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Warning: Some swearing!
Previously on Discovering Fanfiction:
Tony as usual doesn't give up, he addresses the team in general, "Well, in that case, we need to find a new name for Loki so we won't summon him by accident. We can each nominate a name and everyone else can vote for and against. The one getting the most votes will win. If we haven't found a name in the first round, we can go to the second round and so on."
Before anyone can reply to Tony's suggestion, JARVIS suddenly announces, "Sir, there are three women outside the tower claiming to be your ex-lover, your daughter, and your sister. Shall I let them in?"
Tony uncharacteristically shrieks, "Arrgh, Pepper is really on to me this time. She must have their numbers on speed dial. I'm doomed!"
Tony runs out of the room so quickly, the casual observers can be forgiven to think that one of Iron Man's powers is having superspeed.
"Well, that was abrupt," Clint comments.
"But not unexpected. I know Pepper is good for something," Natasha adds with a smirk.
Both assassins then look at Loki. Clint asks, "Why on Earth are you still here? Don't you see that we're done?"
Loki shrugs casually and says, "Oh, I don't know. I'm so intrigued with these fanfictions of yours so I may stay around. Besides, my whole purpose in being here is indeed to annoy you so I can say it has been quite a success so far."
Clint nearly jumps at Loki but Natasha holds him. He huffs, "I like it better when I can just shoot you anytime I wish."
Steve says "Perhaps we should take a break for a few hours and just come back around two pm unless our Avengers' duty calls." Steve actually expects that those duties will really call. He continues, "I hope Tony is OK. I feel bad telling JARVIS to call Pepper."
JARVIS adds, "Don't feel bad, Captain Rogers. I would have called Ms. Potts myself even without your instruction."
"Thanks for consoling me, JARVIS," replies Steve.
"You are welcome, Captain," JARVIS answers politely.
If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that JARVIS empathizes with him. This only shows how good Tony's AI system is. He needs to make sure never to get on JARVIS's bad side.
Steve goes for a long walk to clear his head. He knows a lot of fanfictions depict him destroying sandbags when he is frustrated. That was true for the first three months after he was found. After that Natasha introduced him to yoga. He is much calmer and more accepting of his unique circumstances now. However, he could never compete with Natasha in regards to flexibility.
What worries him is the fact that those fanfics know about him destroying sandbags. How did they know that? Apparently the security breach is more serious that he dares to imagine.
After a quick lunch, he returns to the conference room to find that Natasha and Clint are already there. Both of them concentrate on reading something from Clint's iPad. From the sound that suspiciously like giggles coming from Clint (Steve notes that Natasha never giggles), it must be something really funny. He doesn't want to disturb them so he switches on his StarkPad to catch up reading "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" which is recommended by Bruce. He quite enjoys the series and given his recent adventures, the premise of the books is not that farfetched anymore.
Bruce walks in around half an hour later, carrying a stack of paper to read and sits next to Steve. He says, "Sorry I'm a bit late."
Steve answers, "Don't worry, Doctor, it's not even two pm yet. Besides Tony, Thor and Loki are not here yet."
"Now I'm really worried, I'm not sure what those three are up to without any supervision," Natasha says.
"Well, at least there hasn't been an explosion or wormhole yet so I wouldn't worry too much," Clint replies with a forced shrug.
It seems to calm Natasha a bit but now it's Steve's turn to worry. He then thinks of his yoga practice and tries really hard to stay in the present moment. He begins to suspect people with the mantra "living in the present moment" don't have teammates and Norse gods who can cause havoc and literally the apocalypse at the present moment.
After mentally counting backward from 10,000, it's only down to 3,278 when the Norse gods finally decide to grace them with their presence.
Thor is in high spirits which is not unusual. It's the sight of Loki being cheerful that worries them the most.
Natasha asks, "What have you two done?"
"Nothing to make you worry, dearie. Besides, Thor was with me the whole time," Loki replies and plops himself opposite Steve and gives Steve a wink.
"Don't call me dearie if you value your life," Natasha says with a venom.
