Anyone played Red Dead Redemption? Now that is a fun fucking game. I just started and at the end of the gaming session, I was suffering from a bad case of the claws. The graphics and the environments are just astounding, I spent at least 20 minutes just riding around the North on that amazing, fast as fuck horse.

Right, where are we in the story... Oh yea, Bella fucked up, royally.

I suddenly wonder, does anyone read these bits or just block it out and go straight to the beginning of the chappie?


"Fuck fuck fuckity fuck, oh shit." I jumped out of bed like it was on fire and ran to the bathroom, throwing up everything I'd eaten and drank in the last 24 hours. I can't tell you if that was because of the booze last night or what I'm 100% sure happened in that bed. I'm gonna say 70/30 with the booze losing. I wiped my mouth and pulled on my clothes as quickly as I could, putting my jeans on backwards first time 'round. I'm pretty sure I was having a panic attack. Of all the women in New York I had to fuck her? Why would I? I don't like her, fucking hate her actually, and don't even find her attractive. I ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me, and got out of there faster than Speedy Gonzales on fucking speed. I leaned against the apartment buildings wall and exhaled harshly, reaching into my jacket pocket and pulled out my last few cigarettes. Okay okay, calm down and think logically about this. I tried to remember what the fuck happened last night, but I came up blank. I know I didn't drink that much.

I inhaled as far as I could and then threw the stubby cigarette away, turning around to go back to the apartment. Only one person knew what happened and I needed to find out. I pounded on the door, probably waking up most of the people on the floor, and waited. Five minutes later and the door still wasn't open. I rolled my eyes in frustration and knocked again. Fucking finally the door opened and Russian stood.

"Bella, did you forget something?" She was smiling like everything was normal and perfectly fine.

"You're going to tell me what happened last night and you're going to do it now." I pushed my way through and stood in the middle of the living room... /kitchen/bedroom.

"Oh nothing. We have fun and got to know the other very well. The couch, the bed, the kitchen..." She trailed off.

"You dirty son of a bitch," I snapped, glaring and walked closer to her. "What the hell did you do? I could be as drunk as Charlie Sheen on a Friday night and I still wouldn't touch you. What. Did. You. Do. To. Me?" I gritted.

"You seemed tense, I give you something to relax you." She smirked, waving me off like it was no big deal. My eyes widened.

"You drugged me? You fucking drugged me?!" Nothing shocks you faster than that. Actually I think finding out you're pregnant tops, just.

"You did not seem to mind." She walked into her small kitchen.

"How could you?" I was so fucking pissed off, in the animation world steam would be coming out of my ears. "How could you cheat on Alice? She doesn't deserve that. She gave you her trust and you fucking betrayed her." I don't know if I was talking to her or me at this point. "You know, I first thought you were just a Russian whore but you're actually a manipulative, deceiving, bitch of a Russian whore. I'm telling her." I turned around and headed for the door.

"She will not believe you. You are a girl she doesn't want to remember, you must hurt her before and I'm the loving girlfriend. Who will she believe between us?" She was right. Fuck it all, she was right. I swallowed.

"She'll believe me, she has to." I slammed the door shut and went to Alice's apartment. I pressed the buzzer two dozen times in the span of three seconds. "Alice open up, it's me." A couple of minutes later the buzzer went off. I went up on the elevator since I wasn't going to drag my ass up ten flights of stairs. Ding. I stepped out of the elevator and walked to my- her door.

"What do you want, Bella?" Alice had the door open enough for her to stand in the threshold.

"I need to talk to you." She frowned and looked like she was debating whether or not to let me in before she stepped away from the door. I nodded in thanks and walked into the familiar apartment, sitting down on the familiar couch.

"What do you want to talk to me about, and this early?" She pulled her robe tighter around herself. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"I did something I regret deeply and I am so sorry."

"What happened?" I stood up and took a step forward.

"Please believe me when I explain. Please." I begged.

"Bella, what happened? You're starting to freak me out."

"Tanya and I had sex." I said bluntly. Her face seem to have frozen.

"You slept with Tanya?" Oh god, the emotionless voice told me this wasn't going to end well. No shit Sherlock, you slept with her girlfriend!

"I didn't start it, I promise you." I saw her take a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her eyes flashed open and anger was in them as clear as the sky. She picked up a glass and threw it at me. I felt the wind rush passed me when I ducked out of the way. Just.

"You bitch!" Alice was on me so quickly, taking us both to the ground and started to hit me, splitting my lip and popping my cheek stitches. I grabbed her wrists and pushed her off me, which was surprisingly difficult. I shuffled as far away as I could from her and touched my bleeding cheek, hissing.

"I can't believe you Bella. Why Tanya?" Her voice cracked slightly.

"Please Alice, you have to believe me when I say I didn't encourage it. Tanya drugged my drink last night."

