Cas, after eating breakfast with Sam, who is apparently only capable of making toast and waffles, worked up the nerves to go out and talk with Dean. First he'd call Michael, though. Get that disaster out of the way before walking possibly into another one.
He went down to the basement to get his phone out of his bag.
"Yeah, it's me. Hey Anna."
"How'd it go? Did anything happen?"
"Yeah, umm…can we not talk about this now? Is Michael there?"
"Yeah, he's in the study. Cassie, you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, just woke up not too long ago. Still a little tired. Could you put him on?"
"Yeah hold on.."
Cas could hear Anna put the phone down on the table and hear her voice calling out to the oldest angel. The next thing Cas heard was the receiver being picked up and his brother's voice on the other end.
"Yeah. You said call in the morning. It's morning and I'm calling."
"Okay, thank you for not making me wait again."
There was an awkward silence before Michael spoke again.
"Is that Winchester going to drop you of again?" He didn't sound too happy about it.
"Yes. Dean is working right now in his dad's garage, but when his shift ends he said he'll drop me off."
"When will that be?"
"I don't know. Between 3 and 5 I guess."
"Text one of your siblings when you know for sure. They will call me in."
"You're going out again?"
"For a few days, yes. Goodbye Castiel."
Great. By the time Cas got back Raphael would be there, and Cas was almost certain that Michael wouldn't have told the younger angel about Castiel's outgoings. It was truly ridiculous. Of all the half-fallens in that house, Castiel was the one the two of them watched like a hawk. What, he had two bad years in 17 good ones? How long have Gabriel and Balthazar been getting away with shit because the others were busy watching him? If he had half the balls he wished he did he'd have told them off long ago. Sure he'd have gotten a lovely scar to match the others on his back but he'd have gotten his point across.
He got dressed, pulling clean clothes out of his bag and putting them on gracelessly, before he decided now would be a good time to go see Dean. He was already in a shit mood because of his brothers; Dean couldn't possibly make him feel worse.
As he was walking up to the garage in the front of the lot, Cas could see the third bay where Dean was working as he neared the garage. He shoved his hands into his jean pockets and he entered through the back door of the bay, like he was always told to do if Dean still happened to be working when he got there. He took a seat on one of the stools at the back workbench and waited until Dean was finished doing whatever it was he was doing under the car.
He was wearing the blue jumpsuit, Cas could see that now, stained black and brown from rust and oil and grease and general wear. He looked good in the blue one though, Cas thought to himself.
About a half hour later Dean finished working on the under part of the car and slid out from beneath it, stopping the creeper when he saw Cas sitting at the back workbench, playing with something he couldn't see form this angle. Cas had looked over to the car to see if Dean was done yet, and was greeted with a greasy face and a nervous smile. Cas waved, answering the smile and an equally nervous nod.
"How long you been sitting there?"
"About 5 minutes. Not too long."
There was an awkward silence as Dean leaned against the side of the car, pulling a rag out of his jumpsuit pocket to wipe his face and hands.
"I, uh, I got your message. You sounded…apprehensive."
"Gee, Cas, did I?"
"You don't have to snap at me."
Dean dropped his head, immediately regretting speaking at all.
More silence came between them.
"If you want I can come back when you're done with the car. I don't mind-
"No. No we can talk now. I mean, I'm almost done here anyways. I just have to go under the hood and fix the-"
Dean stopped, realizing Cas wouldn't get anything he was saying about the car.
Cas just nodded and put down the carpenter pencil he had been using to doodle on the wooden table top with. He looked at Dean, blue eyes staring expectantly. Dean wasn't saying anything. Cas could tell he wanted to, he kept fidgeting with the rag in his hands and licking his lips, but he wasn't speaking. Cas pulled out his phone and played Dean's voicemail from earlier out loud.
"Hey Cas. Before you ask why I'm calling instead of just coming inside, let me just tell you that when I said I was sorry for….last night, I didn't mean it like that. And the mistake part. I heard what you said after I laid down, and, when you get this come out to the garage. Please. Okay that's it, I guess."
