I was watching S9 'Secrets', you know, the one with the superheroes and Wendy, and Ziva's comment wouldn't leave my head so I finally wrote this down. Hope you like it :)

"Do you ever get the feeling he enjoys getting smacked on the head?" Ziva wondered as they walked towards the elevator.

"I'd rather not think about it." McGee answered as he suppressed a shiver.

Tony pretended he didn't hear them and glanced at Gibbs. The older man didn't appear to have heard them but then again, you never know with the guy. They'd just gotten a case, two dead guys in some flower shop and Tony looked forward to the distraction. Luckily, Ziva dropped the subject after they'd gotten in the van.

After that the case had quickly spun out of control. One minute they were standing in a flower shop and the next he was facing Wendy in the corridor. Countless thoughts ran through his mind as he was informed of his new liaison position. Normally he could put aside whatever bothered him fairly quickly but he couldn't seem to get rid of the hurt that had wormed its way into his heart and settled there. Why would Gibbs do this to him?

He ran up the stairs towards the Director's office and was just able to grab Gibbs' arm. He ignored Wendy's presence and her obvious curiosity and pointed her in the general direction of the conference room.

"Boss, can I talk to you for a second? I'm Wendy's liaison? What were you thinking? You went there when it went south. I can't –"

Gibbs glanced down and stared at Tony's hand, willing the man to loosen his grip and let go altogether. Tony jerked it away is if he'd burned himself. The silver haired man slapped a file in his hands and descended the rest of the stairs, leaving a confused and irritated Tony behind.

"I was right. It's good to see you." Wendy smiled. His smile was forced but she didn't notice and if she did, she ignored it. Whatever it was, it should have insulted him but he didn't feel anything.

"It's good to see you too." Just tell her whatever she wants to hear, ask your questions and get out of here.

He watched her smile, noticed how she absentmindedly played with her hair to get his attention. He remembered how he'd felt about her when he proposed. Maybe it hadn't been the most passionate relationship but she'd made him feel… content. Grounded. In hindsight, he didn't know whether it was the loveless childhood he'd had or his low self-esteem but he'd seen her as his shot at happiness, maybe the only one. He'd asked her to spend the rest of their lives together based on a vague fear of having to be alone.

Then Danny had screwed him over and it had hurt so much he couldn't see himself recovering from this. He'd canceled his date with Wendy that night, had brushed off her concerns and suggestion to come over and drunk himself into a stupor. After half a bottle martini and a couple of beers, he'd wondered what he would do if Wendy left him. It was a strange thing; for some reason that thought didn't hurt half as bad as his partner Danny had.

It just doesn't hurt because it's not real. Wendy's still here.

At that moment, she'd called him and he'd felt an irrational irritation towards her. Why couldn't she leave him alone? He'd just lost the most important person in his life and – wait. Suddenly all the booze had seemed to have left his system and an odd sense of clarity had come over him.

He'd thought of Danny. Thought of his partner's smile when he brought him a donut and cup of coffee in the morning. Thought of his own smile when Danny suggested they order in and watch a movie after a hard day's work. The realization had made him jump up from the couch and he'd knocked over his beer in the process.

"Holy shit!" he'd cursed. Was that how being attracted to someone, how being in love was supposed to feel? No. No, no, no, no. NO! But he knew it was futile and the distressed pacing around the living room wouldn't change how he felt. He'd stopped abruptly and jerked his head towards the coffee table when his cell rang again. He prepared himself to brush of Wendy when he frowned at the screen. It was that guy from the case, that navy cop. What the hell did he want? He briefly recalled straddling the guy and his head fell forward as his dick twitched. This couldn't be happening

Tony barely kept in a snort at the memory – he'd given up the pretense of doubting his own sexuality when he'd left Baltimore – and pretended to listen to Wendy when he'd escorted her back to the her mother's house. He'd kissed her and hadn't even pretended to be surprised when she'd left him completely indifferent.

