Title: Never give up on a miracle
Author: Kyouryoku Senshi
Spoilers: This Is Not Happening, DeadAlive, Season 8
Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance, Skinner/Scully friendship, Doggett/Scully friendship
Summary: Post-Ep. Alternate Ending. After the loss of Mulder, Scully fears she may have even more to lose.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
Scully couldn't recall her thoughts in the moments she went to race for help for the one person who could have saved Mulder. Nor did she think of the possibility that maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. But she was too late, he was gone and she'd never know. She couldn't remember how fast she ran or how she got there, but only remembered realizing she was crying after the "earthquake", shivering and lying on the floor. She heard the people around her in fear and suddenly the doors bursting open as she assumed Skinner and Doggett as well as the team were behind her. Reality seemed to sink in once more and she began thrashing about, screaming. "No….THIS ISN'T HAPPENING, NO!" She felt a set of arms around her, trying to hold her in place. "Dana…I'm sorry!" She was beyond consolation. Maybe it wasn't what she thought she saw. Maybe he was in a coma; maybe he still had a pulse. "I need to see him, I need to save him, dammit!" she began to thrash wildly again Skinner's grip. He remembered the words he had told her the night before. 'It's not like we're going to stumble over him in some field'. He wanted to do more than slap himself for that now. He wanted to blame himself. "Scully, he's gone!"
Just as he had said those words, Scully had felt a painful cramping in her abdomen and he suddenly felt her go still. "I'm sorry," he whispered. When she didn't respond, he loosened his grip and she slumped to her knees. "Dana?" She looked down and pressed her hands to her belly in horror as she felt a light wetness between her legs. "Oh god…NO, my baby!" Skinner looked at her frantically. "Dana? What's wrong?" he demanded.
"I think I'm losing my baby," she began to sob even harder. "PLEASE! I CAN'T LOSE MY BABY!" In horror, Skinner turned to his task force and screamed. "I NEED A MEDIC, NOW!" Agent Doggett, who had apparently been behind him the entire time, was already on it. "You heard him," he screamed at the standing uniformed officers. "GET A MEDIC NOW, DAMMIT!"
Skinner pulled Scully into his arms as she slumped against him, cradling her belly as she kept repeating, "God, please don't let me lose this baby, I've already lost him. I can't lose his baby, please don't take this part of him from me," she whispered not to Skinner, but as if she were in some sort of trance. Her eyes had glossed over as she appeared to be staring straight ahead, but at nothing in particular. A tear slipped down her face and he carefully wrapped his arms around her. He felt tears sting the back of his eyes at the thought that not only has she lost her partner, but at the thought she might also be losing her baby. "I'm so sorry, Dana. This is my entire fault; I shouldn't have let him go. I'm so, so sorry. Your baby will be okay, you won't lose him. I promise you won't lose this part of him too." He hoped to god for her sake it was true after failing her in losing Mulder and the inability to bring him back safely. She didn't seem to hear his words and her eyes seemed to be frozen as the medics pulled her limp body from his grasp and help her onto a stretcher. He heard their inaudible voices talking to her, trying to get her to stay with them. He heard Agent Doggett next to her, at her side begging her to stay with them. He barely heard the medics ask him how far along she was and he guessed that she was at least four months pregnant, past the miscarrying stage. He wanted to hit something, he wanted to scream. He lost her Mulder and now she was losing the very thing keeping her alive this whole time, Mulder's baby. For the first time in his life, he found himself praying to whatever god there was that the baby's life would be spared.
