A quick note: Society leadership and members are based off of the game DC Universe Online. Leadership therefore consists of Lex Luthor, Circe, and the Joker. I know that this may vary from the comic book version, but it works best for the purposes of this story. Reviewers will be invited to play on Lex Luthor's exclusive and world-class golf course.
They were, Lex Luthor had decided, woefully in need of a strategy meeting.
Despite forming the Secret Society of Super Villains, the aforementioned villains were failing to collaborate effectively. They were still being beaten by the so-called heroes on a far too regular basis, and it was affecting both Society and LexCorp profits. However, with so few opportunities for planning, and with the Society as internally fractured into separate factions as it was, the Society's members would need a more casual venue to hold a gathering than a straightforward meeting. Something outside the Hall of Doom would be nice, Lex thought, something away from all the architecturally enforced boundaries.
Sitting at his desk in the LexCorp headquarters in the Midtown district of Metropolis, Lex Luthor looked out the window at the glorious view of his city. Of course, his own goals went largely against those of Circe, not to mention the Joker. However, they were, as the expression went, the enemies of his enemies, and therefore they shared some common interests.
Perhaps a golf game would serve his purposes rather nicely, Lex thought. He had partaken in many such meetings before, all for LexCorp business, naturally, and had found them quite effective for getting what he wanted. It was always useful to take a competitor out of his or her comfort zone and into one where they, oddly enough, felt more at ease. A game of golf was an excellent way to ensure complete privacy and forced companionship for a good four or five hours. And Lex Luthor always used those hours to their fullest. With nothing to do but talk, agreements were often reached by the end of the third hole.
Besides, and Luthor could not help but smile at this, he was a rather accomplished golfer.
Of course, with so many Society members, they couldn't all play at the same time. But they could split into groups with different tee times, all play eighteen holes, and reconvene at the end of the day to come to a final arrangement.
Lex Luthor picked up his phone and dialed into the secure Society line. He had a number of phone calls to make before the day was out.
The course and club were, like almost everything else in Metropolis, owned by Lex Luthor. Arranging for a private engagement and acquiring the silence of certain managers had been easy enough. With both their jobs on the line and the new bonuses in their pockets, they had found it quite within reason to forget about certain events. And he had managed to find a number of caddies willing to accept certain future payoffs to ignore the obvious risks of serving well-known villains. Idiots. Of course he was going to dispose of them later. If they were too stupid to see that then they were unnecessary to the company anyway.
Lex Luthor, of course, had the first tee time. He would play with the other heads of the Society, Circe and the Joker.
Remarkably, both Circe and the Joker showed up on time. Circe, per usual, did not so much wear clothing as she did cover what was necessary and allow the rest of her figure to show. She was, Luthor was pleased to see, in proper dress code for the club. Her cape had been fashioned with a collar, and her thigh-high heals had been equipped with proper golf-shoe soles. Lex Luthor smiled and reached out for her hand. "Ah, Circe, you are looking as radiant as always." Circe, purring, allowed Lex Luthor to kiss her hand. "The pleasure is all mine, Luthor. I am sure that this meeting can prove productive." Lex Luthor smiled. Circe, despite her arrogance, had always been fairly rational. As for the Joker…
"Why hello, Lexy! Hope you don't mind I brought my own caddy with me." He motioned to Harley Quinn, who stood grinning beside him, carrying the Joker's golf clubs. She waved and giggled, "I hope you don't mind me coming along to support my Puddin'!"
Lex Luthor forced a smile. "Not at all," he said, dismissing the caddy he had assigned for the Joker. "Ms. Quinn is more than welcome to join us." Lex Luthor was no stranger to terrible golf outfits, but the Joker had set a new standard. In green and purple plaid knickers, oversized purple golf shoes, green striped socks, purple polo shirt, and green golf cap, the Joker was in one of the most horrendous outfits Lex Luthor had ever seen. And as for Ms. Quinn…well, Lex Luthor had not been aware that it was possible to make a golf skirt out of red and black harlequin pastels, but it was an image he knew he would most certainly like to forget.
