Disclaimer: United States of Tara and The Avengers are not mine.
Warning: There is a female to male and a male to male kissing, but that's it, it doesn't go any further. This is not a slash nor romance story.
This fic is betaed by the awesome allfromreality. The rest of the mistakes are all mine.
This is all Loki's fault.
Tony would like to blame all his problems on Loki, even before he met Loki. He knows this to be untrue as he is capable of making problems without Loki's help, just ask Pepper and Rhodey. But this particular problem is indeed Loki's fault, all the Avengers and Pepper agree.
It all started on a fine Wednesday morning when the Avengers were called because the Statue of Liberty was wearing a green dress and the torch she carried was replaced by an actual flame.
Tony questioned why they needed the Avengers for such a thing, as they certainly didn't work for the New York City planner. If Liberty had a fashion statement to make, it was all her choice. Apparently Fury didn't think so and he was convinced that Loki was involved. Tony was absolutely sure that Fury was obsessed with Loki and would like to blame a lot of problems on Loki, which to be fair, in most cases was fair because Loki did cause SHIELD and by logical extension, the Avengers, a lot of problems. Perhaps Loki and Fury had some sort of torrid affair going on because they seemed to be obsessed with each other, he shuddered at the thought. Tony really hated his own train of thought sometimes.
When they arrived near the Liberty Island, they found that the Liberty situation was indeed caused by Loki as he was standing smugly there waiting for the Avengers to arrive complete with the scepter sans his horn. Tony was pretty sure the old scepter had been destroyed. Perhaps there was a "Buy one, Get one free!" deal for scepters in Asgard, as a scepter seems to be a fashion statement for megalomaniacs. Speaking of megalomaniac, Fury forgot to mention that the Statue of Liberty was also wearing Loki's horn. Not to mention, there were literally hundreds of flying monkeys around the Statue.
Thor seemed to be delighted by the sight. He boomed, "Oh, brother, thank you. Now I get the reference."
There was a collective sigh among the rest of the Avengers.
Battle ensued. It was heartwarming to see that Bruce could transform easily into Hulk and he was happily chasing and squishing the monkeys. The rest of the team was doing well because they're monkeys, not the Chitauri soldiers. It was a dire situation when the Avengers were reduced to fighting monkeys, albeit the flying variety. Tony sincerely hoped that the monkeys were conjured by non-science - he still needed to come to term that magic existed. It's very likely they were the non-science varieties as once a monkey was blasted or hit, it literally disappeared.
Suicidal as he always was, (no, Tony wouldn't consider himself facing Loki as suicidal as he had a back-up plan), when the monkey situation was under control, Cap went face to face with Loki. He said, "Loki, please be respectful of the Statue of Liberty, put it all back to normal!"
The rest of the team was tuned in to the conversation while fighting.
"Or what Captain? What are you going to do? Hitting me with that shield? You know I'm a god, right? You should kneel before me," Loki replied silkily.
Without missing a beat, Cap replied, "What is with your obsession with people kneeling before you? I was told you are an alien, not a god. And yes, I'm going to hit you with my shield."
"You need to take things easy, soldier out of time. Put yourself in someone else's shoes!"
A few things happened at once.
Cap threw his shield after adjusting the angle. Loki thrust his scepter at Cap's direction, a blue light emanated from the tip and hit Cap squarely in the chest. Cap fell down. Tony, being the closest standing to Cap, caught Cap before his head hit the floor. The shield conked Loki's head on the temple. Tony thought served him right if he chose to put his helmet on the Statue of Liberty instead of protecting his own head. Had he mentioned that he really hated his own thought sometime? The shield bounced back and Tony caught it and wondered whether Cap adjusted the angle of throwing so that 95% of the time the shield flew back.
"What have you done to Cap?" Tony inquired. Cap was heavy, luckily the Iron Man suit was really strong.
Loki tried to look dignified, well, at least as much as he could muster after being conked on the head, which was not much. "I think you must be deaf or slow. As I said before, your Cap needs to put himself on someone else's shoes. He needed to relax."
"I hate to tell you this, Loki, that's what I have been telling Cap for a while and he never listened to me so why should he listen to you?"
