Picture perfect memoriesScattered all around the floorReaching for the phone 'causeI can't fight it anymore

I had all the old pictures of me, Jayne, Nicky and Chris all around me. I was sat cross legged on my bed, in floods of tears. Stephen is long gone, I hope he never comes back to harass me like that ever again, it's so stupid that I let it get to me like this but I can't help it. It comes back to haunt me whenever I close my eyes, or whenever I'm alone. I love having the girls around me but they can't be my rebound forever, they're growing up, they've got their own lives now. They're not going to be here for me forever, I'm trying to get used to that. I really need a man, a man in my life that I can be there for and he can be there for me, it needs to work both ways, someone that understands what I've been through. I picked up the very first picture of me and Chris, back in the 1980's. And I wonder if IEver cross your mindFor me it happens all the time

Chris always seems to creep back into my head. Whenever I'm feeling down he just creeps back up on me. I've always loved this picture, it's my favourite in my whole collection, all the photo albums I have filled with memories, I still come back to this picture after all these years, it just puts a proper big smile across my face every time I see it, but for some bizarre reason I can't bring myself to put it in a frame, or on display. I just sat and stared at it, our heads were close together and our arms around each other's necks. There's a big blob at the top of the picture where Jayne must have had her finger slightly over the lens. It's a quarter after oneI'm all aloneAnd I need you nowSaid I wouldn't callBut I've lost all controlAnd I need you now

And I don't know howI can do withoutI just need you now

I've thought about telling him I needed him so many times. I want to be with Chris. Its more of an urge than anything else, its become stronger over time but secretly it's always been there, at the back of my mind, ever since the very first time I met him. So many times when I've been alone like this, having a bit of a down day, I've nearly picked up that phone and got him over here to get it all out. It was getting harder and harder to resist. I don't think I could live without him now, we've never been in that kind of a relationship together but I'd always thought it would be a possibility, and I don't know what I'd do if he moved away or anything like that…Another shot of whiskeyCan't stop looking at the doorWishing you'd come sweepingIn the way you did before

Drink was my worst enemy. On days like this when I just felt so awful, I just got in from the rink and poured myself a glass of wine. It was like my therapy, Jayne always telling me I drank far too much and all the risks blah, blah, blah… and then she would come over and join me for a glass or two herself, what a hypocrite. [ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/g/glee/need_you_ ]And I wonder if IEver cross your mindFor me it happens all the timeIt's a quarter after oneI'm a little drunkAnd I need you nowSaid I wouldn't callBut I've lost all controlAnd I need you nowAnd I don't know howI can do withoutI just need you nowWhoa, whoaGuess I'd rather hurtThan feel nothing at allIt's a quarter after oneI'm all aloneAnd I need you nowAnd I said I wouldn't callBut I'm a little drunkAnd I need you nowAnd I don't know howI can do withoutI just need you now... Oh baby, I need you now

"Karen? Is that you?" Chris answered almost right away, I was almost surprised. But I had to get all those feelings out, they'd been stored and locked away for far too long, I had to find out if he felt the same way. I climbed into bed with the phone pressed up against my ear, and the photo of us in my left hand, stroking it carefully. I was dreading his response, but looking forward to it at the same time. I'd waited so long to find out if he felt the same way. When we were together I felt some kind of chemistry between us, but somehow too shy to admit anything directly to him. But I needed to. Maybe I'd had a little too much to drink, I didn't know and I didn't care, I just wanted to know how he felt, and even if he didn't feel the same way I wanted him to know I loved him…