It was a shame, really, what had happened to Ms. Quinn. Before meeting the Joker Dr. Harley Quinzel had been a rather accomplished psychiatrist in her own right, and could perhaps have provided Luthor with some useful insights into the Metahuman and Kryptonian psyche. But, that was in the past. Lex Luthor now had such individuals as Dr. Psycho to provide him with that information.
Naturally, Lex teed off first. Selecting his club, he opened the game with a beautiful shot that landed perfectly about two-thirds down the fairway. Luthor smiled. An excellent way to start a game.
Circe's turn was next. "Servant," she purred, her voice like honey, "pray tell, what club do you think it would be best I use here?"
"Well, considering how long a hole this is, ordinarily I would suggest a driver," the caddy was confident, speaking as naturally with this goddess as he would with any other client. "But considering your strength," he continued, "I would suggest a three wood."
Circe smiled and accepted the club from the caddy. Her form was perfect, though, with her figure, it would be hard to notice if it weren't. She lifted the club, executed a perfect swing, and sent the ball flying, flying…directly into the woods to the right of the fairway.
"Ah, a little slice there," the caddy said, "don't worry, I'm sure we can find the ball."
"You," Circe's liquid voice had suddenly turned to ice. "You suggested that I use this club, did you not?" Lex Luthor stiffened. Circe's temper was as legendary as she was. "And you, in your incompetence, have now caused this failure to occur."
"I, I'm sorry, ma'am, I didn't know that—"
"Fool! You will call me your Goddess! Do you wish to anger me further?"
"No, no, of course not, um, Goddess, of course I don't want to make you angry." The caddy was starting to sweat through his polo shirt. Circe walked towards him, towering, "No matter, if you still wish to serve me, I'm sure I can find a place far more fitting." There was a flash of light, a scream that transformed midway through into a roar, and where the caddy had stood there was suddenly a boar-headed Beastiomorph. "There," Circe smirked, "a position far more fitting your abilities…and your intellect."
Lex Luthor sighed. He had seen equivalent behavior before, in golf outings for LexCorp business. Certain individuals could suddenly become very competitive when playing golf. They would throw clubs and swear when a shot did not work as they had planned. Circe had just saved him the cost of one caddy elimination, but the prospects of coming to any sort of agreement or arrangement with her diminished in proportion to every increase in Circe's anger. If she had already turned her caddy into a Beastiomorph, the prospects for the rest of the game could only diminish from here.
"Oh, come on now, Circe, don't be so uptight!" Joker skipped over to the tee and grinned. "We're just playing a friendly little game of golf, aren't we? And what are games without a little fun?" Joker pulled a green golf ball out of his pocket and set it on the tee. "Harley! Bring Daddy the driver!"
"Comin' right up, Mistah J!" Harley bounced over to the Joker and handed him the golf club. The Joker swung back, his movements big and exaggerated, and brought the head of the golf club smashing into the ball as hard as he could.
Lex Luthor could not help but raise his eyebrows. The Joker's shot was actually good. It was sailing through the air, perfectly straight, and farther even than Lex Luthor's had gone. It kept soaring through the sky, sailing farther and farther until it touched down ever so lightly on the green…
And promptly exploded.
"There!" Joker cackled. "Now that's what I call a hole in one!"
"An excellent shot, Joker, sir!" Lex Luthor looked over at his caddy. Apparently the misguided fool had decided that emphatically agreeing with these clients was the best way to avoid being transformed into some sort of giant beast. "You really think so?" The Joker giggled and walked up to the caddy. "Thanks, pal! You're a real sport!" Joker grabbed the caddy's hand to give him a vigorous handshake. There was a smell of burning flesh, a sound like a small thunderclap and a stifled scream, and the caddy's smoking body fell face-first into the grass. "Oops!" Joker chuckled. "Guess I set the voltage on this joy buzzer a little too high." He and Harley burst into a shared maniacal fit of laughter.
Lex Luthor closed his eyes for a moment. The loss of the caddy was nothing, but Luthor could not help but calculate in his mind the ever-increasing expenses of this little excursion.
Luthor let out an exasperated sigh. This was going to be a very long four hours indeed.
Next Chapter: "Arctic and Green"