unfortunately, she wasn't as shy about kissing in public. I practically had to claw myself free from that crazy bitch and spend the next ten minutes dodging through the crowd trying to lose her. Man, why can't any of the hot girls ever be the one's chasin' me around!
The rest of my encounters were not so dramatic. Sometimes they'd be fun, sometimes they'd be kinda awkward, but mostly they'd all end in failure. A lot of chicks turned me down because they already had a date. God, whose lame idea was it that you were supposed to bring a date to these kinds of dances? Things are no fun when you can't just hit on all the hot babes in the school.
As I took another swig of punch, I looked out toward the middle of the gymnasium and some of the couples dancing out there. This one couple was all lovely-dovely with each other – you know, the kind of couple that acted all annoyingly sweet, were always together, and had to perpetually remind everyone around them about how much they freakin' adored each other. The way they gazed into each other's eyes and promenaded around seemingly surrounded by their own shell of happiness was just sickening. I wish I were out there on the dance floor just so I could just stick out my leg and trip them as they pranced around so obliviously. What losers! At least they weren't as hopeless as the one really awkward couple on the other side of the room. Those two were obviously friends who didn't want to go to the dance alone but couldn't find anyone else to go with. I loved watching the humorous interplay as they tried to figure out exactly how to treat each other, especially since the guy obviously wanted to upgrade the relationship while the girl was clearly put off by that same idea. The politics of where to put one's hands, the back-and-forth negotiations about how closely to stand, and the ensuing awkwardness as the guy violated the girl's comfort zone amused me to no end. No matter how hard he tried, that dude was not going to be getting any action from her.
Yet even though I stood there chuckling at those two couples, they at least had someone for tonight. For all the flings I had this year, something about it all still felt incomplete. Don't get me wrong, making out with all those girls was great, especially when I got a chance to grab some ass or feel some titties. But I dunno, it's weird how such a satisfying experience can feel so unsatisfying afterward. Just a fling, that's all that they were: a few moments of passion, some hot and heavy action, and then it was all over. Now I'm not one of those mushy romantics like Daisy, but sometimes I was just tired of the whole ladies man act. That's all it was, an act, because behind those make out sessions, there wasn't anything real.
"You better get a move on if you wanna score tonight," David said, interrupting my thoughts. "Right, Paulo?"
"Oh, um, yeah," I replied. "Right."
I sighed as I looked around the gym again, trying to pick out the girls who I hadn't already struck out with. At least making out with some random chick would better than standing here by the punch bowl like some giant loser. I scanned the crowd and picked out a few cute girls that I'd try to hit on, but over at the other end of the table, I saw Daisy approaching Sue (and no, before you ask, I was not checking either of them out). It's just that something was different about Daisy. Unlike earlier in the day, she lacked that bounce in her step as the moved, and her bright smile was now replaced by a worried frown.
"Suzie, have you seen Mikie around anywhere?" I overheard her ask.
Sue shook her head. I glanced around the gym and saw no sign of Mike or that gay scarf that he always wore. Figures he'd pussy out and pass up a chance like this to score with all the ladies who were always trying to claw their way into his pants. Man, if all the girls fawned over me in the same way, I'd have bagged so many chicks tonight. Ha, what a loser to miss such a golden opportunity! He's probably at home reading some lame book or something. I raised my cup to take another sip of punch, but as I held the cup to my lips, I paused. You know, I bet I know what Mike's up to. The dude's a smart guy, and he knows that Lucy's not coming to this stupid dance. He's probably made up some sly excuse to go over to see Lucy. And of course, Lucy will just play along because we all know that – no matter how much she denies it – she really wants him. Then one thing leads to another and Mike gets laid while I'm still stuck here at this lame-ass dance.
I slammed my cup down onto the table. Screw you, Mike! I'm in a room full of hot chicks all for the taking. Forget all that romantic crap – I am going to get some ass tonight! I'll show him who the real man is. And this time, I think I've got foolproof plan.
I walked innocently out to the main scene, letting a smug smile cross my face as I congratulated myself for my brilliant plan. Like before, the dance floor teemed with girls, and in the time since the party began, it had gotten pretty crowded. I pretended to try to squeeze through the crowd, using the opportunity to feel around.
"Coming through!" I shouted as I grabbed a hold of one of the girls by the waist.
Well, who's this? Oh, Amaya. The orange tabby stared at me with a quizzical look on her face. Now there's a kitty with a cute face—too bad she's a bit too flat for my tastes. I let her go and moved onto the next girl.
Katie! Now, there's a girl who's not lacking in cleavage. As I slipped behind her, I managed to grab a little squeeze. Mmm, so soft! Katie obviously didn't appreciate my touchiness, so she turned and slapped me across the face. Yeah, too bad she's always such a bitch. Well, let's see who else is out there.
"Pardon me, just passing through."
Hello Stacy! Now there's a good combination of a cute face and a nice rack. Ooh, and quite a firm ass too! I gave her a seductive purr to which she responded with a shy smile. I was about to put my patented moves on her when Katie grabbed her arm and yanked her away. Man, she needs to get some better friends!
I squeezed through the crowd and, coming up behind a pretty hot girl, I casually stuck my foot between hers, causing her to tumble into my waiting arms. Why, hello there pretty lady. I smiled devilishly at her, but she quickly got back to her feet and moved away a bit sheepishly. Man, what's with it with all these shy girls! Let's see who else is out here.
Ooh, who's this? Man, this dog's got a fine, slender body. And her face is pretty cute as well. Now where have I seen her before? Those floppy ears and those flowers in her hair reminded me of—
That's when I heard a low, menacing growl behind me. And then all I could hear was barking. Barking. BARKING!