"Please calm down, Lady Natasha. I wanted to introduce Loki to the wonder of Digital Versatile Disc so we went to the entertainment room. We then found your collection at the top of the stacks. I really like your taste, Lady Natasha. Even Loki said so. He even copied the manner of speech of one of the characters."
"Oh no, you didn't! First Harry Potter, and now this," Natasha sighs and holds her head with her hands.
Bruce and Steve are really confused. Steve asks, "Could someone please enlighten us with what's going on?"
Clint answers, "Well, apparently these Asgardians have found Natasha's "Once Upon a Time" DVD set and watched some episodes. I think Loki has been imitating Rumpelstiltskin."
Loki answers with a pride, "Of course, dearie. Rumpelstiltskin is the most powerful and manipulative character in the show. He is practically an Asgardian."
Clint narrows his eyes and says, "Don't call me dearie!" while at the same time Natasha mutters something that sounds like "Just wait until Season 2."
Thor defends Loki and replies, "He has been calling everyone, even JARVIS and the robot Tony called 'Dummy,' dearie. I don't think he's going to change anytime soon. Please don't take it personally."
Bruce shakes his head and says, "I can't believe you watch 'Once Upon a Time.'"
Clint replies,"Hey, I'm just accompanying Natasha since she needs to suffer through Supernatural. Besides, it's quite a popular show and I think a lot of guys watch them too."
Thor continues, "Eye of Hawk, Loki and I think it's an excellent show. I think Midgardians have been in denial saying there is no magic. This show and Harry Potter prove otherwise."
Steve sighs and says, "Thor, what did I say about fiction?"
Thor shakes his head and answers, "I know, friend Steve. However, I believe magic can really exist even in Midgard."
Steve can't really argue with that. The world is really a difference place now. How could he prove that magic doesn't really exist?
Clint asks, "Thor, don't you think the guy playing Prince Charming resembles your friend Fandral."
Thor visibly brightens with Clint's comment. He says, "Indeed, Eye of Hawk. Loki and I have been so excited to see our friend Fandral on screen. Of course I now understand that's an actor playing it but the resemblance is uncanny. I need to convince Loki it was an actor and not really Fandral."
Steve could only imagine how that conversation went. He then asks, "Thor, how do you know it's Natasha's DVD and not Pepper or Tony's?"
"It's very easy. The cover of DVD has a sticker saying, 'You're welcome to watch it. However, if you just so much as making a scratch, you've better sleep with your eyes open as I'll hunt you down and turn your intestines inside out.' I believe friend Tony and Lady Pepper wouldn't say something like that," Thor answers cheerily.
To which, a voice from the door replies, "Damn right, I wouldn't. I'd just write something like 'JARVIS watches everything and he controls the hot water.' What did I miss?"
"Tony, you're back!" Steve accidentally yells.
"No thanks to you, Cap. It's good to see you too. I know you'll miss me," Tony says with a wink. Tony pours himself a liberal amount of Vodka, sits himself near Clint, and lifts his legs up on a table. When he sees the raised eyebrows of his teammates, he adds, "Don't you think I deserve a drink after all the commotion?"
"So how did it go?" Steve asks.
"Well, I barely survived. Thankfully, my wit saved me," answers Tony.
"That means you called Pepper at the last minute," translates Natasha.
"Darn it, Black Widow. Why do you need to spoil my fun?" pouts Tony.
"Did you or did you not call Pepper to help you out?" Natasha asks with a raised eyebrow.
"OK, OK, I did. Pepper made me promise I wouldn't tease Cap about the Iron Cap slash fiction. She then whipped out information regarding DNA tests and alibis of my whereabouts whenever the incidents claimed by the women occurred. I didn't even know that she kept track of me, I think I must thank JARVIS for that."
"Don't mention it, sir. It's all for your own good," replies JARVIS with a hint of amusement.
"With friends and staff like that, who needs an enemy?" Tony whines. He then realizes that Loki is there and adds, "No offense, Reindeer Games."
