AN: Prompt filled on Tumblr: Swan Queen; Emma somehow sees scars on Regina's back and thighs. She asks about them and brings back bad memories for Regina… Hope you all enjoy!
Something… changed between them. Something significant… What is just acceptance? Probably.
That was exactly it, actually. Regina finally accepted Emma in this town and the fate that she would eventually get. She accepted everything Emma had to offer her son… and she accepted that her son hated her.
She didn't want it; but she accepted it. She, however, was very, very surprised when Emma did not accept it. After a very long, drawn out conversation… that pretty much took the entire weekend, Emma got her to agree to family counseling with Archie. Emma was going to be there through the sessions as a support for both Henry and herself. Emma also agreed to go with her and wait outside for personal counseling… After that night of actually listening to each other, and finally understanding where the other was coming from… they completely and fully understood each other. They knew each other.
Regina would deny her crush to anyone if asked directly. She had been seeing Archie both with and without Henry and Emma for over a year, and two significant things have happened. She admitted that she didn't want to be alone, she didn't want deal with everything by herself. And she is… 'angry' with her mother. It took a over a year to get the word 'angry' out of her mouth. She knew that she couldn't call this third bit a 'breakthrough' unless she told Archie that she liked her. She knew she would then have to explain it…
"Regina…?" Archie waved his hand trying to get her attention.
She had been thinking about all of this during her session. She had been staring off at the closed, gold pocket watch reflecting in the sun's light from the window onto the coffee table for about five minutes.
"…Regina?" Archie waved once more, this time a little closer.
Regina snapped her head up then smiled a meek smile as she looked back down, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking…"
"Has something happened? Have you had another breakthrough?"
Regina said nothing for a moment. Then she nodded her head, "Yes."
"And what is it?"
"What is what?"
"I don't want to be alone." Regina recited her first one and looked at Archie.
"Yes… Regina we knew that."
"That's why I adopted Henry."
Archie nodded along, "Yes."
"I don't want to be alone." She said it again.
"Do you know who you want to be with?" Archie asked hesitantly.
"Yes." Regina looked up at him, "I want to be with Emma."
Archie's brows shot into his hairline, "Emma?" He spoke as cleanly as possible.
"I thought you hated her?"
"No, you didn't." Regina looked up at him, "You thought she intimidated me. I thought I hated her." She took a hesitant breath, "I don't."
"Do you love her?"
"I could love her." Regina nodded, "I think I've started the fall…" She looked off to the side.
"You could love her… Regina, why would you have gotten in a brawl or two with someone you could love?" Archie asked.
"I don't know… Ask Freud. It's like the elementary school kids that pull hair and kick, I guess…" Regina shook her head, "Besides, that was when I thought I hated her."
"But you don't?"
"If it wasn't hate, what was it?"
Regina knit her brows in thought, "Intensity." She looked back up to Archie.
There was a long pause before Archie asked, "What do you want to do?"
"Be with her."
"Then I think you need to tell her that." Regina looked ready to protest, "Regina, you and I both know that you are the kind of person that will hold it in even if it kills you… We both know that the only way you won't feel trapped or weighted down by this is if you tell her. You cannot fear rejection so much."
There was a knock on the door before it opened revealing the one person they were talking about, "Uhh… Am I early?" Emma asked as she took in the two stares, "I'll just go wait outside again." She turned.
"No. You're right on time, Sherriff." Regina stood up and gathered her things before walking passed her out of Archie's office.
"She okay?" Emma gestured with her thumb as she faced Archie.
He knew this wasn't the most ethical thing to do… but he had to give Emma some forewarning, "If she… tells you anything, just remember that she is working through very significant, very complicated things…"
"Alright…" Emma knit her brows and nodded.
"And!" Archie stopped her from leaving, "If she doesn't… don't bring it up. Please. She needs to face this on her own."
"This?" Emma looked at him, searching for answers.
"That I can't divulge…" Archie raised his hands in regret.
