A/N Um I have nothing to say except that I could write about these two for days!
The Way You Look At Me
Jackson Avery had never thought that he would do this. He picked Mark over Lexie. Not for the reasons that he had told Lexie though. He could barely look at Mark today and every time he did, he remembered a particularly hot dream he had had the night before. He doubted that anything would ever come of his growing feelings for his boss, but ending things with Lexie so that he could spend more time with Mark was well worth it. He wanted to go see Mark. To tell him that he had ended things with Lexie. Jackson wasn't sure if Mark was still here and he knew that after the fuss he had made today he wasn't sure if Mark would still want him on his service.
Jackson headed out to the lobby and he could see Mark's figure walking out of the hospital and into the rain. Jackson ran to catch up to him, hoping he could reach his boss before Mark got into his car and drove off for the night. Mark turned around when he heard footsteps behind him. It was his plastics resident, the other half of the Plastics Posse.
"Dr. Sloan, I apologize for my behavior-" Jackson started nervously.
"Don't apologize Dr. Avery. I happen to have a pretty major surgery tomorrow. You in?" Mark asked. He didn't understand why Jackson had suddenly cold shouldered him all day today. Asking Derek and Owen didn't help in the slightest. They equated it to a lovers quarrel…but that's not what it was. They weren't lovers. Mark didn't want Jackson in that way. He wasn't into guys. So why then did Jackson's apparent rejection seem to hurt him so badly? Mark was trying to convince himself that it was work related, but he wasn't really being successful at it.
"Yeah, absolutely." Jackson told Mark. He was startled by how quick Mark was to forgive his standoffish behavior.
"Great, looking forward to it." Mark told Jackson. Even as Mark turned his back and headed towards his car, Jackson found himself staring after him. He very quickly snapped out of it and headed back into the hospital. He was suddenly much happier. He was no longer with Lexie and he was back under Mark's teaching. He didn't have the guts to tell Mark that he had ended things with Lexie. Maybe tomorrow.
Jackson had a hard time sleeping that night. All he could think about was Mark. When he did sleep, he dreamt hot sexy dreams about the older established plastic surgeon. Jackson was pretty sure that he wasn't supposed to be having these dreams about his boss. Jackson was embarrassed to admit that he was falling for Mark. Jackson had never been into guys but there was just something about Mark that drove Jackson absolutely nuts. Jackson couldn't even pinpoint when it happened either. That was the most aggravating thing to him.
Once Jackson got into work, he went in search of Mark. He hadn't even met the patient yet but Jackson knew that Mark would want to be there when he spoke to the patient. He went straight to the Attendings locker room to look for Mark. He poked his head around the door and spoke,
"It's Dr. Sloan in there?"
"No Avery. Check the on call room. He came back in late last night." Said a voice that was unmistakably Dr. Webber's.
Jackson was annoyed that Mark wasn't in the Attendings locker room. At least if he was, Jackson may have been able to keep his blushing under control. He doubted he'd be able to do that in an on call room. Shit he knew what those were used for. He poked his head in the first one he saw and he smiled slightly when he saw that Mark was sound asleep, facing the door. Jackson opened the door and stepped into the room and at that moment, Mark opened one eye and made a noise. Jackson wasn't sure if it was a groan or a growl.
"Dr. Sloan, I was told you were here." Jackson told him tentatively.
"Avery, what the fuck are you doing here at… Shit it's seven? Why didn't anyone wake me earlier?" Mark was checking his watch that he always wore on his wrist and he was panicking for having slept so long. Mark was now struggling to sit up as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He needed a coffee, but he wasn't going to make Jackson go get it for him. Maybe he'd talk the one blonde intern that clearly had a thing for him into getting one. He struggled to his feet and then he was finally looking at Jackson. Jackson looked like hell but Mark sure wasn't planning on pointing that out.
Last night after Mark had turned his back on Jackson, he had still felt the resident's eyes on him. That night he didn't sleep well. He kept seeing Jackson's face, and especially Jackson's eyes. So instead of just trying to sleep he came back into the hospital to work on some charts. He had gotten behind in charts for the first time since his fellowship. Having a sleepless night definitely gave him time to catch up.
