Disclaimer: JK Rowling is awesomesauce.


Dirty Spaghetti

"I can't believe you'd drag me out here like this, Lexie." Lily Evans groaned as her best friend, Alexandria Owans dug through the library shelves, looking for a particular book.

"Lily, if I don't pass McGonagall's test tomorrow, she's going to keep me back or worse, put me in remedial Transfiguration." Lexie groaned at the very thought and grabbed hold of the book she was looking for. "Got it! Now we can…"

Both girls fell silent as the door to the library opened. It was fifteen past ten and the library closed at nine every night so that Madam Pince could get her beauty rest. Lexie had been persistent though, dragging Lily out of Gryffindor tower on this forbidden quest. They were allowed to be out of the common room until ten thirty, so that was no problem, but being caught in the library after hours had been known to be worth at least a detention and fifteen points off your house.

"There is someone in here, Catrin can hears them, yes he can." The voice was fairly squeaky, different than that of a human. Lily peered around the corner and gasped, pulling back. Lexie took a peek.

"It's a house elf." She confirmed, being pureblooded and having seen them on plenty of occasions before when visiting some of her family's friends. "C'mon, he can't do anything to get us in trouble if we tell him not to. They aim to please, not upset."

"Alright." Lily nodded as she and Lexie turned the corner to where the house elf was standing, still looking around the library. He jumped slightly as they appeared.

"You is not supposed to be in the library this late, no no no. Skulking you is." The house elf shook a finger at them and Lexie stepped forward.

"Oh now, it's alright. We just needed this book for studying tonight, that's all. We're leaving now."

"Catrin's mistress will be displeased if he allows misses to take a book without her permission." The house elf shook his head, reaching his arms out. "Give it back please, misses."

"But… we need it." Lexie bit her lip, not really knowing what to make of this now. "Who's your mistress? Aren't you a Hogwarts elf?"

"Catrin is belonging to his Mistress Pince, the librarian. My mistress is not liking students who is taking her books from the library without permissions. She tells Catrin, never let students takes books without permissions, Catrin. Catrin is doing as his mistress wishes." Catrin kept his arms held out for the book, looking up at them rather disdainfully for a house elf.

"Oh, what if we just read it here for a little bit then?" Lily suggest, reaching for a nearby chair. "That way the book wouldn't leave the library and you would have done your job. Is that alright?"

"No. Catrin is knowing the library is closed at nine pm. Misses must give back book and leave, or Catrin is getting his mistress, he is. Catrin is not liking naughty students who is not obeying his mistress's rules, no he is not." The house elf shook his head, glaring up at them before grabbing for the book.

Lexie yelped, and with the reflexes of a well trained Chaser, leapt away from him, holding the book high out of his reach. "Lily! Catch!" She tossed it over to her red headed friend who snatched the book from the air quickly. "Run!"

The two Gryffindor sixth years dashed around the tables and the house elf, making for the large double doors that were the entrance of the library.

"Oh! You is nasty, naughty students! Catrin is going to tell his mistress on you, misses, he is!" Catrin shouted as he chased after them, his shorter legs not quite able to keep up with them.

"This way!" Lily shouted, waving for Lexie to follow once she got to the corner of the corridor. The two girls made a beeline into an empty classroom and then to the back of it where another door was located, leading, they knew, down a long flight of narrow stairs. They traipsed down these, making sure the door was closed and locked behind them before heading carefully down the stairs. It was one of those staircases where you'd slip if you went too fast, but if they went too slow, Catrin would be on them like a fly on dog poop.

Halfway down, the door above flew open with a loud banging against the stone wall. "Catrin is seeing where misses is going, he is!"

"Shit!" Lexie groaned and grabbed hold of Lily's hand. They picked up the pace, running down the stairs as fast as possible. Fifteen steps from the bottom, Lexie's foot slid on the edge of one stairs and Lily wasn't quite quick enough to catch her. They both went careening downwards, Lexie gripping tightly to the book.

