jottings — set at the beginning of the episode, suspicion.


Madeline Connor,
18th June 1999 - 1st August 2002

A year, she thinks as she bends down at the grave and leaves behind a bunch of purple tulips, "Morning Maddi. I'm moving house today. I've been offered a new job, mummy's gone back fighting the bad guys. Don't worry, I've got your things. I wouldn't leave those behind."

She bits her lower lip to stop herself from crying, "You've got a big bedroom to keep all your dollies and teddies. Mummy insisted you got the bigger room. You always did have more clothes than me, right Maddi?" At that moment, she takes out a small teddy bear with the name Madeline written on it's stomach and props it up against the grave,

"You always did want one of these teddy's didn't you? Well, I promised I'd get you one didn't I? I just want to say that I'm sorry Maddi, I'm sorry mummy wasn't there to protect you against those bad people. I love you darling, forever and ever. I hope you're having fun up there, be good for Auntie Bethany."

She kisses her fingers and places them on the grave before she stands up.

/

She turns the key in the door and pushes it open, "Maddi? Alex?" Maddi, her three year old daughter usually greeted Roisin the minute she arrived home. Alex, the nanny was usually in the kitchen but tonight, there was just silence.

"Maddi? Alex?" She called again as she closed the door behind her and dropped her keys on the table. Taking off her coat, she frowned thinking it was a bit strange. She walked around the house, trying to find a note or anything to say they'd gone out to the park for a few hours.

Discovering nothing downstairs, Roisin decided to go upstairs. She reached the top of the stairs and walked towards her daughter's bedroom. There was a plaque outside the room, on the door which read Madeline in clear pink letters. She pushed open the door slightly, expecting her daughter to be sat on the bed, playing with her dolls.

The first thing she noticed was the tiny drops of blood on the floor. Following the trail to the other end of the bedroom, she discovered her daughter in the corner of the room, face down on the carpet, lying in her own blood.

Roisin knew death when she saw it and she knew her little girl was dead. She dropped to her knees, pulled her daughter close and began to rock her backwards and forwards, whispering at her to wake up and stop playing a game.

But it wasn't.

Her little girl was dead and it was all her fault. She doesn't remember what happened next. She just remembers her daughter been taken from her grip and told that Alex, the nanny had died too. It turned out they were murdered for nothing, a robbery gone wrong they said. They arrested the man and he was given fifteen years.

Fifteen years, Roisin thought. She's the one with a life sentence, her daughter would never be coming home. Two young girls dead before their time.

/

She sees her daughter everywhere she goes. Her brown hair is scrapped back into a plait and she's wearing her favourite dungarees with her wellington boots. The one thing she always wanted to dress in day in and out. Roisin hated it but now she was gone, she missed dressing her daughter up in different clothes.

She sees her when she's walking down the street or when she's in the car. She seems so real, so alive. All she wants is to be able to hug her one final time and kiss her cheek and tell her how much she loves her. She's gone in a second, when she blinks but left behind is the empty feeling inside her heart.

The feeling that could never be replaced and would always grow with time.


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