Title: I love you but I have chosen darkness ( 1/? )

Author: Jessica

Pairing: Cullen/Lily

Genre: Angst, POV

Rating: PG

Spoilers: 1x10 God of Chaos

Feedback: YES


Summary: "She came into your life in a time when darkness was winning the battle for your soul and for a brief moment she had

made the pain of your existence bearable." Cullen says goodbye to Lily

AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar mistakes may occur.

Not beta read as I do not have a permanent beta reader. First attempt at a Hell on wheels fic...

"Justice is about making them pay for her pain.

Revenge is making them pay for yours."

Cullen's POV

They would come for you now.

It was just a matter of time.

But then again you had always known they would come.

In the end everyone had to pay the price for the things they had done.

You were no different.

Your punishment would come sooner rather than later.

This you knew.

You had never feared it.

Never once.

But as you stood there with the darkness of the night wrapping its protective cloak around you all you could feel was fear.

Fear that all the things you had done had been for nothing.

You had let your lust for revenge blind you for the truth and now you carried the blood of an innocent man on your hands.

In one night all the things you had worked for had come crashing down around you.

What was left for you now?

You drew nearer to the sound coming from the dancehall.

She was the first thing you saw.

She wore a yellow dress that made her shine even brighter.

You should leave.

You knew that.

As the pathetic man you were you had to run now.

You didn't deserve to be anywhere near her.

You had never deserved to even touch her.

She was a light in the darkness, something unattainable.

She came into your life in a time when darkness was winning the battle for your soul and for a brief moment she had

made the pain of your existence bearable.

You had let yourself be open with her in a way that you had never been with another.

She had exposed the raw nerve endings of the remaining piece of that thing they called a heart and made you feel weak.

But yet you were drawn to her.

It was that weakness that made you cross that field and enter the dancehall that night.

The music had changed to something slow and fitting for the end of the evening.

Your eyes met hers as you crossed the floor and moved towards her.

You saw worry in her eyes and something else that you feared to name.

She didn't move away as you took her hand in yours and moved towards the dance floor.

The couples were few and far between as you moved into the center of the floor.

You ignored the looks that people gave you as you dared to move so far above your position in life.

Nothing mattered anymore.

The small, pitiable piece of your blackened heart was beating fast as you let your hand enclose hers and the other move around

her small waist and move her closer to you.

Her hand was warm in yours as you let the music move the two of you across the dance floor.

There were so many things a part of you wished you could tell her.

The other part feared that if she really knew the truth about you she would hate you.

She was heading for greatness.

You were heading down a path that was only darkness ahead.

By daybreak you would be long gone.

She would know the truth about you.

About the blood you had spilled.

About the horrible things you had done.

She would despise you then.

You felt like such a liar as her eyes met yours.

You saw trust in her eyes.


Hope for the future.

Pain coiled around your heart then and squeezed so hard that you were almost sure she could hear it.

The music was drawing to an end.

She let go of your hand and moved away from you.

A smile crossed her face as she curtsy.

You were already missing her touch.

You bowed and said:

"Mrs. Bell. Goodbye."

Then you walked away from her.

You didn't look back as the darkness of the night engulfed you.