They hit the bottom, had one moment to groan and then shot back up.

"I swear, Lexie…" Lily said as they started running again, rubbing at her sore backside. "If you so much as think of dragging me out on another one of these quests, I will personally duct tape you to our dorm wall until morning."

"What's duct tape?" Lexie asked confusedly before letting out a scream. Catrin had appeared in front of them, out of nowhere with a loud crack.

The girls turned tail, running in the opposite direction, but Catrin had sped up and was on their heels now. He dove, trying to grab hold of at least one of them, but missed by half an inch.

They ran, down the great marble staircase to the Entrance Hall, and then around the corner down the corridor that they knew led towards the kitchens. They'd never been into the kitchens though and skirted right on past the picture of a bowl of fruit without really thinking much of it. A little further down, they had to slow down to get around a strange pile of wooden barrels that were seeming very out of place.

"What the hell?" Lexie paused to stare at the barrels, but then Catrin's footsteps had her running around. They went around a corner and found themselves suddenly careening down another set of stairs for the second time that evening.

"Lexie! I'm going to murder you in your sleep!" Lily shouted as they bounced, hit the bottom hard, and landed in a heap of limbs.

"Ow! Gerroff me!" Lexie groaned, disentangling her face from Lily's legs.

"Misses is in big trouble! Yes they is!"

"Doesn't he ever get tired?" Lily sorted herself out and they sped off again until they hit a single door at the end of a hallway. Lily tried the knob. It was locked. "Oh just great… Alohomora!"

They pushed through the door and shut it tightly behind them, relocking it. Turning around, both of their jaws dropped.

The room they had entered was enormous! Piles of clothes sat on the floor, sorted. There was a pile of robes, mostly black but with some colored ones in it. A pile of socks that looked taller than Hagrid. A pile of underwear, piles of shirts, pants, and other various clothes stretched out around them. Beyond the clothes piles, there were large wooden tubs, all full of water. Some were steaming hot, others not steaming at all, but they all contained soap.

House elves were scattered about the room, carrying armfuls of clothes over to the tubs and dropping them in before scrubbing away at them on scrubbing boards and then stirring them through the waters with huge wooden sticks.

Once they were done being scrubbed and stirred, the clothes were transferred onto a long rack where they were sprayed down with hoses before being pushed along away from all of the water. The elves dried, ironed, and then folded them magically. The clothes were then sorted into cubbies, each labeled by house, year, and gender, or by the Professor's name.

"Eugh… bet those are Slughorn's." Lexie made a face, pointing to a large pair of underwear that was being hung up onto one of the racks. "Oh god… and those are mine!" She groaned, watching as her own frilly panties were hung up, right next to Slughorn's underpants.

"Misses, naughty misses!" Catrin called. Lexie and Lily looked at one another and then bolted. They jumped into the pile of dirty socks, burying and hiding themselves among the evil stench.

"Misses?" Catrin called. "Is you seeing misses with one of my mistress's books?"

"They is in the socks." Another house elf, her voice higher than Catrin's, stated.

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Lexie shouted, shooting up, covered in socks. She and Lily dashed, socks trailing after them. They ran past the tubs, past the racks, and past the cubbies, heading for a door at the other end of the laundry room.

"Stops them! Stops the naughty students!" Catrin bellowed in his elf voice.

"Hurry up, Lexie!" Lily called, pressing through the door. Lexie followed and they slammed the door shut behind them.

Turning around, they found themselves standing on a great wooden platform above great vats of soup and tomato sauce. The vats weren't enormous, but they were large enough to feed the entire school.

"This must be part of the kitchens." Lily observed, looking quite impressed, still covered with dirty socks. They stuck to her, staticky and smelly "Ugh…"

"There they's is!" Catrin shouted, and Lily yelped, turning around. Lexie groaned, backing up. This was getting ridiculous.