She told him she was ready to meet the one, he'd silently agreed with her. Only she was thinking about him as she said the words and he was… well, not thinking about her, that's for sure.

He watched her close the front door and sighed as his head dropped back against the car seat. He needed a drink, now more than anything. A few minutes later he found himself sitting at the bar in a small club near his apartment. He downed the first three glasses of Bourbon and shrugged at the raised eyebrow from the bartender.

He motioned for the guy to fill up his glass again and this time he nursed the drink, enjoying how the liquid burned its way down his throat. For what felt like the millionth time today, he thought back to Gibbs. The anger rose in his chest again as he remembered how his boss had set him up. Why the hell had he chosen him for the position?

He doesn't know why it all went wrong.

Maybe Gibbs wanted to help them get past this, wanted them to reconcile and be happy. The thought of Gibbs driving him into someone's arms that aren't his, hurt. Which was crazy because the older man didn't even know the first thing about his true feelings. Tony considered them friends but he never once thought that bringing up his feelings for his boss was a good idea, for the obvious reasons of rule twelve and the older man being as straight as an arrow. Still, Gibbs had had no reason to confront him with Wendy, most of all because he denied everyone the right to interfere with his life.

"One more!"

The bartender shook his head. "You'll have to give me your keys if you plan on drinking more."

Tony huffed and threw down some bills on the bar before making his way through the crowd and out of the bar. The fresh air sobered him up somewhat and he called a cab. Just as he was about to say his address, he found himself telling the cab driver Gibbs'. It was a short drive, not enough to change his angry mind and it made him blunt enough to throw open the door.

He was about to stride towards the basement when he heard someone clear their throat and he jerked his head towards the lumpy couch where Gibbs sat, an eyebrow raised, in demand of answers. His boss is wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants and from the way his hair is tousled, Tony guesses he'd been sleeping peacefully until two minutes ago. The anger dissipates like snow in the sun and he slumps down on the coffee table in front of Gibbs, burying his face in his hands.

"What's wrong, Tony?" Gibbs kept himself from reaching out and covering the younger man's hands with his.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Tony sighed and the pleading look in his eyes told Gibbs he was serious.

"Did something go wrong with Wendy?"

"Yes Gibbs!", Tony suddenly cried out, "something went wrong with Wendy, ten years ago. Why did you throw me for the wolves like that?"

Gibbs backed away a little, not having expected Tony's outburst. The younger man looked guilty immediately and he reached out, as if trying to keep Gibbs close to him. His hand froze in the air and fell beside him. They both look away for a moment and Tony mustered all his courage to keep going.


It took a minute for the older man to answer. When he did, his voice sounded strained.

"I don't know, I – You just looked like the right person. Tim wouldn't have pushed her enough… Ziva… Ziva might've been too hostile…" he grew quiet and eventually stopped talking altogether.

"You could've done it." Tony tried not to make it sound like a recrimination and his eyes narrowed when Gibbs huffed out a laugh.

"No… I would have been too impatient."

"And how's that any different from the usual Gibbs?"

Gibbs smiled and shrugged. "I just thought you would want to be the one to talk to her when she came to NCIS. It's been nine years, can't you fix what happened?"

Tony laughed but it didn't contain any humor. "Not really something you can fix."

After a few moments of silence, he looked up to find Gibbs staring at him, obviously expecting an explanation as to why it was impossible to fix.

"I'm gonna go. Didn't mean to wake you up." Not the exact words of an apology but an apology nonetheless. He got up and Gibbs stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

"Did you drive here?"


"Tony. I'm sorry, okay?" Tony's eyes grew wide as he heard the older man's apology, which sounded exactly like an apology, complete with a sorry and everything.

Tony sighed tiredly. "Nothing to be sorry for Gibbs. I screwed it up long ago, before it even started." He smiled sadly and eventually sat back down on the coffee table. Gibbs motioned for Tony to join him on the couch and got them two mugs and a bottle of Bourbon – the good kind. Tony tried not to think of the sentiment behind the gesture and emptied his mind as he swallowed the amber liquid.