"Was playing that really necessary?"
"Well you weren't speaking."
Dean looked at Cas, thoroughly unimpressed with his matter-of-fact tone, but Dean didn't say anything further.
Cas hopped off the stool and made his way towards the door he'd come in from.
"Where are you going?"
"Dean," Cas stopped before the door and turned back around to case his friend. "You called me to come out here and talk. I'm here and you're not talking. My being here is clearly making you uncomfortable. So let me do both of us a favor and do what you told me to do. Forget about it."
The words hurt Cas to say them just as much as it hurt Dean to hear them. Cas had wanted nothing more than to know the feeling of Dean's lips on his own for months on end, and he'd finally gotten to experience it. And now, now he was walking away. Away from Dean, away from last night. His chest hurt at just the thought of what would happen on Monday at lunch, or before that when he would be able to see Dean on the field from his classroom.
Dean was just as hurt. How many times had he hooked up with a girl just to prove to himself that he didn't like Cas in that way. If he could fuck another person how could he like Cas? Dean's sexuality wasn't even the issue here. If you looked good and he wouldn't get arrested for it, there was a good chance he'd sleep with you. But he'd never liked anyone before, not like this. And he was scared of it, but he wanted it so badly. He'd thought of a thousand and one things to say to Cas when he got here. And now he was getting ready to walk out the door, and Dean couldn't think of a damn thing to say to him. Not one goddamned thing.
Cas let out a breathed chuckle.
"Yeah… See you 'round, Dean."
Cas turned around and walked back out to the house to get his things.
Dean kicked the stool across the floor, running his hands over his face and through his hair. He fought back against picking up a crowbar and beating the shit out of the car, deciding instead to be his stupid reckless self and run out the back door after Cas.
"Cas, man, wait up! Hey! Dude come back. Cas!"
Cas stopped but he didn't turn around, just stood there with his hands in his pockets and his head down.
Dean caught up to him, out of breath, and came around to face the smaller boy. It took him a minute or two to start breathing sort of normally, but Cas was patient. After all, he had waited this goddamn long.
"Cas please. Don't go home yet. It's just, I surprised myself last night and I-fuck."
Dean spoke through labored breaths. Cas couldn't help but wonder if he breathed like this during hunts, or if he'd been able to run more then.
"You were surprised? You? Yes because I saw that kiss coming all night long, Dean."
"Don't get snarky with me, man. I'm trying not to sound like a dick."
"Little late don't you think?"
"Wha-What the hell, Cas?"
"Why are you freaking out on me?"
"Contrary to whatever you believe Dean, when someone kisses you like that and then says it was a mistake and to forget about it, it kind of stings a little."
Dean felt like an ass. He could tell Cas was getting real tired of his beating around the bush with this. He knew Cas well enough to know that it wouldn't take too much more to make him walk home.
Dean grabbed Cas' right wrist and pulled it out of his pocket, and lead the way to the picnic table in the back of the garage. Dean sat him down, then sat across from him on the opposite bench.
"Okay. You listened to the message and the forced me to listen to it again. You heard what I said, Cas."
"Refresh my memory."
Dean's mouth hung open for a moment just before he dropped his head. Of all the people he could have chosen to start crushing on, Cas would be the one to give him hell like this.
"You could just replay the me-"
Cas waited for Dean to grow a pair enough to talk. Funny. The guy could hunt monsters and ghosts but to talk to his best friend about kissing him, he was damn near petrified.
"Before the sun goes down would be nice."
"I'm working on it, alright!"
"Maybe I should start, yeah?"
Dean looked right into Cas' eyes, mildly surprised that he even wanted to talk to him still. Dean's mouth felt like he had swallowed cotton balls it was so dry, so he just nodded nervously and awaited Cas' voice.
"After everything in the last year and half-everything-you never once even hinted at feelings for me! Not once, Dean. Do you know how many months I've been swallowing feelings for you, Dean? Because I really don't think you know what last night mean to me. No, I'm not talking about the kiss. Everything else. All the talking and the storytelling. I mean, how many people are you willing to share that stuff with, Dean?"
