Standard Disclaimers Apply

Holding Her


Tsukasa buried his head at the slope between Tsukushi's neck and shoulder, his head nibbling at her collarbone. His left hand pressed gently against her right breast. The silky material of her blouse was cool to the touch, but what he longed for was the heat of skin on skin. Moving ever so slightly, he positioned one knee between Tsukushi's legs, slowly nudging them open.

Her hands alternated between clutching his hair and drawing circles on his back. Her touch was fire to his skin. She whispered his name, and Tsukasa was brought frighteningly close to the edge.

His knee was more insistent now, and the moment the pressure had succeeded in parting her legs, Tsukasa shifted on the futon so that he completely covered her. His fingers busied themselves with the buttons of her blouse as his tongue drew a hungry trail from her throat down to the valley between her breasts.

But her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him away. "Wait, Doumyouji," she murmured.

Tsukasa didn't listen. Her brother was on an overnight school trip and he wanted to make the most out of their night alone. She had cooked him katsudon, and although he had teased her cooking skills, he didn't stop until he had completely devoured the meal she prepared. Then they had lain on her futon, just talking – until now. Tsukasa just couldn't help it; there was no way he was going to stop. He managed to get her blouse open, exposing her to the cool evening air. The sight of her luminous skin was a heady thrill to his senses, intoxicating him. He could drown in her if she let him.


Her voice was firmer now, but still hoarse with desire. He raised his head, looking straight into her chocolate brown eyes. Tsukasa knew that she wanted him, too. So why was she making him stop now? He dove for her mouth.

Her only protest was a soft groan, and the gentle force of her hands pushing his chest away. Her tongue still battled his more aggressive one with uncharacteristic surrender, at least as far as physical intimacy was concerned. Tsukasa smiled to himself. She was going to give in any minute now. He gently broke off from the kiss and raised his head in triumph.

But Tsukushi was trembling in his arms. "I'm just not ready yet."

"Makino," Tsukasa half-growled. His left hand abandoned her breast to twirl a lock of her brown hair around his fingers. "It's okay," he assured her. He didn't know how long he could keep up all this talk. He was aching so much.

She wriggled free of Tsukasa's grasp and sat up on her small futon. "Gomen, Doumyouji," she said softly, her cheeks flushed.

God, she was so beautiful he was about to explode. How can she do this to him? "Makino, please," he insisted. A Doumyouji never begged. But when he was thisclose to heaven, could anyone blame him, really?

"I'm just not ready yet," she repeated. "We've been through this so many times before." Her tone lost its pleading quality and turned almost accusing. "After all, you said you'd wait."

Damn that woman! "For how long, Makino? I'm not a saint."

"I know," she said wryly.

She was already buttoning her shirt when he grabbed her hand. "You can't just leave me like this."

Her wide eyes were innocent. "Who said anything about leaving? You can stay here and sleep beside me, if you want."

"You know what I mean," Tsukasa muttered angrily. "You kissed me too. You want it the way that I do."

"And pray, tell me, what is that?" she asked, swatting his hand away and continuing to close her blouse.

"This," Tsukasa replied, cupping her chin as he crushed his lips to hers. She hesitated for a brief second, but finally parted her lips slightly to receive his kiss. Tsukasa leaned forward and pressed her against the wall, his arms pinning her with their strength, his legs straddling hers in possession.

But Tsukushi was no pushover. She tore her mouth from his. "Can't you just stop thinking about that for once and listen to what I have to say?"

"How can I when every part of me just wants to love you?"

"You know how I feel —"

"Then why can't we just do it?" he cried out in frustration.

Her eyes flared. "Because that's just your body talking!" she told him in an equally loud voice. "For once, Doumyouji, can't you just think something through before rushing headlong into it? Things are not just that simple, you know."

Tsukasa released her and rolled away. "I have thought about it. And I want you. Don't make me beg again, Makino."

"Then don't," she retorted.

Something in him snapped. "Fine," he said, getting up from the futon. He grabbed his shirt off the floor and put it on in one smooth motion.

"And where do you think are you going at this time of the night?" Tsukushi's voice was harsh, but beneath it, Tsukasa could hear the faintest hint of worry. She was breathing heavily. Her chest rose and fell with each pant, the blouse's top button still open to reveal her clear flesh. Her eyes were a brown fire that seared through him and branded him as hers. For the life of him, he didn't know how much longer he could stay in the same room with her and not be able to have her.

"Somewhere where I can get what I want," he shot back as he strode towards the door. He heard her soft intake of breath but he steeled his resolve. Walking out, Tsukasa shut the apartment door with an ominous finality.


He swore that woman was going to be the death of him. She brought him so close to shattering every time he held her in his arms. He could never understand how she could deny him this when everything between them just felt so good, so right.

Tsukasa checked his watch. It was just half past eleven, and the clubs were still likely to be filled with frenzied action. He decided on The Island, a new bar that Akira and Soujirou had been bragging about. For the hundredth time, Tsukasa wondered how his friends did it. He bet that they never had any problems with getting girls – and keeping them – in bed.

But then again, he reasoned out, they never had a girl like Makino Tsukushi.

The nightspot's entrance was crowded with people, and Tsukasa strode purposively through. But before he could even reach the main door, someone had already latched on to his arm.

"Hi, handsome," a tall, voluptuous girl purred, stroking his arm suggestively. "You looking for some company tonight?"