I heard her laugh. "She drugged you? I've heard excuses but that one takes the crown."

I stood up and walked closer to her, albeit cautiously. If I'm within jumping distance, I'm sure she'll rip out my eyes. "It's true, she told me so herself. I was at the bar on my own and she walked in all friendly and hey how are you, and the next thing I know I wake up in her bed with no memory of what happened. All I drank was four beers and you know that isn't enough for me to forget an entire night. I could be as drunk as hell and still wouldn't sleep with her, and the reason for that is because she's your girlfriend. Yes, I can't keep my metaphorical dick in my pants but I would never sleep with someone who was in a relationship, and you know that. If I did, we would've fucked all through high school and not just when we were available for each other. I am so sorry and regret what happened but it isn't my fault." I took a step closer. "I'll make it up to you, whatever you want and I'll do it."

"You're saying Tanya drugged you?" I nodded, silently hoping she would believe me. "I want you to go. I can't talk to you right now, I need to think." She stood up and walked into the bedroom. "Shut the door behind you when you leave." I nodded and waited until she shut the door before I searched for the key to her apartment and left to go to Starbucks. I bought her favourite – a Caffé mocha and a blueberry muffin – as a peace offering then walked back to her apartment, quietly opening the door, walking on the balls of my feet since I remembered some floorboards squeaked and put the small bag and coffee cup on the counter and tore off a piece of paper, quickly writing a note in my messy scrawl.

I know this won't make up for everything but hopefully it's a small start.

I put a kiss on the end before I second thought it and crossed it out. I left the key where I found it and slowly crept out the room. It was kinda like a really crappy version of Mission Impossible. Or maybe not, I never watched that film. I went back to Starbucks to get another coffee for Jasper, another peace offering, and headed to wedding planner headquarters. I used their spare key to get in and dropped on the couch, seemingly unnoticed. I saw Rose's back and a hint of bare legs walking around in the kitchen, probably making breakfast for the sleeping bear man. I sighed and dropped Jasper's coffee on the table and picked up one of the wedding magazines. They all looked the same except some had shoulder straps and some didn't.

"Bella there you are, how long have you been back?" Rose came down the steps, spatula in hand.

"I don't know, five minutes?" I shrugged. "So, what you making, Martha Stewart?" I dropped the mag next to me and sunk deeper into the couch.

"Bacon and cheese omelet, do you want me to- what happened to your cheek?" She disappeared in the kitchen but quickly came back out with a roll of paper towel. She gently pressed it against my bleeding cheek. "What happened?"

"Nothing, nothing. It probably just split in the middle of the night." I took the paper off her hands.

"Okay, if you say so. Do you want an omelet?" She walked back into the kitchen.

"No, I'm not hungry. Is Jasper up yet?"

"I just finished my shower. Lovely for you to make an appearance." Jasper came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. "What happened to your cheek and lip?" I touched the split with my tongue and wiped the blood off. People say you can taste the iron or copper but I don't know what the hell they're talking about.

"Nothing of great importance. I brought you a coffee," I slid the cup across the table and leaned back.

"Ooh, my favourite- what did you do?" He eyed the cup like I poisoned it.

"Nothing. Why do you think I did something wrong instead of doing it out of the kindness of my heart?" I asked, innocently.

"Caramel macchiato with whip cream and chocolate shavin's; the forgive me drink." He sniffed it and then took a sip.

"I slept with Tanya." I blurted out. Jasper choked slightly and I heard Rose drop her spatula.

"No, no Bella, please no. Please tell me this is one of your sick jokes no one gets."

"I'm sorry to say it but it's true. You have to believe me, I did not start it, I did not encourage it, why would I want to sleep with her? I hate that bitch."

"Bella this is bad, this is really bad. This is worst than the time you hit Lucy with your car."

"That was an accident. It was my first time behind the wheel."

"You almost killed her."

"I was barely going 10mph." I defended.

"Don't change the subject."

"You started it."

"Stop!" Jasper glared. "I can't believe you slept with Tanya, how could you do that to Alice? You need to tell Alice this, if you try and hide this and she finds out from someone else she'll be destroyed, even more so."

"I told her."

"Oh," He exclaimed. "That explains the lip. How you are still breathin' I will never know. She obviously has more self control than she's credited for." Rose joined the room and was glaring at me. Momma bear's coming out to play.

Like a striking snake, she slapped me on my bleeding cheek and forced me to support myself on the table to stop from falling onto it. "Bella, you have done some despicable things in your lifetime but cheating? You told us more than once that cheating was below you."

"Easy, Rosalie," Jasper straightened me up and supported me til I got my footing.

I blinked a couple times. "It wasn't my fault. I am telling or at least trying, that it isn't my fault. I was at the bar having a drink-"

"You went to a bar instead of talkin' to Alice?" Jasper sounded disappointed.