"Uh…huh…" Emma looked a little skeptic, "Alright… Have a nice evening, Archie."
Emma caught up with Regina as she descended the stairs, "Regina…" She rounded the brunette and stopped her on the last step, "You okay?"
Regina's eyes flared with anger, "Did Archie tell you I wasn't?" She gave the man's office door a death glare.
Emma couldn't help the flutter in her heart at sparking the Mayor up like that. She realized that that was why she liked to argue with her… She was God damn fucking beautiful when she was raving mad… She was God damn ducking beautiful holding any emotion, but this one held passion… usually directed at her, and she liked it. She knew she was fucked up, but damn what she would do to be with Regina Mills, Mayor of Storybrooke. She knew if she told anyone, they would try to have her committed, but… She just… ever since the night she brought Henry home she couldn't help but feel… something. Something she'd never felt before.
"Well did he?" Regina's nostrils flared.
Emma couldn't help the smile no matter how hard she tried to conceal it. Ever since a year or so before… ever since they finally talked, they became… friends, Emma had this ability to be…playful with Regina, and Regina would allow it. She shook her head and stepped up, invading Regina's personal space, "No, Regina… No he didn't… He's a therapist, if he told me anything, I'd have to arrest him… What kind of shrink tells the town Sherriff personal information about the town mayor? That is dumber than selling pot to a uniformed police officer." Regina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, "He didn't tell me anything… I am asking you if everything is okay."
"Because I care, Regina… I care if you're okay or not." Emma put her foot another step up, invading Regina's personal space even further, "And back there, you didn't seem so okay…"
"You care?" Regina seemed so small as she asked this question.
"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't." Emma looked into her eyes and placed her hand against the wall, waiting for an answer.
Regina stared back at her. She didn't think about what she was doing, she just verbed (it's what you do). She leaned into Emma and kissed her lips.
Emma's eyes didn't close like Regina's. No, instead they opened wide. As Regina pulled away to gauge Emma's reaction, she felt her stomach churn. Emma looked terrified. She couldn't even get the words out to apologize. She darted passed her and got in her car then drove to her house.
She got in the door, shut it as quietly as possible…. She didn't want to disturb Henry, and she fled up the stairs, to her room, then into her bathroom. She combed her fingers through her hair as she took in her appearance. She felt like she was going to be sick and when she knelt before the porcelain throne… nothing happened.
She needed to wash it off of her. Everything was coming back to her, and it was leading her down the dark path that was her life. She took her belt off then slowly unbuttoned her top; she began concentrating on her breathing. She took her skirt off and started on her hose. As she put her foot up on the bath's edge and looked down, she saw the first tear land on her knee.
She pushed from the tub after yanking her hose off. She was still clad in her underwear and bra as she tried to look at her now red face and even redder, watery eyes. She was not going to fall apart. Not again. She started to turn from the mirror, but still held her own attention as he back came into view. Her jaw set tight as she saw the many scars. She was 'angry' with her mother. Her jaw set tighter as she thought that. She looked down at her thighs and looked at the back of them via the mirror as well… She was 'angry' with her mother.
She turned around and leaned against the counter top. With one hand, she reached behind her to her back and unhooked the strap of her bra. She took it off and then her underwear. Shaking as she did so, she reached behind her again and felt the longest, thickest scar… the scar that was actually five scars all overlapping on the same spot just above her left hip. She shook with anger—rage, embarrassment, anger, sadness, anger, heartache, anger… She was 'angry' with her mother.
Her mother made her the woman she was today. Her mother made her seek out the revenge she did. Her mother disapproved of the life she wanted to lead and made her lead a trapped life. Her mother knew that Daniel was a way for her to get out, not the love of her life, no matter how hard they tried to fake it. Her mother beat her every time she did something wrong. Her mother whipped her because she tried to tell her, because she tried to tell her who she was, because she tried to tell her that no man could ever make her happy. She tried to tell her so many times, and so many times she felt the sting of that whip. So many times she heard her mother say, 'No daughter of mine is a queer.' So many times later, she finally gave up.