Scully awoke in the hospital, vaguely aware of being attached to several machines and several doctors and nurses who surrounded her. She wanted to believe it was all a horrible nightmare, the loss of Mulder, her baby. It was then she became fully alert as the doctors prepared her for an ultrasound. She heard a second heartbeat in addition to her own, but she knew as a doctor the second heart rate was dropping rapidly. "You're in a hospital, Dr. Scully and we need your cooperation as we're losing your baby's heart rate." Scully began to cry. "Please, I can't lose this baby. I can't." Although they tried to assure her they were doing everything they can, it wasn't enough. She was only four months pregnant; she was going to lose her baby. "I'm so sorry, Mulder. I'm so sorry. I failed you and our baby," she let herself cry as she heard the stopped heartbeat of her miracle child. The doctor confirmed it once they were able to view the ultrasound, showing no movement of the baby. She looked over and read the answer in his eyes and began to sob even harder. "Nooo!" The doctor looked over her and touched her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He looked over at the nurse and nodded as they both decided to step outside and give her some time. The sound of the stopped heartbeat was like a gunshot wound. She wanted to smash the machine; she wanted to shoot herself out of her misery. She screamed and wailed for what seemed like an eternity before she heard a voice. "Scully?" She jumped. The transparent voice led her to the transparent form in front of her. It was the same apparition from earlier, inside her motel room. "Mulder," she sobbed. When she didn't hear a response, she looked away and looked back to see the transparent vision in front of her. "Oh my god, please tell me it isn't true. Please don't leave me. Oh god, Mulder, our baby," she began to sob, cupping her belly which had recently gotten rounder with the now still child. "I've lost our baby," she repeated, knowing she was probably talking to a product of her imagination. But he was still there and she saw him move closer. He gave a sad smile as he placed his hands on her belly. "I know, Scully and I wanted so badly to come home to you when they told me." Scully was shocked by his touch, which felt more like warmth rather than a touch, but rather that she heard him speak. She blinked several times. "Please, tell me you're alive, that you're not leaving me," she pleaded. He gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry Scully, I don't want to leave, but I have to. You will be okay, you will make it." She shook her head wildly. "No, I've lost you and now I've lost our baby. There's nothing left for me to live for. This miracle kept me going; motivated me to find you and look at the result." Keeping one hand on her belly, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. He brushed away a stray hair in the process. When he pulled away, she began to hear a faint sound on the heart monitor and gasped in horror. She watched as he moved his hand from her abdomen. "You're not going to get rid of me that easily, Scully," he smiled. The vision disappeared as a nurse rushed into the room. Scully felt a small movement in her womb she was sure was a kick for the very first time. Scully looked over at the monitor and began to cry tears of joy. "Oh my god." She heard the nurse scream "We have a pulse!" Minutes later, the doctor confirmed the baby was still alive and was utterly shocked beyond all medical science. There was some tearing, but the blood flow had stopped. "It's impossible." Scully looked over to see Mulder looking back at her in the window, but he was gone as soon as he had come.
A few hours later, Agent Doggett entered her room to see her protectively cradling her expanding belly, which was now a more noticeable bump under the bedcovers. He couldn't believe this miracle, but he wanted to for her sake. He didn't want to question it. He knew first and foremost what losing a child was like. "Agent Doggett," she whispered. "Hey, Agent Scully," he whispered with a sad smile. "How are you feeling?" he knew it was a stupid question. Scully sighed, torn between the loss of Mulder and him miraculously bringing their child back to life after being pronounced dead. "I don't know how I'm going to do this without him," she said simply, tears welling in her eyes. "But I couldn't stand losing this baby either, it's a miracle. When I thought my baby was gone," her voice began to break. He sat down in the chair next to her and gently touched her shoulder. "It's okay, Dana. You don't have to explain." She looked at him quizzically and for a moment she thought she saw a pained look in his expression. "Agent Doggett?" He looked away. "I wanted you to find Mulder, so badly. Despite my beliefs about him. I promised you I'd find him." Scully swallowed, searching his eyes for answers, willing him to continue. "I had a son. His name was Luke. He was kidnapped while riding his bike for the first time. I was watching him go around and around until he never came around the final time. Agent Reyes and I were on the case together, she helped me find him. I did find him, in the middle of the forest, but he was gone," he took a deep breath. "There isn't a second that goes by that I don't think that maybe there wasn't something more I could have done, to find him alive. To bring him home. I didn't want you to go through that. I wanted to bring him home safe to you and to your baby, I'm sorry."
Scully nodded taking all of this in. She touched his hand and squeezed lightly. "I've gotten to know you pretty well in these past few months, Agent Doggett and I'm sure you did do everything you could to find your son…to bring his killer to justice and to find Agent Mulder. You don't owe me anything Agent Doggett. Don't be so hard on yourself." Doggett nodded. "Thanks, you sound like Agent Reyes…and you too."
He was about to stand before she caught his arm. "Agent Mulder, where are they taking him?" she whispered. He sighed. "Back to Washington first thing in the morning, which is where we're going. You need to rest up so they can release you to fly."
Scully nodded. "I need to see him."
"I know you do," he nodded sympathetically. He was sure that was the last thing Skinner nodded, but she had every right as the mother of his child and as his beneficiary which she had yet to know of.