"It's not like I went straight to it. I stood outside of that fucking building for at least ten minutes. I was scared, not of her reaction to what I'd say," I touched my attacked cheek, and wiped some of the smeared blood around the cut. "But to how she'll react emotionally. If I lost her, it wouldn't be losing just a possible girlfriend and someone I'd happily spend the rest of my life with, as fucked as that sounds coming from me, but also a friend. Next to you Jasper, she's my closest friend."

"Did any of that cross your mind when you were in bed with her girlfriend?" Rose sneered. I took a step back further into Jasper.

"It was not my fault, for fuck sake. The Russian bitch drugged my drink. I know it sounds like a crappy storyline to some crappy soap opera, but it's true. Why would I sleep with her? I hate her, I'd very happily deport her and dance when the ships leaves."

"You're telling us you got roofied, are you kidding me?"

"I don't know if it was roofies but I woke up today with absolutely no memory, and before you say anything," I cut Jasper off before he could argue. "All I drank was three, maybe four beers and you know that's not enough for my memory to be wiped clean."

"You do hold a strong argument, and I can't see why you'd lie about this-"

"I know why she would," Rose stepped in. "She's lied about things very similar to this, why would she change now?"

"Because it's Alice." I took a step forward and glared at her. "You think I wanted to cheat on Alice? I don't cheat, and Jasper can back me up on this, ever since those crappy first relationships I've sworn off cheating, right Jasper?"

"She's tellin' the true, Rose." He shrugged.

"She's obviously broken that oath."

"I was barely conscious-"

"Excuses." She cut me off.

"What do you want me to say? I can't do anything to prove I'm in the wrong. You know what's pissing me off? That you're taking some Russian you haven't talked to more than twice and known for less than a month over me, someone you've known since high school and has been friends for most of that time. I'm going to take a shower." I pushed Jasper out the way.

"You stop right there, Bella." Rose walked around the couch and stood in front of me. "This is not about choosing sides, this is about morals. Tanya is most in the wrong because she's Alice's girlfriend but that doesn't mean you're entirely faultless. Alice is seeing Tanya but Alice's in love with you so it's still your fault."

"How... how does that logic work?"

"She expects more from you and expects you not to sleep with her girlfriend!" She stressed, looking like she was going to hit me again. I sighed and walked around her. "This will not disappear under the rug just because you ignore it, Bella."

"I know that, Rose, but I'm going to make amends. Somehow." I shut the bathroom door behind me.


My confession seemed to have hung over all our heads throughout the morning and half of the afternoon. I quickly went to A&E to get new stitches put in, mumbling an excuse to the doc of how they split open. Alice dropped by around four for wedding planning, Tanya in tow and I burned holes in the side of her head as soon as she stepped in the room. She turned her head in my direction and winked at me, smirking. I clenched my hands in anger and stood up abruptly.

"I'm going out for some air, before I kill that bitch." I said the end to myself and stormed out the room, grabbing a bottle of Corona as I passed. I sat on my smoking step, drinking my way through the bottle fairly quick before I jumped up and paced the hallway, trying to get my anger out, clenching my hands repetitively.

"What's wrong, sweet? No one believe you?" Tanya pouted mockingly. I glared at her and took a step towards her.

"Leave me and Alice alone." I growled.

"Why would I do that? She ask me if I drug your drink and she believes me when I say no. You can't win." She grinned at me. She turned around. "Kate is right, you're very persuadable." That made me freeze. Kate?...

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing to worry about." She waved her fingers and closed the door behind her. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. Calm down, it's not the same Kate, it can't be. I dropped down on my smoking step and rested my forehead on my palms.

"Bella, are you-"

"Jasper," I held up my hand. "I might of just lost the one person I could truly completely hundred percent love. Please don't start." I pulled out my packet then dropped it on the ground when I found it was empty.

"As a matter of fact, I was comin' to see if you were okay." He sat down next to me on the step. I sighed and pushed my palms against my eyes.

"I'm jumping the moon with joy, can't you tell?" I went to grab my drink that I left on the step but Jasper beat me to it, and held it out of my reach. "Give me my drink, homo."

"No. Alcohol isn't the answer to everythin'."

"It's better than what I used to do." I muttered under my breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," I sighed. "I think I'm gonna give up on the whole love bullshit. I tried a few times, and you know this, each time it fucked up. Riley, he cheated on me. Edward was a manipulative dick. My first girlfriend Kate," I hesitated slightly. "Uhh, she cheated on me," Among other things, I added in my head. "And then there was Alice."

"Bella, don't give up on love, it's not all bad." He set my bottle back on the step on his side.

"Love makes people do terrible things. It's full of doubt, hurt feelings and at the end of it all, only thirty? Percent of the time are the feelings returned. You're one of the lucky fuckers that are in the thirty group." I reached over and grabbed my beer and drank the rest of it.