She closed her eyes as she almost felt the stinging again. She hit the top of the counter as she felt the tears roll down her face. When was it her turn to be happy? She looked in the mirror as if it would have the answer.
The door flew open, "Regina you can't just go around kissing people then run away from—Oh my naked goddess…!" Emma tried to turn and cover her eyes, but she couldn't… something caught her off guard, something dark, gruesome.
Regina looked over to Emma about to ask her for some privacy and tell her not to break and enter her home ever again, but Emma's stare on her thigh slowly moved up to her back and it stopped everything about to come out of her mouth, stopped her from moving to get a towel to cover herself.
Emma cautiously walked into the room and behind her. She gingerly traced over the same scar she had been previously, "'The hell's this?" Emma asked almost as if it was her that was the marred one.
Regina looked at Emma's face in the mirror. She watched her watch her finger trace the line on her back. She swallowed, "I am 'angry' with my mother." It was all she could say… probably all she could ever say about it.
"Your mother did this to you?" Emma looked into her eyes through the mirror. Regina nodded, "She do anything I can't see?" Regina knit her brows in confusion, "She touch you? Go straight up Sybil's mom?"
"My mother was not crazy." Regina said, "She was cruel. She did not… do that. She did this and beat me."
"This is not beating you?" Emma looked at her with watery eyes.
"These are whip marks… she hit me as well." Regina swallowed hard, "When I did not rise to her… standards she set, I would be punished."
"What standards did she set?"
"I had to like men…" Regina looked off to the side, "I had to like well-to-do men." She took in a ragged breath through her nose, "I do not like men."
"Your mother gay bashed you?" Emma could not believe this shit.
"Liking the same sex is wrong, Emma." She was obviously reciting her mother's words, "And my mother would have no 'queer' in her house."
"Does your mother know you run a fucking town? That you have a son?"
"My mother is dead." Regina spoke coolly. "I am still angry with her."
"I'm pretty pissed off myself." Emma stepped closer to Regina so that she held the brunette's bare hips and looked at her through the mirror, "You're incredible… You know that, right?"
Regina laughed a pathetically, sarcastic laugh, "I'm incredible, that's why my son still doesn't trust me, I've never found love, a scared off the one woman I've admitted feelings for in the last…forever… and I'm holding a grudge with the dead."
"You're incredible because no matter what your son feels for you, you love him and will look out for him. You're incredible because you run this entire town and still look God damn fucking amazing… nothing puts a kink in you… not even your dead mother whom we're both angry with can touch you anymore… And you didn't scare me off…" Emma grinned a small grin, "I just didn't realize I wasn't dreaming until you left."
"You've dreamt about us before?" Regina looked at her.
"Oh yes… they say that dreams are wishes our hearts make… I've always believed that. So…" Emma gave her a goofy look, "What I'm trying to figure out is if you have feelings for me… and my heart and souls wants you and the kid and nothing else… and you are standing here in all your glorious nakedness… Then why the hell am I still in my clothes?"
"Is that your crude way of telling me you want to be with me?" Regina asked with a smirk as she turned around and wrapped her arms around Emma's neck.
"Yes." Emma wrapped hers around Regina's middle.
"And not just tonight…" Regina looked suddenly scared.
"No." Emma shook her head furiously as she loosened her grip a little and began tracing the lines on the brunette's back, "Until all these scars go away." Emma said.
"That's never gonna happen…" Regina looked at her confused.
Emma only grinned, "I know." She leaned in a kissed Regina this time.
One Week Later:
Emma was working as diligently as possible. She was signing off on papers, waiting for Mary Margaret to go to dinner. She heard the door open, "Finally!" She breathed out. She looked up to see her girlfriend walk in, which was happy, but she walked in with more files, which was sad. She perked up then sunk down and gave Regina a look, "What's that crap?" She asked as she looked at Regina's hands.
