The two had arrived to Paul's house in London about an hour ago.
'Now this is my house too…' John smiled at the thought.
They were unpacking everything, making a few arrangements to the house, cleaning and making it an even tidier place.
"I'd never been in this place before," John commented.
"I bought it when I divorced Lin."
"I need to see my girls, John."
"I know," John nodded. "We'll go tomorrow."
"No. I need to go now."
"You must be tired from the flight, the airport, the unpacking, and everything, love… You should rest and wait for tomorrow."
"You don't understand… I haven't seen them since the last time I flew to New York to see you. I've called them, and everything, but it's not the same. They miss me, I miss them. I feel like a bad father. I need to go now." Paul said determined.
"Let's go now, then." He smiled.
"I think you should go to see Cyn and Jules while I go to see my girls."
"I prefer to go with you… I'm scared," John admitted.
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of what he will think! He may hate me! How many times do you think I called my son when I lived with Yoko?"
"That's why you should go alone this time, John. Can't you see? I'm sure he wants a time alone with his dad. I'll go with you another day. I can assure you something: you're going to be a big part in the life of your son, we're going to visit him frequently, and Lin, Stella, Mary, Heather, Cyn, Jules, you and I are going to be a big family."
"A big family, huh?" John smiled.
"Well, I can't really assure you that… but I can assure you that you will see your son frequently. It's not too late, John."
Soon Paul left, and now, being alone in the place I'll easily and quickly learn to call home, I'm wondering how I can knock that door and say sorry to my son. I really admire that thing in Paul; he is so fond and dedicated to his family, so caring and lovely. He worries about my relationship with my son and encourages me to fix things with him and Cyn. And I will do it. I just don't know how. After all this time, how can I knock that door and say sorry? What if they really hate me? What if my son doesn't want to listen or talk to me? What if Cyn decides that the best thing for him is me not being able to see him again? Suddenly, my mind started to get full of scary 'what-ifs', until I started to think: What if he misses me and wants me to be a big part in his life? What if Paul is right and we can all be a big family? What if they really accept my apology and we all end winning?
I finally grabbed my coat and decided to go. Why should I wait another day? I'll never know anything if I don't take the chance. I also can't let Paulie down anymore. He trusted me on doing this.
My worried thoughts made the road faster, and before I knew it, I was standing in front of Cynthia's house.
What do I do know?
This is it. I can't go back. I need to do something.
Knocking would be the first thing to do.
I knocked very lightly a couple of times, but no one opened the door. I assume no one heard.
I knocked again, this time a little louder.
"Who is it?"
That's when I heard her voice. I completely forgot about how much I love Cynthia's smooth voice.
Before I could answer or say something, she opened the door and her eyes widened. It's obvious that she wasn't expecting me at all. How can I know what is going through her head right now?
"John?" she looked at me with confused eyes, but she didn't look angry.
"Cyn," I smiled slightly.
"It's been a long time. Come in,"
My first worries fade away at that moment. She didn't yell at me or kick me out; she just invited me to come in. I only wish I could make up all the pain I have caused to that woman.
"So, how are you doing? I honestly wasn't expecting you at all." She said.
"I'm doing fine, thank you." I forced a smile. "I came here for a lot of things, really… Is Julian here?"
"No, he's at a friend's house, but he will be here soon."
"We need to talk." I determinately said.
"Well, we can sit here," she pointed at the big sofa in the living room. "Do you want coffee, tea, or something?"
"Not now. I just want to talk to you."
"I'm sorry, Cyn… for everything. God, in the past I never stopped to think about how much pain I have always caused you… I'm sorry… I'm sure you hate me…" As I was talking, my voice was becoming weaker.
"I don't hate you, John. You'll always have a special place in my heart."
"I don't really understand how you can not hate me after everything I've done to you. Ever since we met I've been a pain in the ass for you! I even hit you twice when we were teenagers…"
"But I forgave you,"
"You always did…" I tenderly smiled. "You sacrificed your life as an artist to take care of Julian, and I did nothing! I wasn't even there when he was born, he grew without me… I've been an awful dad…"
"You've certainly not been the best father of them all, but you aren't the worst either, John."
