A/N: Oh, hi, it's Missus "Never updates anything" here, with a random (and I do mean RANDOM) fanfic about something I've only written about once… a long time ago… that was deleted.
This goes out to anyone who's ever been killed after picking on virtual farm fowl.
I don't own Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time… or Skyward Sword, Majora's mask, Windwaker, etc etc etc…
"I'll be done in a minute, Link! I just have to feed the horses."
"Aw, Malon, you said that an hour ago."
"When you hang around on the farm you have to keep the farmer's hours, 'fairy boy'." With a wink Malon duked into the stables and Link slid into a seated position in the grass, a groan escaping his lips. You'd think that the life of the Hero of Time would be all work or all excitement, but after the villain were vanquished and the magic rocks rescued there was very little for him to do. Because of this, he had spent more than a few hours hanging around the Lon Lon Ranch.
"Malon," he called.
Malon peeked out the door. "Yes?"
The look he gave her was pained. "I'm bored…"
Malon rolled her eyes, muttering something about his immaturity. "You're a big boy, Link. Entertain yourself. I'll be right out and we can have some milk, ok?"
She disappeared again. Link resumed his grumbling. Entertain himself? That was easy for her to say. Her lot in life was to work a ranch. There were always chores to do. He on the other hand had returned Hyrule to a state of perpetual peaceful bliss. The master sword was literally accumulating rust! He needed action… he needed something to fight…
He slipped the sword out of its sheath and took to practicing. Swing, thrust, parry… What to do, what to do…. Parry, swing, thrust…
The cuccos hopped around in the grass in front of him, pecking at the dirt. He stopped his swordplay and watched them. An odd light went into his eyes. He was running a thought through his head like a piece of candy he was trying to tell whether he liked or didn't.
She did say to entertain himself…
He slowly toward the happily grazing cuccos, his sword poised behind him. One of the cuccos looked up at him quizzically. He smirked at it. "Prepare yourself, o wretched beast. Your days of tormenting Hyrule have come to an end," Link growled. The sky seemed to grow dark; the sword began to glow a harsh green. The rest of the cuccos looked up, clucking loudly. With a loud cry he spun, the sword creating a wide shining arc before him. The cuckoos scattered before him. One cried out in pain.
The cucco stopped and seemed to stare at him in open outrage. Before Link could begin to wonder why, it let out a loud crow. It seemed to echo over all the fields. Link glanced around, wondering faintly if it thought it was morning for some reason. It let out another crow. Link narrowed his eyes at it. It was getting to irritating now.
Then it got dark again.
It looked as though a large cloud had blocked out the sun. Link thought wildly for a moment that Gannondorf was sending some large beast out to destroy him but as the rumbling clucks and crows grew louder it soon became apparent that this was not Gannondorf's doing. This was another force of evil far greater than anything Gannon could cook up.
A hundred thousand cuccos were raining from the sky.
At first Link tried to deflect him with the hylian shield, but the moment he blocked one, another would be at his back, another at his head. It took moments for the Hyrule's bravest hero to be sent running around the corral, his head covered with his arms, calling for mercy. The cuccos had none to offer. Finally Link's gaze caught on something to his right. The out of the way shed where Malon kept her secret cow. Sanctuary! With one last burst of adreninline he sprinted to it, threw open the door and slammed it shut behind him, panting heavily.
The world outside grew quiet and peaceful again. Link gave a broken laugh of relief. Silly cuccos… once he stepped out they would carry on as if he never did anything. He ought to go attack them again, just because they wouldn't remember. With one last laugh he opened the door and stepped out into the gentle light of the summer sun and stopped cold in his tracks.
It was as if the ground had been re-sodded with cuccos, their beady eyes fixed on him in cold anger. The one he'd attacked originally stood at the head, a metal army helmet poised on his feathered head. It crowed.
Link had one moment to wish he'd never laid eye on a cucco before he was buried in them.
Malon filled the last feeding troth and clapped her hands together satisfactorily. Nothing like a job well done. Now she could see to her poor bored Hero of Time. She rolled her eyes, smiling at the thought of his pleading for entertainment. "Hope he hasn't died of boredom out there," she thought to herself, chuckling.
Link wasn't sitting against the wall where she'd left him, which he found odd since typrically he languished in the same spot when he was truly bored. Before she could ponder further she heard what sounded like a distressed clucking coming from the direction of the shed. That could only mean one thing. With a groan she lifted her skirts and ran toward the sound of the cuccos, a strong feeling in her heart of how she would find link.
There was a small mountain of pecking scratching cuccos on the ground, almost completely concealing the curled up body underneath. She ran to the flock, calling, "shoo! Shoo!" until they inexplicably flew away.
Link's face was pail and streaked with sweat. His terrified, clear blue eyes were fixed heavenward. Malon rushed to his side. "Link? Link, are you awake?"
Wordlessly Link moved his head in a motion something like a nod.
She gave him a severe look. "You were bullying the cuccos again, weren't you?"
His feeble voice flitted wavering from his lips, "…I was bored."
With a heavy sigh, Malon helped him to his feet. "This is the last time I leave you alone on my ranch, fairy boy. Now let's get you cleaned up."
As Malon helped Link to the main house, they passed a couple cuccos pecking pleasantly at the dirt. Link glanced at them, then gave a visible shudder before entering the house. When they were out of sight the cuccos raised their heads and grinned at each other. They sure loved it when the blonde human came over. How boring would life be if he didn't?
And the moral of the story is don't attack the weak and defenseless. Even if one of you has a sword. Nobody wins.
Thanks for reading!