Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to South Park

He Likes His Rare


Chapter One

"Tweek! God damn it, hurry up!" The shrill scream mixed with screeching tires, my own frantic yells, and a few monstrous moans filled the air like a giant audio track of chaos.

My shaking hands were full of canned food and small jugs of water as I ran desperately for the dilapidated red Honda Accord charging in my direction. My mind was eerily quiet, which is a very terrifying thing for a guy like me, and only really happens when I'm about to shit my pants (which I'm pretty sure I've already achieved, but when a pack of raving cannibals are chasing you, it's not really the first thing on your mind).

The small car halted after a sharp turn, the passenger door being swung open by the flustered driver. For once, I was gracious for my awkwardly long and thin legs, because when I needed to get the fuck out of somewhere, they were really convenient.

I didn't dare look back at how close those things were behind me as I flung myself into the car—unceremoniously dumping my spoils on the floor and burying myself into the fake tight leather seat. With a trembling hand, I slammed the door shut and shouted, "Go, go go!"

I could feel the tires beneath us squeal against the rough ground and launch the car forward, nearly sending me through the windshield. I caught myself against the dashboard and flopped back into my seat, glancing out the window with wide brown eyes; watching as the monsters slowly faded over the horizon like the sun did many months ago. Slowly but surely, my heart slowed down and receded back into my chest (for a while there I was petrified that I'd throw it up). Taking a deep breath, I grabbed at the goggles that clung uncomfortably to my face and yanked them over my head, letting them rest in my wild hair.

"J-Jesus Christ, took you long enough," I spat angrily, examining the brown gloves that were covering the pale skin of my thin hands.

"Well maybe if you took the bat with you like I said, you could have fended for yourself." Bebe Stevens, the driver and the only human being I've seen since the world went to fucking Hell, hissed back at me. She flipped her long thick curly hair over her shoulder, and kept her dark blue eyes glued to the cracked road ahead of us.

"I didn't think they'd be at that store! Didn't you see how run down it was? Erg, I'm not psychic, okay!" Shit, now I'm getting emotional. It's kind of embarrassing how emotional I can get. I probably cry at least twice a day, but what can I say? I'm an emotional guy. No shame in that…unless it kills me. Oh Jesus.

"No, you're not," Bebe agreed patiently, she held the wheel with one hand while fiddling with the end of her long buckled leather glove with the other, "but zombies are everywhere, always assume that."

She didn't have to tell me twice. Looking back on it, it's actually really weird that I had insisted on raiding the store without taking anything. Oh God, the zombies totally developed some kind of mind controlling technique. They know I'm wicked shit with a bat, so they convinced me to enter the store without one. FUCK!

"Bebe, what if the zombies can control minds?" I squeaked worriedly, tugging on the rough fabric of my thick button up jacket. Bebe only snorted, and returned both hands to the wheel, I frowned at her response. She should be taking this shit seriously. They could control her mind at any time too. What if they are now? And she's driving me into a city of zombies?

No no. Relax, just relax.

"Do you hear yourself sometimes?" She laughed. "Not possible babe."

"That's what everyone told me when I tried to warn them about the zombies! And look what happened!" I grit my teeth together and swallowed down an involuntary shriek. "And don't call me babe."

"Alright, babe."

"Ah! That's gross." My reasons behind the disgust I have for that word are a little odd. One, babe is a word only couples use when they're being cuddly and ugh that grosses me out (I know, real mature Tweek, get over it). And Two, it reminds me of the movie, Babe, you know with that little pig? I can't really remember the details of it much, but when my mother sat me down and forced me to watch it, I ended up sobbing the entire movie. Babe just made me cry…like (embarrassingly) a lot of things.

And, now that I just thought of my mom, I might cry again. Shit.

"So what did you manage to grab before you got chased out of there?" Bebe asked. Meanwhile I was wiping furiously at my eyes so stupid tears wouldn't trickle out. It took me a moment to realize she was talking about the food and water that were rolling around at my feet.

"Ngh, um" I bent over and picked up a few of the cylindrical containers, reading the labels, "beans, corn, and Spaghetti O's?" Not the best food we've ever found, but it'll do. Jesus what I'd do to get my hands on coffee, I've been craving that shit since the zombies appeared. I know my thermos is in the back seat of the car, eagerly waiting for me to use it again. Sometimes I feel kind of bad for it, so I'll pour some water into it or something.

"Fuck yeah!" Bebe yelled cheerily as I flinched, "Please tell me there are meat balls in the Spaghetti O's." I looked down at the can again. There is no way that's actually meat.

"Y-yeah, there are." I mumbled.

"Oh my God, that just made my day." Bebe said excitedly, making a sharp turn, causing me to almost slide out of my seat.

"How can you eat those things man, there is no way that's quality beef!"

"I don't care what it is, it tastes fucking good." Bebe turned to me and licked her lips seductively.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" I screeched. She laughed, but did what I said.

We were silent then, watching the road and dead grass pass by us. It seemed like everything was lifeless. The plants were all worn out and dry, cattle would be dead in their neglected fields. And people…forget about it. At times, I think Bebe and I are the only people left, but that thought scared the shit out of me so I prefer not to think about it. Even the sky seemed dead (if that were possible). Thick dark gray clouds blocked out the sun and rolled across the sky like an endless blanket. Both Bebe and I didn't know where we were, or where we were going…or even if this whole thing would blow over. That's another thing I prefer not to think about.

We were headed up a pretty steep slope now, and the roads were becoming less developed.

"You think we'll be able to find somewhere—ngh—to stay for the night?" I asked quietly, keeping my gaze out the window.