Skinner came to her room shortly after. He had been praying for her and the baby's life and praying that she had the strength to get through this. He opened the door and was sure he had startled her. "Dana."
"It's okay, come in," she whispered. Scully bit her lip when she found the same tears of remorse in her superior's eyes. When the door was closed behind her, he let himself go. "I'm so sorry, Dana. I shouldn't have let him go. I've just been hoping and praying for you and the baby." Scully nodded as she let the tears she had been holding back slip from her eyes. She recalled a similar situation between them when she found out she was pregnant and be bore his true feelings in front of her. Only this time Mulder was gone and her baby had been brought back to life. "I know, it's not your fault." He sank down into the chair and placed his head in his hands. "I shouldn't have let him go that night. I shouldn't have left him alone…I should have went with him." Scully brushed away her tears and shook her head. "You didn't know." Skinner sighed. "I just wanted to bring him back safe and to keep you and your baby safe for him. It's what he would have wanted."
"I know and you have," she whispered, touching his arm. "Give yourself a break." Skinner nodded, although not quite feeling the same way. "I'll let you get some rest; I won't be too far down the hall if you need anything or need me to get someone." She nodded. After Skinner left, Scully pulled the bedcovers up to her chin and looked out the window, not finding what she was looking for. She gently caressed her belly as for the first time it really seemed to sink in that she was having a baby. For the last few months she was so focused on finding Mulder, her pregnancy was secondary. It made her upset to think it took nearly losing her baby to get her attention. Mulder was gone and she was all the baby would have. She only hoped she would be enough for this child. She had her mom and her family, but it saddened her that the baby would know nothing of its father's family. Was it really Mulder she saw earlier? She only hoped she wasn't going crazy, but she was certain her baby had a heart beat after Mulder had touched her belly. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander before she drifted off to sleep. Her dreams were filled with images of her, Mulder and a baby at the beach, but she couldn't identify whether or not it was a little boy or girl. Mulder certainly adored being a father though as he helped with the sand castle building. She had awoken a few times at night startled by the dreams, but then reassured by the sound of her baby's heartbeat. "I wish you were here, Mulder. I don't want to do this alone," she sobbed until she finally fell asleep once more.
The next day came early as Scully was discharged from the hospital with strict orders to keep her stress to an absolute minimum. She had some tearing in her abdomen, but she would be okay if properly monitored. Of course the doctor felt the need to reiterate this to Skinner, which he readily agreed. She wasn't going to lose her baby on his watch that was for sure. Scully found it difficult to rest in the plane back to D.C. and felt slightly nauseated. Skinner looked over at her. "Scully, are you okay?" She looked over at him and nodded. "Yeah, just a little nauseous, but I'm okay. Really." Skinner nodded, but fetched a flight attendant anyways for some orange juice and some crackers. "You haven't eaten much of anything, Dana." He didn't bother reminding her she was pregnant and eating for two, he was sure that would agitate her even more. "Thanks," she mumbled. Once Scully had something to settle her stomach, he looked over at her and sighed. "There is one more thing. I know Mulder didn't have any other close relatives, so he left everything to you, Dana." Scully gasped. She knew a year ago he was planning for his death, but was he planning on having a child too? Why her? "Why?" she found herself whispering, more as a comment than anything. "I don't know, Scully. But he has no other relatives and since you are the mother of his child, he made a logical choice," he managed a smile. "I don't want you on your feet quite yet, but it's up to you what happens to his apartment…and his things." Scully nodded. "There's one more thing…" he continued. "There was also a trust fund in which he willed to you." Scully couldn't stop the tears from flowing at this point. Was he really that sick that he had all of this planned out? Had he really known about the baby in some way?