"What feelings are you swallowing for me?"
Cas lowered his head and raised his eyebrows at Dean, mildly surprised at the answer.
"That's all you got out of that? Really, Dean?"
"No. But Cas, c'mon. You know me, the way I am. This shit is weird for me. Stop tormenting me about it, dude."
Castiel raised an eyebrow. Dean smiled cheekily. Sure now it was easy to talk. Cas' stare didn't let up however, so Dean just raised his hands in a sort of mock surrender.
Alright. Okay, fine. You're right. I never tell anybody and of that. About me and Sam, or my dad, none of it. Just you, Cas. Alright? Just you."
"Why what, man?"
"Why just me? You have how many friends at school? And none of them even know you."
"Well yeah. But this is different. I mean, you were my first friend." Dean smiled, and it was his stupid grin, but it was sincere all the same. "And about the rest of them…yeah they're friends but they don't get it."
"Oh…and I do?"
"Would we be sitting here otherwise?"
There was a silence, neither of them really knowing what to say next.
"So why now then?" Cas' eyes were looking intently at the grain in the wooden tabletop. Dean's face looked partially confused, and when no answer came, Cas elaborated.
"Why wait 'til now to act on whatever it is you're feeling? Why last night?" Cas' voice was getting audibly frustrated at this point.
"I don't know, Cas! I don't! You keep acting like I actually understand this shit, and I just don't, okay."
Cas stayed silent. He hadn't had much experience in this area of human emotions, especially when it came to Dean. Dean was either being a sarcastic and snarky asshole, or just plain jokingly fucking around. Around most people, Dean had three moods: fuck you, fuck me, and fuck this. Cas wasn't used to this side of him, this frustrated, emotional side. He looked into Dean's eyes, looking for something to grab onto to make Dean feel better about all of this.
But Dean's normally cool and calm and at-ease look wasn't there to meet Cas' gaze. Dean looked vulnerable and to be perfectly honest, it worried Cas more than a little.
"You're doing it again."
Cas tilted his head to the side slightly, squinting just a tad.
"Don't give me that 'confused puppy' look."
Cas tilted his head a bit more.
"Ugh! It, Cas! That thing you do when your eyes get all wide and blue and stare at me. It's creepy. I feel like you're looking through me or right in my soul or some shit."
Cas had never noticed he'd done it before. Oh how he wished he could simply look at Dean and see how bright his soul must be. It was another thing Cas missed about being an angel.
Dean almost immediately regretted saying anything once Castiel lowered his eyes.
"DEAN! Let's go. You have a car waiting!"
John's head appeared from the back door of Dean's bay. Cas was slightly surprised John's voice carried as well as it did, when he was usually relatively softer spoken. Or at least he was when Cas was around.
"Okay, man, Just stick around until I get off at 3, then I'll drive you home. Michael won't try to kill me right?"
Dean winked as he got up, not actually meaning the question. After all, if Michael was gonna kill him, Dean figured he'd have enough sense not to do it on his own lawn.
Dean was already walking back to the garage and out of earshot when Cas let out a low groan and banged his head on the table. He almost missed not having emotions.
Three o'clock rolled around and Cas was thankful he didn't have to lose to Sam in yet another tournament of Mortal Kombat. It never mattered which character Sam chose, he won every time.
The two heard the front door open and Cas inwardly celebrated. As much as he loved hanging out with Sam, he really hated losing. Dean poked his head into the living room, face red form heat and smears of grease across his forehead and cheeks. Cas was about to get up to get his bag form the basement when Dean held out his hand to stop him.
"I'm not getting in my baby like this. Give me 20 minutes tops to shower."
Dean clicked his tongue and disappeared up the stairs. Cas looked back to Sam, who was already going to switch games. Thank God!
"Which one? I mean, you're pretty bad at all of them, but some you aren't too bad…ish."
Cas rolled his eyes and moved beside Sam on the floor, eyes scanning the drawer of video games. Cas picked up one of the GTA's and Gran Tourismo 5. The flipped a coin to choose between them.