Just then all the monkeys had disappeared and all Avengers' attention turned to Loki.
Loki honed in his attention to the Hulk. Tony thought he looked a bit scared.
"Because you're not me, I'm known to be very persuasive. You'll thank me later! I have to go." With the last sentence uttered, Loki disappeared.
Thankfully, the Statue of Liberty was back to normal. It didn't matter how resourceful the Avengers were, but they couldn't return the Statue to normal status by themselves. Now, they just had the problem with an unconscious and heavy Cap.
He put Cap down. "Hulk, could you scream next to his ears?" Tony asked.
Hulk did just that but Cap didn't even stir.
Well, there was that, Tony thought. He put Cap on the Quinjet and they returned to the Avenger Tower.
2 hours after the scepter incident
Bruce, as the unofficial doctor for the Avengers, checked all Cap's vitals. He reported they were all normal. He was just simply asleep without any signs of waking up soon.
They all looked very sombre.
As typical with Tony's luck, they were called in for a debriefing with Nick Fury sans Cap. Nick Fury yelled at Tony and blamed him for the Cap situation. This really was not fair. He admitted to himself that 99% of Fury's problem with Tony was actually caused by Tony, of course he wouldn't admit that in front of Fury. This was the 1% case. It was not his brother who caused this mischief. It was not his fault that Cap was suicidal. Bruce saved the situation by saying that Cap was just asleep, not in coma. He said just waited until tomorrow and saw how the situation was. Besides, Thor was there and he could always locate his brother and demanded him to return everything to normal.
Thor looked a bit shifty, which was an interesting look for him. He later admitted to Tony that he actually didn't know how to locate Loki and also couldn't request Loki's help unless he wanted to do so himself.
All things considered, things went well, thanks to Bruce. Tony was not wrong about Banner.
Usually Cap would calm Fury down but in this case, Cap was the one causing the problem in the first place, not that he did it on purpose, but the result was the same. Tony got blamed again.
They returned for dinner in the tower. The atmosphere was subdued.
"Perhaps Captain Rogers slept an Odinsleep" Thor suddenly offered in the middle of chewing a slice of pepperoni pizza.
"Yeah, except he is not Odin, so I think it's more like a Rogerssleep." Clint joked lamely.
Well, Tony thought Clint's jokes were mostly lame.
"I don't think Steve would appreciate having to sleep another Rogerssleep, seeing that he had been asleep for nearly 70 years," Bruce said thoughtfully.
"So how do we wake him up?" Natasha asked, always the practical one.
"Since sleeping beauty was awaken by a kiss, perhaps someone could kiss him?" Tony joked, not lamely (according to Tony).
They looked at each other.
"Well, it's worth a try as it's related to magic," Bruce offered, "There's no harm in trying."
"But that was a joke!" Tony yelled.
"Hell, no! I like and respect Cap but I draw a line at kissing!" Clint yelled.
All the others looked uncomfortable but they still went to Steve's room. Cap looked very peaceful and youthful in his sleep without his usual nightmares, Tony thought. Well, despite being 90 plus year old, Cap technically only lived around 25 years before Rogerssleep so he guessed he could be considered a 25 year old. He was wearing pajama instead of Cap's uniform so he guessed someone, most likely Bruce, since being a doctor, he was used to nudity, had changed his cloth.
They still looked at each other uncomfortably, except for Thor. Well, Thor was an alien so he had a different standard.
"Oh, for God's sake, it's only a kiss," Natasha came forward, put her hand around Steve's neck and kissed him fully in the mouth, which lasted for quite a long time. The rest of them, except for Thor, were fully agape. Thor just laughed heartily.
There was still no reaction from Steve, which Tony thought was typical. He was sure all of them have dreamed to be kissed by the Black Widow but since they valued their life, didn't dare to mention it. Here, she volunteered but Steve didn't react.
"Well, at least I try. I take one for the team!" Natasha threw her hands up.
"Yes, I'm pretty sure that was a big sacrifice for you to kiss Cap. No female in the right mind would want to kiss Cap," Tony quipped but he quickly regretted because Natasha slit her eyes and advanced toward Tony.