Five drinks later, the clarity from before was gone and Tony almost giggled when Gibbs came closer to fill up his glass.

"Tony", the older man asked in the husky voice that always went straight to Tony's cock, "why can't you fix it?"

For a moment, it looked like Tony was about to answer and reveal his innermost secrets to his boss, but then he frowned and laughed.

"You got me drunk, you are… bad. Bad boy…" he gave Gibbs a playful push against his shoulder and lost his own balance in the process.

Gibbs shook his head and ignored the urge to tug the younger man against his chest and console him for everything that had gone wrong in his entire life, starting with Wendy. Suddenly the Italian raised his head and their eyes met.

"I wish I could go back." He whispered, never losing contact with the steel blue eyes that stared down at him.

What did he mean? Back to Baltimore?

"Why? What would you change?" It wasn't Gibbs' intention to whisper but he didn't seem to find his voice so it came out as a breathy sigh.

Tony stared at him and Gibbs didn't know whether seconds or minutes ticked by. Just when he thought Tony wasn't going to say any more, the younger man seemed to find the courage necessary to answer.

"I wouldn't let you go after I captured and tackled you." Tony's dick twitched again and he laughed at the absurdity of it. Leave it to this man to be the only one able to evoke such passion coursing through his veins. He didn't know when laughing turned into crying and suddenly he found himself shaking with Gibbs' strong arms surrounding him and holding him as the never-ending stream of tears rolled down his cheeks, wetting the older man's T-shirt.

"I wanna be happy." He forced the words over his lips. Gibbs realized that the younger man had been running away from this for as long as they'd known each other and the thought nearly broke his heart. He tugged Tony closer and pressed a soft kiss on his brown strands. Tony nuzzled closer to him and Gibbs was not at all surprised by his sudden urge to protect the man from everything that had and would come his way.

Suddenly, Tony seemed to realize what was going on and he nearly jumped out of Gibbs' arms.

"God, I'm sorry, Gibbs. I mean no, I'm not sorry. Well, I am sorry but not apologizing –"


"Sign of weakness and all. Shit, I'm really drunk."


"Yes, Boss!" the salute was completely uncoordinated and it became a silly wave. He stumbled on ohis feet and fell back down onto the couch. The disorientation caused him to glance around and he looked surprised to find Gibbs sitting next to him.

"Hi there." the silver haired man smirks. "Let's get you to bed."

"I like that idea", Tony grinned as he let his fingers travel up Gibbs' chest. Gibbs intertwined their fingers and gave them a soft squeeze before standing up and tugging Tony along with him. After what felt like an eternity, he finally got his Agent up the stairs and into bed. He pulled the younger man's sweater over his head and laughed when Tony mirrored his movement and tugged at the hem of his T-shirt.

"No, no." he smiled at Tony's disappointed pout and suppressed the urge to kiss it off his lips. He finished undressing the man to his boxers and then guided him under the covers. Tony protested when he noticed Gibbs wasn't joining him but he was asleep in mere seconds.

Tony woke up slowly and as his eyes fluttered open and the sunlight streamed into the room, the pounding in his head started.

"Fuck!" he cursed loudly. Then, when the memories of the previous night came back to him and he remember declaring his love for his boss, he cursed again. He jerked his head towards the door when he heard a snort and immediately regretted it as the headache only worsened. He covered his eyes as if it would make the pain go away.

He refused to look at Gibbs and sighed when he felt the mattress dip and Gibbs sat down on the bed. The older man didn't say anything and eventually, Tony's hate for silence won over his embarrassment. He peeked at Gibbs through his fingers and when he saw the older man's smirk, he let his hand fall beside him on the bed.

"Aspirin?" Gibbs teased as he handed him a glass of water and a pill.

Tony accepted it gratefully and the silence between them stretched out.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked eventually. "Do you remember anything?"

Tony stared at him. The man was giving him a way out.