"Good evening to you too." Regina said with a grin, "These need your signature on them tonight so they can be processed first thing tomorrow." She said as she rounded the desk and greeted Emma with a peck. She pulled back and grinned, "Hi."
Emma smiled back, "Hi."
"You have dinner plans with Mary Margaret don't you?" Regina asked as she checked her watch.
"Yes." Emma confirmed, "I was just being a good Sherriff, trying to earn some brownie points with the Mayor and get this paperwork done.." She grinned.
"Well, you already have it in good with the Mayor…" Regina smiled back at her, "Can you do this stuff before you finish that?"
"Of course Madam Mayor…" Emma winked at her.
"And uh, Sherriff…" Regina's voice dropped an octave, "If you want, I'll be having dessert at my place… tonight?"
"Dessert, dessert? Or…" Emma waggled her brows, "Dessert, dessert?"
"Mmm," Regina looked up in thought as she leaned into Emma's side and brought her face up to meet her own, "Both if you're planning on spending the night…"
Emma grinned, "I'm gonna go there and get sweet stuff and sex?…" She shook her head, "You're too good to me."
"Well, I think it makes up for all the times we fought…" She said as she rested her head against Emma's.
"Awhh, Baby, I think of that shit as foreplay!" Emma laughed at Regina's flushed, embarrassed expression.
"Umm.. right, so… these documents that need signing…"
Regina slid passed Emma's right side to sit on the arm of the left rest, so that Emma could sign her name. Regina began placing documents in front of her and pointing to the lines that needed her name or initials. Emma was signing away, but she let her left hand sneak under her girlfriend's shirt and began tracing scars… it had already become comforting to Regina… it was like a really, really, really delayed soothing treatment.
They were trying to contain grins, and act as business professional as they could… with Regina sitting half in Emma's lap and Emma's hand up Regina's shirt.
"Hey Emma, I'm sorry I'm… late… Madam Mayor…?" Mary Margaret wasn't sure if it was a question or not. She knew Emma had been spending time with someone she dubbed special but she didn't say anything beyond that… So seeing the Mayor with Emma…like that—where was Emma's hand, exactly?—This was throwing her off.
"Hi Mary Margaret…" Emma didn't even think about the fact that this must be awkward for her, "I'm just finishing up some documents… Hold on just a second." She looked back down and finished signing the last thing that Regina sat in front of her.
She then helped Regina up and over so that the woman could get out of the office as well. She didn't see Mary Margaret nod, turn around, walk a couple feet from her office door, then turn around and blatantly stare at them in pure fascination, she jus thought she was giving them some privacy to finish up.
As Emma shrugged on her coat and as Regina put the files back in the large, accordion file folder she had, Mary Margaret just stared on, jaw on the floor. She watched as Emma helped Regina fix her scarf, wrap it tighter around her neck to protect her from the cold. She watched Regina smile… even laugh genuinely as Emma did so, then she watched as the brunette buttoned Emma's coat all the way up instead of halfway like Emma usually did. She watched Regina tap on the top button and tell her something about 'the cold' if she read her mouth correctly. She watched Emma laugh and nod then lean into Regina. She watched the small smile form on Regina's mouth before she leaned up to close the gap. She watched as the Mayor blush as Emma whispered something in her ear. Then she watched them come out of her office, fingers laced via the backs of their hands. She watched Regina and Emma quickly drop hands as they saw her and she saw Regina smile at Emma then wave at her as she pulled her gloves out of her pocket.
"Mary Margaret." Regina nodded toward her in goodbye.
"Madam Mayor." She barely got the words out as she watched the woman leave. She looked over to Emma whose head was tilted all the way to the side, still staring after the Mayor, "Emma…"
"I know…" Emma looked at her, "But there are things about her that you could just…never understand… that I do… things that I love…. And I'm asking you to respect that."
"Things like what?"
"Well, let's just say… I'm angry with her mother." Was all Emma said as she walked to the door, "You coming?"