It was raining when Dean found Castiel sitting against his car and muttering to himself. Meg had rung them, telling Dean in her irritating voice that Castiel had just vanished into thin air. Dean had cursed her useless demon arse before hanging up and heading out of the crappy motel they were currently in, Sam at his heels.
"What do you think happened?" Sam asked as they made their way across the car, rain pouring down on them.
"Maybe he finally snapped and escaped that nut house," Dean replied, panic running through him but he didn't show it.
He walked around to the driver's side of the car and stopped as he came across Castiel sitting on the floor, his head in his hands and rocking slightly. He was wearing his trench coat over his white hospital clothes and was wearing no shoes or shocks. His clothes were soaked right through and his hair was stuck to his forehead.
"Cas?" Dean asked, shocked. The Angel looked up and Dean winced. Castiel's skin was pale, with his eyes red rimmed and the blue dulled. They seemed to be sunken into his face and his cheekbones were sticking out sharply. There was dark stubble all over his cheeks and chin and his hair was more messy than usual. He smiled when he saw Dean. A crazed smile that showed too much teeth and didn't reach his eyes. Dean felt a chill run through him as he remembered the future Castiel. The 2014 Cas who wasn't Cas anymore; too far gone from drugs and sex and being human.
"Cas?" Sam's voice broke Dean's flashback and his brother was pushing past him to get to Castiel. This shook Dean enough to jump into action and crutch down beside Castiel's side as well.
"Cas, what happened?" He asked, gripping his arm.
"He came, Dean, he came," Castiel said, still smiling. He grabbed hold of Dean's t-shirt, pulling forward so Dean fell. He placed a hand on the car to balance himself.
"Who came Cas?" He asked. Castiel's eyes softened slightly, and his smile became a bit more real.
"My Father came," he said, closing his eyes as if to remember better.
"God?" Dean asked, looking at him in concern.
"Yes, he saved me Dean," Castiel told him, opening his eyes and looking crazed again.
"Maybe we should get him inside," Sam suggested and Dean nodded. He moved Castiel's arm so it was around his neck and pulled him up. Dean nearly fell over because Castiel was a lot lighter then he remembered. Whenever he had needed to help Castiel stay on his feet in the past he had been surprisingly heavy from the invisible weight of his wings, but now it was as if he as light as a pillow. Dean regained his footing and pulled Castiel up. He kept muttering stuff as Dean half carried him towards the motel room. Dean caught words such as,
"Saved" and "Wings" and "Father"
Sam got the door and Dean rushed in out of the rain and placed Castiel down onto the nearest bed, which happened to be his own.
"Get some towels," Dean ordered Sam who had already gone to get them. Dean focused on Castiel, who was still muttering quietly and had crawled onto his side, facing the hunter. His eyes were out of focus but he seemed to know Dean was there, as he reached forward to clutch Dean's wrist in a weak grip.
Dean tried to push Castiel's coat off but he whimpered and pulled it closer around him.
"It's soaked through, I need to get you dry clothes," Dean told him.
"Need my coat... don't take it away," Castiel mumbled, "Only thing left."
"I'm not going to take it away, just dry it and get you some warm clothes," Dean told him. Castiel hesitated for a moment before nodding. Dean took it off and froze for a second. The long trench coat had hidden how skinny Castiel had gotten in just a few weeks. His shirt was hanging off him and his collar bones were sticking out sickly. That wasn't right. Angels don't need to eat so they can't get this skinny. Could they?
"What happened to you?" Dean mumbled but Castiel heard and looked up.
"My Father saved me, he got rid of the versions, but he told me I couldn't be an Angel anymore because of my sins."
Tears formed in Castiel's eyes, shocking Dean.
"You're human now?" He asked, not noticing Sam standing behind him with towels.
"He gave me a choice, I could join my fallen brothers and sisters in Paradise or fall," Castiel whispered, before clutching Dean's shirt again and looking up at him with wide eyes.
"I fell for you Dean, I couldn't stand to be away from you," he said, as if begging Dean for something. The crazed smile formed on his lips again, "And my brothers and sisters, they would all hate me, I killed half of them after all."
And with that he passed out. Dean and Sam stood in a shocked silence for a moment, taking in the sight of the pale, unconscious, very human Angel.