"Firstly, that's depressin'. Second, fix everythin' with Alice, tell her everythin'; your dreams, your wishes, your deepest darkest secrets. Everythin'."

"If you send her out, I'll talk to her."

"Send her out," He snorted. "As if you're the Sultan of Brunei. I'll take that," He plucked the bottle from my hands. "We'll have to talk about this one day," He waved the empty bottle for emphasize.

"I know and we will... one day."

I waited and five minutes later I was still out here alone. Jasper obviously had to convince Alice to come out here. Another couple of minutes later the door open and Alice appeared.

"Jasper said the Sultan of Brunei wanted to speak with me. I didn't know you moved up in the world so quickly." Alice kept her distance. I chuckled.

"Neither did I." I ran a hand through my hand. "Is it true that you believe what Tanya said earlier?"

"How do you know about that?"

"She came out here when I tried to get away from her, taunting that she won, that everyone believes what she says over me... Is it true?" I stared at my shoes, noticing a spiral patten drawn on the tip of the left shoe.

"Who am I suppose to believe?"

"Me. We've known each other since high school, how long have you known Russian? Two weeks, three? What makes you think she isn't a two timing lying, manipulative, bitch?" Which she fucking is.

"I might've known you the longest but I think you've lied to me enough in these past months to fill up the entire time we've known each other."

"I'm sorry. I could live to be hundred and that's a big if, cause I can't see myself going passed seventy, and never be able to express how sorry I am for everything I've done to you."

"Thank you for the coffee and muffin. It's doesn't even begin to make amends but thanks."

"You have to hit rock bottom before you can crawl back to the top and I must be at least seven layers below it." I smiled lightly. "Remember the time you used a permanent pen to draw a smiley face on my toe?"

"Yea," She chuckled and sat down next to me. "I did it on your fifteenth birthday while you were asleep. I gave it a top hat didn't I? How is it still there?"

"The clue is in the name permanent ink. It's faded slightly but you can see it clearly."

"I thought after a dozen baths it'd disappear." She clasped her fingers together and put them on her knees. "When did you draw that?" She nodded towards the spiral. I shrugged.

"I can't remember... I probably thought it was a good idea at the time. Want to doodle something on the other one?" I turned to face her, folding my left leg under me and stretched out my right one.

"I don't have a pen."

I searched my pockets and found a Home Depot pen. I rolled it across the floor to her. "You'd be amazed at what you can find in my pockets."

"You're telling me. I found a ticket to a 2009 Muse concert in one of them. Give me your foot." She grabbed my ankle and pulled my foot on her lap. "Don't move your foot." I nodded, leaning my back against the wall.

"What's your favourite flower?" I asked. Alice stopped her doodling and looked at me.

"You know that already."

"I know, but humour me." I fluttered my eyelashes. She rolled her eyes and went back to drawing.

"Lily, as you well know. Yours?"

"Mmm... Wolf's bane."

"You don't know what it looks like, you only like it because of the name."

"True." I smiled. "Favourite colour?"

"What's the point of this?" She sighed.

"Humour me." I reminded her. "Favourite colour."

"Red. Yours?"

"Green. If you could be any animal, which one would it be?"

"A... grizzly bear."

"Why a grizzly? I thought you'd pick something like a deer or... a golden eagle."

"The bear is strong and beautiful to look at and known for its caring nature but if you come between the female and her cubs, she'll claw you in half." I chuckled.

"If you're following that logic, you're a bear wearing a human costume. You're strong, both mentally and in freakishly upper body, so beautiful... extremely caring to the people you love and would defend them against anyone whose attacking. As far as I can tell, you're one big ass protective grizzly." I smiled at her.

"If we're following your way of thinking, you must be a giant jackass." She smiled sweetly at me. I laughed.

"How true. Next question... If I had never slept with Leah would we be together now?" I swallowed and waited for her reaction. She stopped her drawing and removed my foot from her lap, putting the pen on the floor next to me.

"I'm finished and that we don't have anything else to talk about, I'm going back inside." She stood up, dusting herself off.

"Alice," I begged. "Please, can't we talk about this, finally?"

"It doesn't matter. What ifs, could've, would've, there's no point in thinking about it because it hasn't happened, and obviously for a reason."

"Fate? You're believing in fate? If fate is real and our paths are already set out in front of us before we even make the decision, then why do we decide things that obviously endanger us or others around us, hurt people, cause worldwide tragedy?"

"You completely missed the point, Bella. We didn't happen because you chose not to. We've finished talking." She shut the door behind her. I sighed and dropped my head on the wall. I think that was a step in the right direction for us... right?


*shrug* I lull in this part of the story but hopefully the next chapter picks up and you guys'll think it's good. Next chapter is the lead up to the wedding, and the stag do.

Review and suggest some games I might like.