9 races later, Dean came downstairs, hair still dripping water down the side of his face.
"20 minutes my ass…" Cas said as he got up off the hard floor.
"Yeah yeah. You try scrubbing grease and oil off your face and tell me how fast you are."
Cas held his hands up and smiled a bit. He said by to Sam, and the two were out the door. Dean popped his head in the garage and told John he'd be back in a few hours, and not to wait for him for dinner.
"A few hours?" Dean, my house is literally a 15 minute drive."
"What I can't do things after I drop you off? What has the world come to?"
Cas rolled his eyes.
"I told O I'd stop by Harvelle's later and help here fix some stupid thing in the back room."
"Oh. Tell her and Ellen 'hey' for me?"
"Don't I always?"
Awkwardness back….great. They got in Dean's car, them in the front and their bags in the back.
"Did you think about my question at all?"
"The 'why now' one, you mean?"
"A bit, I guess."
"Best I got was that it was a heat of the moment sort of thin. It was al your fault after all."
Cas hadn't seen the smile play onto Dean's face.
"My fault? My f- Dean I swear to-"
"Oh- hey, relax. I was just kidding man. But you did start the pillow fight, which lead to the fucking-around-fighting match, which…yeah."
"And you never answered my question, either."
"What question, Dean?"
Cas looked at Dean, thoroughly confused.
"Why do you do that?"
"You only put my name at the end of your sentence when you're annoyed at me."
"You have that effect on people, Dean."
"What question are you talking about?"
"These, uh, feelings you've been swallowing?"
"Oh, that one…"
"I can drive slower if you're gonna need some time…"
Cas inhaled and exhaled deeply before he started.
"You're really gonna make me do this, aren't you?"
"Okay Fine….- I like you. You happy now? I like you and as stupid as it is, I don't not want to. And Michael would murder me 6 ways from Sunday if he ever found out, and now it's just gonna be weird around you because of last night and why the fuck did you have to kiss me, you bastard?!"
Dean was silent for the few seconds it took him to pull over to the side of the road, desperately trying to quickly digest all of what Cas had said. That wasn't the response he'd expected. A simple 'I like you' would have sufficed.
"Why-Why would it be weird? I mean yeah a little right now, at first, but Cas, man, if you think this, last night, is gonna screw things up you're wrong."
"Maybe it won't for you, Dean, but for me…"
"Why? Why would it be different for me?"
"Because, Dean! The guy you've liked for months, months! kisses you randomly, and you like it, but he doesn't know how you feel at all, AND he just happens to be your best friend! The situation is different for me than you. And knowing that it won't happen just…"
Cas trailed off. The last sentence punched Dean right in the heart. He'd figured weeks ago that Cas liked him, which was why Dean hadn't felt so offset by his own feelings, knowing they were returned. But Cas had no idea, like, at all.
"Who says it can't happen? Cuz I haven't seen or heard that anywhere. Ever. And in fact…"
Dean paused as he took hold of Cas' hand, gently.
"…I think it sounds like a damn good idea."
Cas took his hand back and set it on his lap. Dean's face dropped a little.
"You don't have to Dean. I'm a big boy, I'll be fine. I don't you to try and make me feel better."
"Damnit, Cas. Will you shut up and just look at me for a second. Please. You look me-in the eye- and tell me if I don't mean this!"
Cas looked up, eyes slightly glossy, and starred. Surprisingly he hoped he would see something that told him Dean didn't mean it. He couldn't. And he couldn't help the smile that came to his lips either.
"Okay then. Can I start driving again? Yeah…good."
Dean kept his hand palm up on the seat between them. Cas took it happily. Michael was going to smite the living hell out of him. And he couldn't find a care in the world to give.
A/N: I know I promised this would be up earlier, but inspiration died. And if it's not there I don't write, if I do it's shit. And I refuse to let you guys read shit. I realyl enjoyed writing the day after the first kiss, so I hope you lot enjoy reading it. Review! Review! Review! I love getting them. Let me know what you think, or hope will happen in future chapters, and I'll see how much I can fit in it.