"Oh, just give him the book, Lexie." Lily groaned, throwing her hands up in the air. "He'll catch us no matter where we go."

"But I need…" Lexie sighed, bumping into Lily as she backed up…

Lily was jostled, already very close to the edge above the vat of tomato sauce. Lexie's bumped sent her teetering… and then, with a great shout and a kersploosh! Lily hit the tomato sauce, full force.

"Lily!" Lexie screamed, dropping the book and spinning around. She fell to her knees, leaning forward, watching as Lily resurfaced at the top of the vat.

"Lexie Owans, I'm going to murder you!" Lily shouted before going back under. The sauce was thick… too thick.

"Lily!" Lexie shot to her feet, ignoring Catrin as he grabbed up the book and ran off, cackling. "Someone help me!"

"We is coming miss!" A house elf called, carrying a giant ladle with a few of his mates. They dropped it into the vat as Lily surfaced again, choking and coughing on tomato sauce. She grabbed hold of the ladle, hoisting herself up into it.

Lexie and the house elves heaved the ladle upwards, Lily clinging onto the handle as they did so, finally coming to the top and spilling out, covered from head to toe in sticky tomato sauce.

"You is lucky we is not heating sauce up yet, miss." One house elf stepped forward, offering Lily a clean towel from the laundry room.

Lily coughed a couple of times. "Thanks." She began wiping the sauce from her face, blinking rapidly. "Unfortunately, I think I lost the socks in there…" She shucked off her sodden robes.

Sure enough, the socks she'd had covering her from the sock pile were gone now, washed away into the vat of tomato sauce.

Yuck…" Lexie made a face, taking another towel and rubbing it through Lily's hair, trying to help her get dry. Her whole uniform was soaked through. "Remind me not to eat anything with tomato sauce for a while."

"Well, we is going to fix it's miss." A house elf sighed, eying the tomato sauce as though quite sad. Apparently it took a long time to make sauce.

"Actually… don't worry about it." A wicked grin spread across Lily's face as she eyed the vat of tomato sauce. "Just used it. And if anyone asks about it, don't mention that we were here. Just tell them it was the Marauders."

"Lily!… What did Potter do now?" Lexie asked curiously, wondering what sort of thing the bespectacled boy might have done to get on the redhead's nerves bad enough for her to tell the house elves to blame the socky sauce on him and his friends.

"Oh, you know, the usual." Lily shrugged and they headed back into the laundry room.

After getting Lily a quick rinse down from one of the elves, the girls found the sixth year Gryffindor girls' clothes cubby.

Lily found her own underwear and skirt, but had to borrow some of her dorm mates things for now, knowing they wouldn't mind once they were told the tale of tonight.

"Well, we'd best get back upstairs before we get into any more trouble." Lexie sighed, straightening out her hair the best she could. She was still pulling socks off herself.

…...

The next day at dinner time, both girls remained undetentional. They had made it back to their dorm without being caught, even though it'd been after curfew.

"Oh, Lily, look." Lexie laughed, pointing down at the great plates of spaghetti topped to tomato sauce set on every single table.

"Oooh boy…" Lily grinned, sitting down and purposely only taking a couple slices of garlic bread.

"Want some spaghetti ladies?" Sirius asked, offering them the large place. The girls looked at one another and then back at him.

"No. Way." They stated in unison and then broke out in giggles. Sirius looked confused, but then shrugged, handing the plate over to James who loaded up his own with spaghetti and then added extra sauce.

If watching their faces as they tasted the dirty sock flavored sauce couldn't have gotten any better, then watching all four boys getting yelled at an hour later in the common room by Professor McGonagall was priceless.


Bahahah. I'm particularly in love with this little ficlet. If you've read my fic 'His Boy', then you know exactly who Lexie is and this is a particular story of her's that was not told in it's completeness. If not, well, then... you should! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thoughtm, I love hearing from you.

Love always,

S.Q.O.