"When were we supposed to be in surgery Dr. Sloan?" Jackson asked. He noticed that Mark was really having a hard time looking him in the eye. Jackson wished that he knew what that was all about.
"Seven-thirty." Mark replied as he double checked his watch. Jackson sighed. He knew that Mark liked to get his patients prepped at least an hour before surgery and he guessed that their patient had not been prepped yet.
"Let's go tell the nurse to prep her for surgery." Jackson told Mark. Jackson started to head out of the on call room but he stopped when he realized that Mark wasn't following him.
"Dr. Sloan?" Jackson asked. He was confused. Why wasn't Mark heading for the door and why, oh why was Mark looking at him like that.
"Why must you fuck with my mind so damn much Avery?" Mark demanded. His voice was kind of at a growl and Jackson was surprised.
"What do you mean Sir?" Jackson asked.
"You look at me like that and all I want to do is strip you naked and fuck you hard into this bed." Mark told him. Now his voice was more husky than growl-y.
"Wha…What?" Jackson demanded. Never in a million years would he have expected Mark to say the things he was saying.
"You are looking at me and when you look at me it makes it harder and harder for me to insist that I don't want you." Mark informed him.
"Y…You want me?" Jackson found himself stumbling over his words for the second time today. Mark was saying the words that Jackson had longed to hear. He swore this was some dream. It had to be. There was no way Mark would say these things to him.
"Yes I want you right here and right now." Mark informed him. Right now Mark was using every bit of self-restraint he had not to kiss Jackson right then.
"B…But Sloan you aren't… gay?" Jackson pointed out. Damn he didn't understand why he kept stumbling over his words.
"I know that Avery, but when you look at me none of that matters." Mark told him honestly. Mark had never expected to desire Jackson Avery in this way. It was a shock to his system to realize that he wanted Jackson Avery and he wanted all of him. He could tell that Jackson was nervous and he wanted to make sure that Jackson knew that if he didn't want to do this, Mark would be okay. Their plastics posse would be okay.
Jackson's hand was trembling as he locked the door to the on call room. He wanted Mark, gosh yes he did. He was doing his best not to seem too eager though. He needed Mark's lips on his. He needed Mark's skin beneath his fingers. Tentatively Jackson made his way back to Mark. He didn't know the first thing about sex with guys. He knew it could hurt but he also knew that Mark would make him do anything he didn't want to do.
He needed to be the one to make the first move. He was tentative as his lips brushed Mark's lips and his anxiety went away the moment he touched lips with his boss. Jackson's hands reached for the hem of Mark's scrub top and he pulled it up over Mark's head, letting their lips separate for a millisecond. Mark was tentative too. Normally Mark would have been the aggressor but he found himself being tentative about this. Maybe because Jackson Avery was still his student. Maybe because he didn't have any experience with guys before. Mark wasn't sure but he knew that he was hopelessly inexplicably attracted to Jackson Avery. Mark's hands dropped to the hem of Jackson's top and he pulled it off of his body.
Jackson was the first one to touch Mark's lips with his tongue. He was dying to kiss Mark more passionately. Mark parted his lips, allowing Jackson to slip his tongue into Mark's mouth. Jackson's own tongue found it's way into Mark's mouth. Jackson's hands ran down Mark's back slowly. Mark's hands stayed at Jackson's waist and he pulled Jackson's body close to his so that there was basically nothing between them.
This was stopped abruptly when there was a knock at the door. Mark and Jackson immediately stepped back from each other as if they were burned.
"Dr. Sloan? Mrs. Sanderson's family are wondering when she'll be heading into surgery." One of the few nurses Mark hadn't pissed off called through the door.
"Tell them…tell them she'll be in surgery within the hour." Mark called back. Even he could tell that he was breathless and he hoped that the nurse who he was certain was named Shelby hadn't picked up on it.
"Do you want us to begin prepping her?" Shelby asked through the door. She wasn't stupid. She knew Mark's reputation and the door was locked. He was probably getting busy with some poor naïve nurse.