"No, I don't." He averted his eyes. Coward. He didn't know whether Gibbs was disappointed or relieved and he couldn't bear to look the man in the eyes so he started glancing around the room in search of his clothes.

"Want some breakfast?" Gibbs got up from the bed and Tony instantly missed the closeness.

"No thanks", he answered as he got out of bed and pulled on his jeans.

"Hey", he called out as Gibbs moved to leave the room. The older man turned back around and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Where did you toss my shirt?"

For a long moment, Gibbs just stared at him and Tony suppressed the urge to fidget. For some reason the older man looked hurt.

"How did you know I undressed you?"


"I – I was probably too drunk to do it myself and – "

Gibbs sighed and pointed behind Tony. He turned back around to walk out of the room and once again, Tony called him back.

"What!" Gibbs cried out and Tony stepped back involuntarily. Gibbs scrubbed a hand over his face and he appeared tired all of a sudden. Had he gotten any sleep on that lumpy couch?

"Why would you want me to remember this?" Tony uttered, barely above a whisper. Gibbs didn't look as if he was gonna dignify that with an answer and Tony wished he hadn't said anything. He hated that his boss always had the advantage of being able to read him like a book.

"Tony, why didn't you marry Wendy?" Gibbs sighed.

"Because I'm gay." Tony retorted drily. He laughed all of a sudden and dropped down on the bed with a look of amazement on his face. "God, it's been nine years and you're the first one I've told. You're… "

He fell silent as Gibbs approached him until they were mere feet apart. If he reached out, his fingertips could stroke the older man's chest. The older man didn't look at all shocked but then again, he'd made his attraction to Gibbs pretty clear last night.

"What?" A finger under his chin made him look up and his breath hitched when he realized how close they were.

"God, you're… You're everything." He whispered and closed his eyes, afraid of the inevitable blow.

Gibbs dipped his head and his lips found Tony's in a soft kiss. Their lips barely touched and Tony's eyes flew open to check if this was, in fact, really happening. His arms encircled Gibbs' waist and he let himself fall down on the mattress, tugging Gibbs along with him. The older man let out a surprised yelp and as Tony laughed, he suddenly had the idea that it would all be okay. One of his hands traveled up to Gibbs' neck where he gently squeezed before smashing their lips together in a raw and heated kiss. He let out a moan when Gibbs nibbled his lips and opened them, letting their tongues brush together. He cupped the older man's neck, forcing them even closer together until Gibbs jerked back and stared down at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this if it's is a onetime thing.", Gibbs panted.

The force of the head slap delivered by Tony smashed their lips back together and he grabbed the older man, rolling them over. He cupped Gibbs' hardening cock through his sweatpants and gave it a squeeze, reveling in the way the older man thrust up into his hand without hesitation. The Italian laid down beside Gibbs and jerked his sweatpants down, moaning when he found out the older man wasn't wearing anything underneath. He swallowed hard when he took Gibbs' thick cock in a tight fist and slowly started stroking him, rubbing his thumb across the head.

Gibbs threw his head back and moaned loudly when Tony's pace quickened and all too soon, he felt the inevitable release start to build. His breathing grew ragged and he opened his mouth to warn Tony when the younger man nuzzled his neck and pressed a soft kiss right under his ear. He sucked the pulse point, bit his ear lobe and whispered words that propelled Gibbs over the edge.

"I love you Jethro. Come for me."

Gibbs exploded with an animalistic cry and hot spurts of cum coated Tony's hand and their chests. The younger man kept pressing soft kisses to every spot he could reach. Jethro turned his face and captured Tony's lips in a searing kiss, effectively melting the younger man entirely.

Tony is grinning like an idiot at Gibbs' blissful smile.

"Good?" he asked with a wink.

"Yeah, it's just… we gotta talk about something." The smile was gone now and Tony's heart skipped a beat.

Then Gibbs used the opportunity to throw the younger man down and tickled him until he screamed.

"A head slap? Really?"

The end! Hope you liked it! Reviews would be awesome! X LM