"You are so kind, Cyn… Thank you, really. You deserve everything in the world; you deserve a good husband, someone who threats you the way I didn't…"
"I'm actually dating a guy, he's good."
"Yeah? That's awesome, Cyn!"
"And you? Things are well with Yoko, I suppose."
"I actually divorced her. I believe it's already on the news."
"You divorced her? She seemed to be everything you wanted."
"That's what I used to think…"
"What made you change your mind? Or should I ask, who?" Cynthia inquired.
"Well… It's funny how I'm slowly fixing all the injuries I did to people from the past…" I fully smiled, picturing Paul in my head.
"I think I am getting your point, John."
"The thing is that I finally admitted Paul McCartney is my true love."
"You finally fixed everything with him? That's nice! It was really sad how you two fell apart when the band broke up."
"Yeah… I caused so damage to him… and I caused damage to you too… and Julian… I have caused a lot of damage to a lot of people in my life, Cyn. But it's getting better now, you see? I have a good feeling, I've got very good vibrations with the new me. I feel like a different person now… It's the feeling of something new… Like that feeling I got when 'Love Me Do' got a place in the charts. It was Number Seventeen, but it felt like a Number One! Then we made a lot of Number Ones…"
"You sound very happy and enthusiastic." Cyn gladly smiled.
"That's because I am! I'm back to where I once belonged! It's just that I was always afraid of admitting that's where I always belonged."
"And that is?"
"With Paul, Cyn! Paul was always what I wanted! Paul is what I want… And now that he's mine…" I smiled mischievously.
"So it's a serious thing, eh?"
"Yes." I nodded. "I moved here with him. I'm living in London now and I plan to bring Julian to my life. I'm going to be the good father I've never been."
"Are you serious, John?" Cynthia's eyes glowed with happiness.
"I'm dead serious, Cyn," I smiled brightly at her.
I couldn't say something else, and either Cynthia, because the next thing we heard were loud knocks coming from the door. "I'm here, mom! Open the door!"
Regrets? Fears? There was no time for that the minute I heard my son's voice after so long. My eyes lit up when I saw my twelve-year-old son running to the living room, not noticing me for a minute. But soon he noticed, and with his confused eyes Julian stared silently at me for a little less than a minute.
"Father," he called. There was a bit of sadness and hope in his voice.
"Son," I replied; tenderness present in my weak voice.
He tried to avoid my eyes for a second, but failed at it; his eyes were looking straightly to mines.
"What are you doing here?" Julian asked. He didn't say it coldly or angrily, but the question still hurt me.
"I live in London again now, son."
"Oh, so you've come here to pay me a visit."
"Not just a simple visit, Jules. I want to be with you, take care of you, play with you, hang out with you, talk with you…"
"The thing is, that you and I both now I haven't been an award-winning father," I forced a weak smile, trying to find the right words to say to him, "And you can't imagine how much I regret it now."
"What do you regret?" he curiously inquired.
"A simpler question would be what do I not regret." I chuckled nervously. "But regrets are pointless, really. People can't go back in time, but they can analyze their mistakes and fix them slowly."
"Am I one of your mistakes? Because you once said I was born out of a whiskey bottle on a Saturday night."
"Oh God Jules… I'm so sorry…" my eyes soon got full of tears. How could I do this to my own son? I want him to give me a shot, but if he doesn't… I really don't have the rights to blame him.
"Why are you crying?" he asked another of his questions. I just wish I could give him the answer he wants to everything but I know I can't.
"Because I love you and I'm sorry." I sincerely said.
"You love me?"
"Very much," I nodded.
"How can I believe you?"
"I live near you now, so I will be spending a lot of time with you. I know I can't make up to you all the time we lost from the past; all I ask of you is to give me the chance to prove you that I can be a good day to you. I will do my best and I won't give up. So what do you say?"
"I say I missed you," Jules finally smiled, and that's all I wanted from him.
Cynthia had been staring at the whole scene without saying a word. She eventually got up her seat, and the three of us shared a warm hug. It's not too late, isn't it? Paul was right, after all… He is always right…