"Yes that would be great." Mark called back.
"Okay, we'll go do that then." Shelby told him before she walked back down the hallway in the direction of Mark's patient.
Back in the on call room, Jackson could barely look at Mark. He was scared to death that Mark was regretting doing what they had done. Mark forced himself to look at Jackson and was surprised that Jackson wasn't looking at him. He seemed barely able to look at Mark.
"I don't regret this Jackson. Shit we both know that if we didn't want this to happen, it wouldn't have." Mark told him. He was aching to pull Jackson in his arms and kiss him senseless again but they were due in surgery soon.
"What happens now?" Jackson asked nervously. He didn't want to assume that they would be revisiting this scenario again soon but he also didn't want to have that possibility completely off the table.
"We go into surgery to give Mrs. Sanderson a better quality of life." Mark told Jackson as he reluctantly pulled his scrub top back on. Jackson nodded as he too put his shirt back on. He had worn his scrubs to work because he knew that Mark would be waiting for him and he didn't want to waste time throwing on his scrubs.
"I meant…I mean yeah." Dammit Jackson was stumbling over his words again. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.
"The surgery won't take forever Jackson. This is her final skin graft. I have the OR reserved for six hours but I don't think it'll take that long." Mark told him. He suspected he knew what Jackson was too embarrassed to ask.
"Oh." Jackson murmured as he dropped his gaze to study his feet.
"Jackson?" Mark questioned.
"Yeah?" Jackson asked as he lifted his head up and locked his blue eyes onto Mark's grey ones.
"Kiss me." Mark told him. That was the only way that Mark was going to be able to last while they performed the surgery. Jackson didn't have any words of argument. He stepped forward and locked his lips onto Mark's, pushing Mark slightly against the door. Mark grabbed Jackson's shoulders while Jackson wrapped his arms around Mark's waist. When Jackson finally pulled away and looked at Mark, he could tell that Mark was very much turned on.
"Again." Came a whisper from Mark's lips. Again Jackson pressed his lips to Mark's own lips. This time he was harder and just a bit more forceful. When he pulled away, they both gasped for air. These kisses were spine tingling and earth shattering. Both men knew that they had never had this type of chemistry with any other woman and that scared the shit out of both of them.
"That will have to do for at least a few hours." Jackson murmured. Gosh of course he didn't want to stop kissing Mark but they did have surgery to perform in about an hour.
"What the fuck are we doing here Jackson?" Mark asked quietly. He didn't want to just be Jackson's fuck buddy. He was afraid to ask for more though. Maybe Jackson wasn't into him. Maybe this was just a one day thing.
"I thought it was pretty obvious. You can't fake what we just did. I mean you could but…" Again Jackson was being an idiot. He hated how he got rambly when he was nervous.
"Look I'm into you. I'm not gay but I am so into you right now that it's not even funny." Mark told him bluntly.
"How can you not be gay but still be into me?" Jackson asked confusedly. It made no sense to Jackson but maybe Mark could explain it so he could understand it.
"I don't know. I just know that you are the only guy I've ever been into and it's scary and if you could see into my head right now you would realize how quickly my brain is trying to process this…all of this." Mark was now running a hand through his light brown hair.
"We should go get ready." Jackson told Mark. Slowly Mark nodded. He knew that Jackson was right but he couldn't let Jackson go without knowing where he was with all of this. Mark was about to unlock the door but then he stopped.
"I'm falling for you." Jackson whispered into Mark's ear. Mark was pretty damn sure he had never heard anything sexier. Now he was wondering how the hell he was going to get through the surgery. Especially with Jackson standing right across from him. Mark made his way out of the on call room and Jackson followed him. They knew that there was no reason for others to think that they were having sex so they thought they were safe to come out of the room together.
Those six hours turned into eight because they were having a hard time controlling Mrs. Sanderson's bleeding after they had done the skin grafts. Every time Mark looked at Jackson his cheeks would heat up and Mark was thankful for his surgical mask. Jackson was still having a hard time looking at him. He was still embarrassed at his confession. He suspected that it had turned Mark on but he sure hadn't planned on revealing that particular secret this soon.