"Probably…I'd think a cabin or something." Bebe said tiredly. "Hey, grab one of my CDs would you?" I opened the hatch to the glove compartment, where a small assortment of CDs and knives lay. Careful not to cut my freaking hand off I plucked one of the CDs and closed the small door. I read the case cover: Britney Spears. Good pick Tweek (and I'm not being sarcastic, I like Britney okay? Sue me).

I turned on the radio and was greeted with static noise. After a few seconds of silence, I popped the CD into the stereo. I didn't really like turning on the radio, because every time there wasn't a voice speaking through the speakers—it was more than a little disappointing.

When the first song began to play Bebe smiled. "Britney Spears. Good boy Tweek, I've trained you well." I scowled and flipped to the song Stronger.

"Fuck you," I said, "I liked her long before I started talking to you."

"You think she's still alive?"

"I don't know—erg—maybe." I shrugged honestly.

The car fell silent again, but the mood of the car was lighter with classic Britney songs pumping through the cheap stereo. But, as the day darkened, I grew more antsy and alert. With the dark came shadows and shadows held zombies. I put my goggles over my eyes just thinking about them.

Bebe often made fun of my goggles, but I wear them for safety! What if while I'm bashing a zombie's head in, the blood spurts into my eyes and I become infected! AGH! Besides, it's important to keep as much of yourself covered as possible, just in case! Bebe herself wears a bandana around the bottom half of her face while kicking zombie ass, but I never make fun of her (because I'm a good person). It's not around her face now, of course, it's simply hanging from her neck.

Bebe clicked on the headlights with caution. There were no too many trees and turns to risk driving in the dark without them. We usually avoided headlights because the potentially brought unwelcome visitors.

My heart began beating harder in my chest as I looked past the black trees to the darkened world beyond. Who knew what was hiding in the woods? Underpants gnomes were the least of my problems.

With a sharp turn left Bebe said, "Look, up there, I see a shack or something." I immediately turned my quivering gaze in the direction Bebe was looking. And sure enough, there was a humped, square looking shadow in the distance, and by the time the headlights reached the shape, it was obvious to be an abandoned cabin. Probably only had one room, but it would do.

My gloved hand reached into the back and brought front the golf club and baseball bat. Both were worn, and had dark blood spatters on them from previous weeks, but they're part of the reason why we're still alive.

The car was now crawling up to the cabin; it was horribly cliché and creepy as far as abandoned cabins went…which didn't help me calm down. When Bebe parked the car just outside the door, we sat still and listened. The CD had long been turned off, and not even a cricket could be heard from the silent forest around us.

Bebe grabbed the golf club from me and turned the car off. Immediately we plunged into darkness. I felt like I was going to throw up my own heart again.

"You ready?" Bebe asked quietly, unlocking the doors. I just nodded silently, swallowing the lump in my throat. Damn it, why do I always get like this whenever I leave the car?

We both opened our doors, and sat stiffly on the edge of our seats, waiting for something to jump out at us. When nothing happened, we edged farther out of the car. The silence of the forest was maddening. There was no bird chatter, or even the buzzing of crickets. I could only hope that that meant whatever used to be here, moved on because there was nothing left.

The front door of the cabin was slightly ajar, and the only reason I could see this was because of the faint light that came from the car (since we haven't shut the doors yet). I looked to Bebe with large panicked eyes concealed safely behind thick goggles. She motioned for me to follow her to the cabin, raising her club defensively and shutting the car door quietly.

We crept up to the door as silently as possible, but the noise of our feet rusting leaves and twigs on the ground was almost deafening in the quiet forest. I had the bat raised over my head, and continued to dart my eyes from one said to the next. Beside me were only dark trees with pointless leafless branches. Bebe pulled her bandana over her face and put her hand on the rotting wooden door.

The light of the car blinked out, and now I could only see her shadow. My heart was pounding in my throat as Bebe's shadowed figure lightly pushed the old piece of wood.

It creaked open slowly to reveal a pitch-black entrance that could hold anything inside; I squeaked anxiously.

I heard rustling from Bebe, and she pulled out a small flashlight, pulling her bandana down and sticking the butt end in her mouth—returning both hands to the handle of the gulf club. She stepped into the cabin first, and I was close behind. Because the person who waits outside always gets taken out first!

The inside was small; it was like a wooden box. There was nowhere for anything to hide in here. All of the furniture must have been removed when the owner left.

I shut the door behind me and exhaled, lowering my baseball bat to the worn floor. Bebe pointed the flashlight in my direction. The light wasn't nearly strong enough to even cause me to squint.

"We can crash here tonight." Bebe said, her voice echoing off of the empty walls, "then head back out to find a better place."

I agreed and offered to stay watch. After all, I never really slept when things were normal—let alone in these kinds of situations. The only time I actually did sleep was when my body became so exhausted it finally crashed. And that happened just a few days ago, so I've probably got about another few nights before I can't stay up any longer.

I sat down next to Bebe's sleeping form. I played with the flashlight absently, resting the bat in my lap.

I didn't like times like these: when I was left alone with my own thoughts. They always carried me back to that day…the day, and the people I lost—the people I will never see again.

And him.

I shook my head and tugged my goggles away from my face. My eyes stung, and I knew tears were definitely going to pour tonight. But, I wasn't about to stop them. Sometimes it was good, in times like these, to just sit down and have a good cry.

It will be okay.


Alright, chapter one, complete. Um, you probably have a lot of questions? Well, hopefully those will be answered next chapter. I hope you liked this and…a review wouldn't hurt? OTL I just want to know if people want this thing to continue or not so yeah ahaha.

**A special thanks to Syrina (who is a beautiful and wonderful person =u =) for being the beta of this fic