He adds, "JARVIS, please remind me not to cross red headed women ever. They could literally kill you and bury the evidence."
"Noted, sir," answers JARVIS.
"Damn straight we could," Natasha says.
All the male members, including Loki, visibly pale at the thought.
"That's a cheerful thought. What did I miss?" Tony asks.
Clint quickly explains the situation to Tony.
Tony whistles and says, "It's good that you're practically immortal Thor. I wouldn't dare to touch Natasha's DVDs. I'd rather buy my own. You're welcome to watch my collection though."
"Thanks for the offer, Man of Iron! I will learn more about Midgard from your collection," booms Thor. He stands up and clasps Tony's shoulder which makes Tony winced.
Steve has seen Tony's DVD collection and he very much doubts that it will educate Thor. He clears his throat and says, "Do we still need to read fanfiction or can we go to do our own training? There is no point for us to be here."
"Then why did you call us here, Cap? You were the one asking us to gather here at 2 pm," Clint answers.
"Well, our first meeting had ended so abruptly. I just asked everyone to be here in case there was anything else to discuss," Steve says.
"How about finding a nickname for Thor's brother so we won't summon him by accident? I propose we have a round to see our suggestion. Before that, I'd like to give our characters in fanfiction their own names so we won't confuse the real person with the fanfiction character," suggests Tony.
"I can call you all dearies," Loki says with a smirk.
"NO, just NO," Clint replies, horrified.
"I'll start. I shall name my fanfic character 'awesome!Tony' although the real Tony is even more awesome," Tony says.
"In that case, I'll name my fanfic character 'cool!Clint,'" Clint answers enthusiastically and high-fives Tony across the table.
"Well, I'm partial to the name 'scary!Natasha,'" Natasha adds.
"I like this naming game. I shall call myself 'mighty!Thor!'" booms Thor with a wide grin.
"I shall call myself 'wicked!Loki!'" Loki says.
"No, no, no. You're not in our team. We shall give you the nickname. Calling your chosen nickname may literally cause the apocalypse," Tony replies and adds "Who agrees with me?"
Five hands shoot up.
Tony says, "You have been vetoed. Who's next?"
Bruce answers meekly, "Can I call myself 'calm!Bruce?' I shall also call my alter Hulk as 'irate!Hulk.' Is that OK?"
"Sure, Brucey. As usual, Cap hasn't said a word. What is your nickname Cap? 'boyscout!Steve,' 'angel!Steve,' or 'goody-two-shoes!Steve?'" Tony asks.
Six pairs of eyes bore into Steve.
"Can I just go with 'normal!Steve?'" Steve asks.
"No, Cap. You can't. Are you saying that the rest of us is not normal?" When Tony sees Steve is about to reply, he quickly adds, "Please don't answer that! It's just rhetorical."
"I don't see why I can't choose my own name while others can. How about 'sensible!Steve?'"
"Sure Cap, just insult everyone while you can" pouts Tony.
"Tony, I don't mean that. I'm not saying that you're not sensible," replies Steve. He hears snorts from Natasha and Clint's direction. He continues, "It just seems that others choose the quality they're proud of. I don't posses any extraordinary quality. The only thing I can think about is my sensibility."
"I guess it's better than 'normal!Steve' which is so boring. OK, I'll accept it," Tony replies. He rubs his hands gleefully and says, "So, now what will we name our uninvited visitor?"
Six pairs of eyes look at Loki.
Loki is uncharacteristically meek. He asks, "Can you just call me 'dearie?'"
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Avengers," "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," "Supernatural," and "Once Upon a Time."
-I'm sorry for not updating for so long. Life can be very distracting.
-I thank Irish-Brigid for betaing this chapter; a guest and Marie Nomad for giving me the idea to name the fanfiction characters to separate them from the real characters.
-In the next chapter: Loki gets a nickname and the team reads a fanfic together for team work building exercise.
-Agent Sydney Young is quite popular so he may reappear later.
-Merry Christmas for those who are celebrating, Happy Festive Season for the rest. See you next year!
-Don't forget to leave a review!