Dean clutched his jaw tightly before grabbing a towel off Sam and started to rub Castiel dry. His brother helped him. They got him undressed and into some clean clothes of Dean's in silence. The older hunter ignored the fact that he could count Castiel's ribs and covered him in the cheap motel blankets.
"Dean," Sam started but Dean cut him off.
"Don't Sam, I don't want to talk about it, let's just go to sleep."
Sam nodded, knowing when his brother needed to be left alone. They climbed into the other bed together, both rolling over so they weren't touching each other and fell asleep.
Dean woke to whimpering. He was lying on his front with his head facing Castiel, who was shaking slighting in his sleep. Soft whimpers were coming from him.
"Dean," Sam whispered beside him.
"I hear him," Dean sighed.
"Go comfort him then," Same mumbled, his voice laced with sleep.
"Why me?" Dean growled. Sam was silent for a moment before saying,
"Because you two share a more profound bond."
Dean kicked him in the shin.
"Ouch! Jerk!" He cursed, before going silent again. Dean laid there and listened to Castiel's whimpers and muttered words.
"I can't do it, it's my fault he is like this," Sam said, sounding guilty.
"It's not your fault, he brought this on himself," Dean said, angry seeping though his tired mind.
"Dean," Castiel suddenly moaned, his voice filled with fear and pain. Dean bit his lip at the sound, his anger disappearing.
"Because he's calling your name," Sam whispered behind him. Dean sighed and pushed himself up out of the bed.
"Fine, but not a word of this in the morning," he told Sam.
The older hunter moved over to the other bed and carefully climbed into the bed next to Castiel. He was unsure what to do but he didn't need to do anything because soon as he was beside Castiel, the smaller man moved closer to Dean and wrapped his arms around his stomach and buried his face into Dean's chest.
Dean was shocked for a moment but his eyes softened as he noticed that Castiel was quiet now. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders, wincing slightly as he felt Castiel's sharp shoulder bones. He felt Castiel relax against him and he fell into a deep sleep. Dean leant his chin on top of his head and sighed, closing his eyes.
He didn't know how to feel. He wanted to feel angry because Castiel had messed up his little brother's head and then went on a massacre claiming to be the new God and then released the invincible Leviathans, who had killed Bobby. Thinking about all these things should make Dean hate Castiel, but he couldn't.
He knew Castiel regretted everything that he had done and he had fucked up his own head fixing Sam's, and he had fallen. The fool had fallen. And he was lying here asleep and having a nightmare, half starved and making no sense, burying himself into Dean's chest.
Dean felt sorry for him and sadness filled him at the sight of Castiel looking so fragile. The image of him in 2014 kept leaping into Dean's mind. The idea of Castiel being that lost made Dean shiver and he subconsciously brought Castiel closer to him.
It took him a while to fall back to sleep but finally he did, his dreams filled with Castiel's crazed smile.
Dean woke the following morning feeling extremely comfortable. He was lying on his back with Castiel lying on his chest. The weight was warm and felt nice. Dean would never admit that though. He looked over to Sam's bed to find it neatly made and empty. Dean frowned and looked around the room but his giant of a bother was nowhere.
"He went out earlier," Castiel's tired, gruff voice informed him. Dean hadn't realised he was awake so was a bit surprised. He looked down to see Castiel looking straight ahead, staring into nothing with dull blue eyes.
"Probably to get some breakfast," Dean told him and then brought his arm up to wrap it around Castiel's shoulder. He knew he should find this wrong and uncomfortable but for some reason it felt right and he knew that this is what Castiel needed right now.
"I don't like dreaming," Castiel mumbled quietly, still staring into nothing, "It's like all your worst memories and fears torturing you over and over again."
"Sometimes it is nice," Dean told him, "Sometimes you dream about happy memories and things that can't come true but are nice to think about."
"What do you dream about?" Castiel asked. Dean thought for a moment, rubbing a small circle on Castiel's arm.
"My first memory, when I was 4 and Sam had just been born and our parents took us on a panic to the park," Dean told him, "My Mum made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and my Dad played ball with me; it's a nice memory."
Castiel was silent as Dean thought about the memory.
"Or I dream about finding Hitler's ghost and burning him," Dean grinned, "Or having a threesome."