Finally they were out of surgery and it was four-thirty, they were both starving but they also knew that if they didn't get to an on call room soon the hospital was going to get a show. Somehow they managed to slip into an on call room together without anyone noticing. Jackson locked the door and before Mark could make any demands on Jackson, Jackson kissed him. Hard, passionate with a hint of desperation. Those eight hours had been hell on both of them. They had been aching to get their hands on each other and stolen glances across the table just wasn't doing it for either of them.
Within seconds scrub tops were torn off and hands were everywhere. Mark's breaths was coming in short little gasps as he felt Jackson trail kisses down his chest. Mark could feel his legs shaking, Jackson could barely concentrate on what he was doing because Mark's hands were all over his body.
"Bed." Mark managed to gasp out. Jackson pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Mark's hands rested on Jackson's hips. They both knew that they were teetering on thin ice. If they went further, their friendship would be changed forever.
"Mark?" Jackson mumbled against his skin.
"Yeah?" Mark replied
"Are you sure you want this?" Jackson asked. He was giving Mark one more chance to back out if he really wasn't into this.
"Yes." Mark confirmed. God he was desperate. Jackson's lips had turned him on so badly. He needed to take this further or he would have to take an ice cold shower. Jackson smiled against Mark's skin and moved his lips back to Mark's lips. Kissing Mark left him dizzy. He desperately needed Mark's lips on his as much as humanly possible.
Taking it to the next level was amazing, painful sexy but above all it was a game changer for both men. Neither of them had ever experienced anything like it. After it was over, Jackson collapsed next to Mark and very lightly kissed his shoulder.
"Wow." Jackson whispered. He could still hardly believe that he had just had sex with his boss. And for it being the first time with a guy for both of them, Jackson had to admit that it was much better and much less painful than he was expecting.
"We just…" Mark was in shock too. Never in his imagination would he have thought he'd be having sex with a guy.
"Yeah we did." Jackson murmured. He was hoping that Mark wasn't disappointed. After all it was the first time for both of them.
"Feel like coming over tonight?" Mark offered with a smirk slowly crossing his lips.
"Yes." Jackson agreed as he climbed back on top of Mark and kissed him again squarely on the lips. God he just couldn't get enough of kissing Mark. Now he felt like a girl, but Mark was intoxicating. Jackson wasn't sure if it was the way Mark smelled or the way he carried himself. Maybe it was both. Mark's hands still rested on Jackson's hips as he kissed Jackson back. Damn Jackson had gotten under his skin so deeply that Mark was unsure if he would be able to extract him.
Jackson finally got off of Mark and he slowly began to put his clothes back on. Now he had no problem looking Mark in the eye. Mark on the other hand was afraid that he had taken advantage of the younger man's feelings for him. So he could barely look Jackson in the eye.
"Mark I wanted this." Jackson told him as Mark stood up and began to get dressed. Jackson could see the look in Mark's eyes. He could tell that Mark was suddenly feeling something different than desire. Guilt maybe?
"You sure? I don't want to feel as if I took advantage of you. I am your teacher for God's sake. Oh God I'm like that teacher who sexed up her student." Now Mark was freaking out. He was doing his best to pace around the small room, but there wasn't really a whole lot of room for that.
"Mark I gave you the advantage. I wanted this just as much as you did. Besides that teacher had sex with her thirteen year old student. You cannot compare yourself to her." Jackson was worried that Mark was having second thoughts about whatever this was between them.
"Ok." Mark murmured. He didn't want to admit it but Jackson's reassurance had helped him.
Jackson stepped out of the on call room first. Primarily because he didn't have any indication that he had been using that room for anything other than sleeping. Mark stepped out of the room about two minutes later and prayed that no one noticed his slightly rumpled hair that he had tried to fix before he left the on call room.
Without even being noticed, they stepped out of the hospital together and made a left. They were parked near each other by a stroke of luck today. They would drive to Mark's place in spate cars so as not to arouse suspicion. They didn't need the hospital's gossip mill running wild about the two of them leaving together. Neither of them knew what was going on between them, but they did know that they wanted to find out.