Several hours later, they arrived back in D.C. and after a quick trip home, back at the morgue. His body was to be further identified and funeral arrangements needed to be put in place. Doggett and Skinner were very well anxious and nervous for Scully's reaction. Despite Skinner's protests, Scully would not wait until the next morning to see him. Skinner and Doggett had viewed the body first and she was growing impatient with each passing minute. She held her hands over her belly, as if drawing strength from the baby within. She still couldn't believe her baby was alive and well. She had to use her own kit to listen to its heartbeat the moment she got home. Ever since the night before, she started feeling subtle movements in her womb, reminding her that the baby was still there. When Skinner and Doggett exited the room with grim expressions, they stopped and stared at her, willing her to not go inside, but knowing there was nothing they could do. She had a right to see him as his beneficiary and the mother of his child. She walked slowly over to them and felt her hands begin to tremble. She felt tears in her eyes at the reality of it all and averted her gaze. "I'd like a few minutes please," she said, clearly wanting some privacy. They nodded and hesitantly stepped back, allowing her to enter the room. Skinner grabbed onto her arm, suddenly uncertain she would make it out of here. She looked at him with tear filled eyes and managed to nod. "I'll be ok." He gently released her as she walked inside, closing the door behind her. Scully slowly approached the covered body on the cold metal table. Tears began to flow and with a shaky hand she pulled back the cover to reveal her partner's discolored and scarred face. She sucked in a breath as she remembered finding him the night before and placed her hand against the cool skin. "Oh my god, Mulder," she whispered. She felt more tears slip free and fall onto his face as she hovered above him. "I can't believe you're really gone," her voice was breaking. She slowly analyzed the scars that trailed down his body, horrified at how much pain he must have been in. She jumped at the memory of him in that chair and the drills cutting him open. The scars were in the right places. "I'm so sorry, Mulder. What have they done to you?" She couldn't bear further examining the body and she looked into his face. "Please tell me you can hear me, that you're not really gone." She wasn't expecting a response although she yearned for one. She let out a sob as she smoothed her hand over his scarred cheek. "You saved our baby, Mulder. It was you, right? How did you do it?" It was killing her each passing moment having nothing but silence reach her ears. She felt her stomach begin to knot and she slowly looked away, taking a deep breath. "You knew I was pregnant somehow, but I need to know how. Did they tell you? Is our baby in danger? No one knows but Doggett and Skinner and my mom of course." She began to sob and gently touched his hand, pressing it to the bump of her stomach. "I wanted so badly to tell you and I searched for you for so long. Skinner won't forgive himself for that night." She sighed and placed his limp arm gently back against his body. Being dead didn't make her cherish him any less. She couldn't stop the tears from falling at this point. He bent over rest her head on his chest. "I know you can hear me, Mulder and I love you so much. There'll never be a day I'll stop loving you or forget you gave me a miracle." She had no clue how long she lay there crying until she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Skinner and bit her lip and nodded that she was ready to go. He pulled her into his chest and let her cry.
Scully had a difficult time telling the gunmen about Mulder's death and her mom. The gunmen had promised to help her in any way they could once she told them she was pregnant. She wasn't ready to touch anything Mulder had left her. Not yet. A few weeks had passed before Mulder's funeral and the bump on Scully's belly had gotten bigger. She wasn't ready to handle the funeral arrangements yet and Skinner assured her to take her time. Scully examined the now visible pregnancy bump under her clothing. The rumors had recently started to fly and she wore them like a badge of honor. She couldn't imagine not having this baby or what she would have done if she had lost it. Maggie Scully had found her in her apartment, dressed and ready to go. "Dana, are you okay?" Scully looked at her mother and for the first time in a few weeks, the waterworks began to flow once more. "To be honest mom, I don't know. I don't know if I can do this." Sensing her daughter's distress, Maggie immediately enveloped her in a tight hug. "Oh baby, it's going to be okay," she whispered. She pulled back a moment later and placed her hand on her daughter's belly. "He's still living through your baby and he's watching over you both, you know that." Scully nodded. She had only recently told her mom she nearly miscarried her baby and what she had seen with her own eyes. Her mom told her it was a sign of the continued faith and to never lose hope, to never give up on Mulder. Scully looked down at the proof she now carried inside her. "I know, Mom. I just want to believe he really did know he was going to be a father and that it was happy news for him." Maggie gave her daughter a no nonsense look. "Dana, if I know Fox well enough and from what you've told me about him, I'm sure he was thrilled to have a family again. Don't ever doubt that." Scully managed a smile. "I know." As her mom left her room, she pressed against the firm kicks she now started to feel in the walls of her abdomen. "I wish I could share this with you, Mulder," she whispered. A moment later a transparent form appeared in her window and he was smiling joyfully back at her. "I know, Scully. Never give up on a miracle."
"I won't," she whispered.
A/N: If any of you think there should be a sequel, please leave feedback and let me know! Hope you enjoyed this ending of This is not happening as a filler.