"I want to dream about flying," Castiel said quietly and dreamlike, "Or singing with my brother Balthazar when we were just created, before humans were even born and none of this mess was around."
"Wouldn't Balthazar be in this Paradise place?" Dean asked, looking down at him. Castiel nodded, his eyes going moist.
"Yes, Balthazar and Gabriel, Rachel and Anna," he sighed.
"What is Paradise?" Dean asked, deciding to keep taking to Castiel while he was making sense.
"It is where Angels go when they die," Castiel told him, "It is said that you are greeted by Father himself and all sins are forgiven and all the Angels live together with no responsibilities or duties, just in bliss and peace."
Dean spotted the longing look in Castiel's eyes as he said this.
"Why didn't you go?" Dean asked. Castiel tensed slightly and then let a shaky breathe escape through his chapped lips.
"I was ashamed, I do not deserve that life," Castiel told him, "My Father gave me forgiveness, I do not need anymore."
Dean was silent for a long moment and his hold tightened on Castiel's shoulders. Castiel turned his face so it was hidden in Dean's chest like last night.
"How did you get here last night, if you can't fly?" Dean asked.
"My Father delivered me," Castiel answered, sounding tired.
"So you're human now?" Dean asked. When Castiel didn't answer he took that as a yes. He sighed and sat up. Castiel groaned in protest, looking at Dean with pained eyes.
"If you're human than you need to start acting a bit more human because you need to look after your body now," Dean told him. Castiel looked down at his lap, looking embarrassed.
"I do feel a... a pressure in my lower abdomen," he mumbled.
"That means you need to pee," Dean told him, "Go to the bathroom and-"
"I know what to do, I was briefly human before, remember?" Castiel said, sounding frustrated. He slowly crawled out of bed and made his way over to the bathroom, leaning on everything he could on the way there. He looked ready to collapse.
Dean sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his face, not knowing what to do. He looked at the closed bathroom door and sighed. He got up and quickly got dressed. When Castiel didn't come out after an appropriate amount of time, Dean knocked on the door.
"You ok Cas?" He asked. He got no reply so opened the door.
Castiel was standing in front of the mirror shirtless and turned around so he was looking at his back in the mirror. Tears were rolling down his cheeks but he was making no noise.
"What's wrong?" Dean asked, going to his side. There was nothing on his back, just pale skin and dimples at the bottom of his back that Dean had a sudden impulse to run his fingers over.
"My wings," Castiel whispered, his voice wrecked with sobs, "They're...gone."
He sat down on the toilet lid and covered his face with his arm, his other arm crawling around to try and touch his back, feeling for something that wasn't there. He folded himself up, as if trying to disappear.
"Humans don't have wings," Dean told him, going over and placing a hand on his shaking shoulder. Castiel stayed silent, but he was still crying.
"Come on, Cas," Dean said, not knowing how to comfort the fallen angel, "Being human is not that bad."
Castiel didn't reply, just kept on crying. The sound of the door opening and closing caught Dean's attention.
"Hey," Sam's voice rang through the doorway.
"In here," Dean yelled. Sam came in and looked startled as he spotted Castiel curled into a ball on the toilet seat.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Cas realised he has no more wings," Dean told him, squeezing Castiel's shoulder silently.
"Well, I got breakfast," Sam said, trying to sound cheerful.
"Let's go eat, Cas," Dean said, gently. Castiel shook his head.
"Come on," Dean said, kneeling down so he was level with him. Sam walked back into the main room to leave them alone.
Dean pulled Castiel's arms away from his face and back and noticed that there was blood on his hand.
"Cas, what the hell?" Dean asked and then stood up and looked at Castiel's back. There were scratch marks down his back, not deep but still bleeding.
"Why did you do that?" Dean asked, getting some tissue to wipe away the blood.
Castiel didn't speak through. His tears had stopped and he was staring into space again.
"Come on, put your shirt back on," Dean said, suddenly feeling like a parent. Castiel did as he was told, wincing silently as the fabric touched his broken skin. Dean pulled him up and Castiel fell forward from the sudden movement. Dean caught him and Castiel ended up resting against his chest, his hands curling in Dean's shirt to clutch it tightly. Dean's eyes softened and he reached up to run his thumb underneath Castiel's eye, wiping away some of the tears.