He studied the girl carefully. She had long heavy locks and even heavier makeup. The white blouse she wore strained across her breasts to display a generous amount of cleavage. Her smile was a red slash across her lips, an invitation, a temptation. She was so different from Makino.


He let her lead him inside, to where the strobe lights and pounding music mixed in an assault to the senses. The girl pushed him towards the bar, where she immediately ordered two beers. When the drinks came, Tsukasa quickly downed his, but the girl was more interested in other things. She had slipped off one shoe and was already sliding her foot up and down Tsukasa's leg. Her arms were draped over his shoulders, and her breath was warm on his nape. She was so different from Makino.


The name pounded into Tsukasa's brain. He stared at the drink in his hand, wondering why he even bothered coming here in the first place. Tsukasa shrugged her away. There was only one thing on his mind now.


"Come on, handsome," the girl cooed after him. "Why don't you give it a try?"

But he was already walking away. "Not interested."


The light was still on in Tsukushi's room when Tsukasa returned to his rented apartment. Did she wait up for him all this time? The thought warmed his heart and wrapped him in a comforting embrace. He loved her so much. And although she rarely admitted it, he knew she loved him too.

His hand jiggled the doorknob. He frowned slightly when he discovered that she had left the door open, cursing her for being so reckless. She was so afraid of that thief on her first night there and now she was in the habit of leaving her door unlocked?

He barged inside, determined to give her a piece of his mind when he caught sight of her slumped against the wall. She was hugging her knees to her chest, her head buried in her arms. When she looked up, Tsukasa caught sight of her tear-streaked face. For a brief moment, he saw the hurt flickering in her eyes and the thought startled him. Had he made her cry again?

Just as he opened his mouth to apologize, she leapt to her feet. "You stupid idiot!" she snarled. Her eyes were ablaze with anger now. She crossed the room in two quick steps to pummel her fists against his chest. "You even smell of perfume, you arrogant bastard. How many women did it take, huh? You have some nerve, thinking you can just waltz back in here after you — after you —"

Tsukasa caught her wrists with his large hands. "Makino, what are you talking about?" As her tirade continued, he realized something. An amused grin crept across his lips. "Are you jealous?"

She struggled under his grasp. "Me, jealous? Why would I be jealous? You're a stubborn, pig-headed, insensitive jer —"

He kissed her.

She pushed him away. "How dare you kiss me after you've gone off and —"

Tsukasa gave her shoulders a little shake. "Makino. You honestly think I'd do something like that?"

All fire seemed to leave her. Tsukushi hung her head and turned away slightly, refusing to meet his eyes. "I don't know," she replied honestly. "You're a guy after all."

He tightened his grip on her and pulled her close. "Do you really have so little faith in me?"

"Serves me right," she muttered into his chest, her words tickling him.

"You really are a fool, you know that? I couldn't do that. Not to you. Besides, weren't you listening when I said that you were the only one for me?" he demanded. He tilted her face towards his.

Tsukushi was blushing, but her eyes were still averted. "You said you were going to get what you wanted. What else was I going to think?"

He released her and dug into his pockets to retrieve a small pink toy. It was rectangular, with a large black screen above different characters and buttons. He tossed it to her. "I found that a twenty-four convenience store. Thought you might like it. It works as an alarm to help you keep track of the things you have to do." He walked over to where she stood and took the toy between his hands to show her how it worked. "It has a built-in clock and alarm system. See? I've already programmed it. At eight in the morning…"

He pressed a button and the toy beeped softly. He held it towards Tsukushi so she could read the words on the lit screen.

"Kiss Doumyouji hello," she read out loud. She scowled at him.

He ignored her expression and pressed another button. "Then at noon…"

"Have lunch with Doumyouji."

"Then at five…"

"Kiss Doumyouji goodbye." Tsukushi groaned. "This is idiotic. My life does not revolve around you, you know."

But Tsukasa was still busy with the toy. "Then at nine…"

Tsukushi sighed and read on. "Kiss Doumyouji good night. Boy, that's a whole lot of kisses."

"And at ten…"

"Remind Doumyouji that he promised to wait."

Tsukushi pried the toy from his fingers and stared at the last message, rereading it silently. It seemed like an eternity that she stood there with that toy in her hands. When she finally looked up at him, her eyes were shining with unshed tears. "You are something else, Doumyouji Tsukasa," she whispered.

"Yeah, well," he puffed, trying to downplay his own emotions. In a relationship where they constantly bickered to show their affection, this was indeed one of the rarer moments.

Tsukushi stood on tiptoe and touched her lips lightly to his. Her arms circled around him as he deepened their kiss. Instinct kicking in, Tsukasa tightened his embrace, eager to mold her body with his.

A soft beep sounded behind him. He broke off to see Tsukushi dangling the toy from one hand.

Tsukasa groaned. "You stupid girl. That's not how you use it." He tried to snatch it away, already regretting that he bought it in the first place.

She held it behind her, away from his grasp. He lunged towards her, knocking her back down on the futon. They collapsed in a heap of tangled limbs.

His face found itself so near hers. Tsukasa cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for leaving you tonight. But I love you, Makino. I just want to be able to show you how much. You just try my patience sometimes."

She snuggled closer to him. "I know," she said softly. "But sometimes, Doumyouji, sometimes I just want to be held."

Tsukasa's arms encircled her slowly as he kissed the top of her head tenderly. There were still so many things that needed to be said. But holding her was good. And right now, holding her was enough.