"Oh, let me try." Thor offered quickly, Tony was not sure whether that was to diffuse the situation or because Thor had been waiting for the opportunity to kiss Steve since he didn't seem to object to the idea.
Before they could stop him, Thor rushed to Steve's side, took hold of his face, and kissed him fully on the mouth, even longer than Natasha's kiss, not that Tony was counting.
There was still no reaction and Thor looked really disappointed. "I thought it would work since it was caused by an Asgardian so I thought another Asgardian could help."
"Sure Thor, we understand. We won't judge you," Bruce said quickly, to save Thor from embarrassment.
Not that Thor was capable of being embarrassed and he seemed very eager. Perhaps the relationship between men was indeed very different between Midgardians and Asgardians.
Way to go Steve, not only you got to be kissed by a beautiful woman but also by a hot demigod, but I guessed they were still below your standard. He chose not to think the alternative, which was Steve would never wake up.
"I'm still not volunteering!" Clint quickly added.
''I think our quick experiment has proven that it couldn't be cured by kiss by either male or female," Bruce replied.
Bruce was a saint, Tony thought. He was not welcomed to the idea of the whole team kissing Steve, no matter how hot he was. Wait, did he just call Steve hot? Well, I'm a secure heterosexual guy so I can admit that another guy was attractive without feeling being threatened.
They all returned to the dining room and continued dinner without much appetite.
24 hours after the scepter incident
Tony was working on Mark 8 in his workshop.
"Sir, Captain Rogers is awake. I was told to inform you immediately when he is awake."
"Thank you, Jarvis!"
He quickly rushed to Steve's room followed by the rest of the team as apparently Jarvis had informed the rest of them.
"So Capsicle, welcome to the future! We are the future robots of the Avengers," Tony said.
Steve looked alarmed. "What? How long have I been asleep?" he said.
"24 hours, and no you're not in the future, well, technically 24 hours is the future from yesterday but not that far off," Bruce quickly added and directed his glare at Tony. "I thought you would be sensitive given Steve's history."
Tony raised his hands and added, "Well, I'm not known for my sensitivity, just ask Pepper."
The rest of the team nodded. They were used to Tony's antics. It was just easy to go with the flow rather than arguing with Tony.
"How do you feel?" Bruce asked Steve.
"Just feel fresh after a good sleep but I feel a bit strange, just feel like there are some thoughts that were not mine," answered Steve, he blushed and added, "I'm also hungry."
"Well, let's get you some food first and we'll do some testing afterward," Bruce said.
After consuming three bowls of noddle, Steve went to Bruce's lab for some testing but he couldn't find anything wrong with Steve physically. He just ordered Steve to take it easy for a while.
Steve agreed and said he would take a walk around the block to clear his mind.
They were worried but Steve said he could take care of himself. Tony disagreed internally because look how well he took care of himself earlier. They also knew Cap was stubborn and just let him go but made sure to ask him to use the Starkphone to call them if there was any trouble.
Steve agreed. The rest of the team returned to their normal routine.
The next morning (after the 24 hours)
Tony nearly chokes on his coffee. Clint really chokes, Natasha raises her eyebrows before busying herself with thumping his back. Bruce looks shocked and Thor amused.
Steve walks into the dining room wearing only a towel and says, "There is a woman in my room, I'm just going to hide in here until she leaves."
Tony laughs. "Sure Cap, you know this prank is so bad, it's far below my welcome to the future prank."
"No Sir, there is indeed a woman in Captain Rogers' room," adds Jarvis helpfully.
Steve rubs his hair guiltily in a very un-Steve manner and says, "I'm not sure why you refer to me as Cap or Captain, but yeah, I slept with her last night and now I don't want to have a relationship with her."
Now the rest of them, including Thor, are fully agape. They, sans Steve, quickly run to Steve's room.
-I apologize about the state of the Statue of Liberty in the story. I respect the Statue and what it symbolizes. But this is Loki's mischief story so I need to do that. I let the situation back to normal quickly.
-There is no monkey harmed in the making of the story.
-It's not a typical hurt and comfort story. It's a story of Steve having different personalities as played by Chris Evans in other movies. Steve is supposed to be OOC here. I hope others are more in characters.
- I purposefully changed the tense to the present tense from "the next morning" onwards.