"It's all going to be ok, Cas," Dean said quietly. Castiel let out a breath, like he was relieved. They stayed like that for a moment, hugging for more then was socially acceptable for everyone who was just friends, but Dean couldn't bring himself to care. It was actually quite nice.
But he broke the hug eventually and gently led Castiel out of the bathroom by placing a hand on his shoulder, and leading him to small table where Sam had set out pancakes that he had got from the local diner.
Dean dug in, pouring syrup from a packet onto them and stuffing his face. He soon noticed that Castiel hadn't touched his.
"You're skin and bone, Cas, eat your pancakes," Dean told him through a mouthful of his own. Castiel shook his head and Dean sighed, popping the last of his breakfast in his mouth. After swallowing his food, he moved his chair over to Castiel's side, ignoring Sam's stare.
"I'll feed you if I have to," Dean told him. The Angel didn't react, just staring blankly at his plate.
"Fine," Dean sighed, forking some pancake and holding up the fork to Castiel's mouth. Castiel clutched his jaw tightly before closing his eyes and opening his mouth so Dean could feed him.
It took forever and a lot of pleading from Dean, but finally Castiel finished the pancakes. Dean was reminded of the times when he was younger and fed Sam his dinner.
"Wasn't too hard, was it?" Dean smiled, standing up and throwing the paper plates in the bin. Castiel didn't speak.
"I'll be back in a minute," Dean told him, before leaving the motel room to talk to Sam, who was loading the car.
"So where are we going?" Sam asked as Dean approached.
"Bobby's cabin where I healed my leg," Dean told him, "Just until we can sort Cas out."
"We don't have time to be hanging around there, we still need to stop Dick," Sam said.
"I know that but we can't just leave him," Dean growled, "He won't even eat, he wouldn't last long."
"What about Daphne?" Sam asked and Dean looked at him, confused.
"His wife?" Sam said, "Maybe she would be able to look after him better."
"No," Dean said, rejecting the plain outright.
"Dean..." Sam started.
"No!" Dean said, "I'm not leaving him with some stranger with no protection."
"She isn't a stranger to him," Sam tried to reason. Dean clutched his jaw.
"We are getting nowhere with Dick; it won't hurt to keep low for now," Dean told him firmly, closing the matter. He slammed the trunk closed and went back to the motel room.
Castiel was now lying on the bed, his back away from the door and curled into a ball.
"Cas," Dean said, his tone soften. He went beside the bed and knelt down to look at Castiel, who stared right through him.
"Cas," he said again, reaching out to stroke his hair back off his face. At the touch, Castiel gave a soft sigh and closed his eyes.
"We're leaving now, we are going to go somewhere safe but you have to get dressed," Dean told him, "I'm going to get you some old clothes of mine."
Castiel just nodded, sitting up on the bed. Dean grabbed him a blue shirt and some old jeans, along with a pair of boxers and socks. Castiel took them without comment and walked to the bathroom to get changed.
Dean made himself busy by packing up the rest of the room, keeping an ear out for any issues in the bathroom. He didn't want Castiel to hurt himself again.
Once Castiel was ready, he came out of the bathroom looking extremely cute in Dean's too big shirt. He was shivering though so Dean gave him his favourite hoodie to wear. The one Dean wears when he isn't feeling well, and found him a spare pair of trainers.
"We'll get you your own clothes soon, okay," Dean told him. Castiel just nodded. They got settled in the car while Sam checked out.
Soon they were on the road and the journey was quiet. Sam was still sulking about taking a time out for a little while, Castiel just stared out of the window and Dean drove. He was never good with silences though so his music was playing. He softly sang along with Led Zeppelin to distract himself from the tension on the car.
They wanted to get to the cabin as quickly as possible so Sam slept for a few hours before taking over the wheel in the night. Dean climbed into the back as Castiel was whimpering in his sleep again.
The former Angel, as if sensing Dean's presence, curled towards him and rested his head on Dean's thigh. Dean stroked his hair, a sad smile on his lips, before leaning his head against the window and falling asleep.
I wrote this after a saw 7x17 and I thought this would be a good ending to that sorry. I know it turned out completely different. I have finished this story and I am going to try and post all the chapters asap.
Please review :D