Marie Mjolnir was, for all of her little flaws, an intelligent woman. But, for the life of her, she could not work out the best tactic for the task she was about to undertake.
There were several paths she could take; paths which had worked on men in the past. But, this man was different. That was what made him so intriguing and so damn attractive.
Marie knew normal techniques wouldn't work on him. Usually, she's just give a cute little giggle and blink her eyelashes and she'd have a man on his knees. But she'd been living with Stein for months now, and she'd done those things and evoked no reaction within the man.
She decided that the only chance she had was to go all out. And Marie was never one to do things by halves.
Unfortunately for Marie, this trait was going to be more hindrance than help. And, even more unfortunately, when Marie set her mind to something, she completely immersed herself in it. So, Marie was blind to her over-the-top approach.
However, blissfully aware, she did it anyway.
Plan A: Use my, ahem, 'assets' to distract Stein from his research. I'm sure it's a lot more exciting than whatever he's doing, anyway.
"Oh, Stein?" Marie's voice rang, soft and warm, through the living area of the laboratory, breaking the cold, pragmatic silence. A click of Stein's bolt called back as response. Marie sighed and adjusted herself, walking across to where Stein continued to tap away at his computer. She walked to the side of the desk, leaning down and chewing nervously on her lip.
"Marie?" he looked at her, and in a millisecond, analysed what was before him. Marie was wearing a tank top, despite it being the dead of Autumn, and was currently pressing her shoulders together and arching her back ever so slightly.
It seemed odd. But, each to their own.
"What are you doing, Stein?" Marie asked. Stein nonchalantly turned his gaze back, to his computer screen.
"Not much." he replied. Marie sighed.
"So…" she left him open for response.
"Aren't you cold?" he asked. Marie furrowed her brow.
"No! I mean… a little…" Marie changed her tactic halfway through the conversation.
Plan A (revised): Complain that I'm cold. Then, cuddles?
Even Marie knew that plan was doomed to fail. Really? Cuddles?
Her fears were confirmed when Stein swiftly removed the labcoat from the back of his chair, throwing it carelessly over the hammer.
"Sorry." he droned, continuing to type as Marie pulled the labcoat off of her head.
"Uh… thanks." Marie said, folding the labcoat over her arm and waltzing out of the room in defeat.
Plan A: Failure. Back to the drawing board.
Marie was focused on the task at hand, ignoring her earlier failure and deciding on a more… overt approach.
Plan B: Take dinner dishes to sink. Won't it be awful when something falls off of the plate and down my shirt whilst my hands are preoccupied? Someone's going to have to get it out for me.
Marie was almost disgusted at the desperate lengths she was going to, and this was only plan B.
But, she figured; Stein was a doctor. He had an obligation to help if Marie was in sheer, unadulterated agony because of a stray leftover, right?
Probably not. But, Marie thought it was worth a shot.
The first trick of this plan would be to get Stein to actually eat. He was usually so immersed in his research that he didn't bother to eat.
Marie's powers of persuasion, also known as the subtle technique of waving her transformed forearm in Stein's face when he declined the food, got him to dinner.
After a little while of small talk, they had both finished eating. it was time for Marie to put her plan into action.
"Was it okay?" Marie asked, taking Stein's plate from in front of him.
"Of course." Stein replied, standing up and pushing in his chair.
"Okay." Marie smiled, taking her dish and stacking it on top of Stein's.
"Do you want me to-"
"No! I mean… I've got it." Marie smiled. Out of the corner of her eye as she walked away, Marie made sure of one thing. She made sure Stein stayed in hearing distance. She made sure he was close enough to hear the…
"Marie?" Stein called. Marie waited for the scientist to come out to the kitchen before beginning to fret.
"Ah, Stein, I just, I stumbled, and there's food down my… help!" Marie leant herself forward ever so slightly.
She had to try ever so hard not to look disappointed when Stein took the plates from her. After mentally jump-starting one more, she pulled the stray food out herself.
"Thanks, Stein." she tried to sound relieved.
"I've got these." Stein said, walking off behind Marie.
What was she thinking? Of course Stein wasn't just going to go and shove his hand down the front of her shirt! He may have been sadistic, but he could be disgustingly polite and formal when he wanted to be.
"Try again, Mjolnir." Marie told herself, mentally.
Plan B: Failure… for obvious reasons.
Plan C: Be a good little roommate and clean some of Stein's beakers for him. It's going to be a shame when that darn tap plays up again and gets my shirt all wet.
"Marie, have you seen my-" Stein walked into the kitchen to the sound of running water. Marie was in there, wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to her elbows and shorts.
"Oh! Stein! I'm just cleaning these beakers for you. They were getting awfully dusty." Marie blinked twice.
"Okay… thanks." he said, slightly awkwardly, before walking out of the room. Marie grinned to herself and set aside the beaker she was currently washing and turned on the tap full blast. The lukewarm water, as usual, sprayed all over the sink and halfway across the kitchen.
Today was the one day that Marie was thankful Stein was a world-class procrastinator and wouldn't get the plumbers in.
"Ah… damn." Marie said, her voice raised as she walked past Stein. He swivelled on his chair and raised an eyebrow.
"Marie?" he asked. Marie looked down at her sopping wet, see through shirt and sighed.
"That stupid tap." she said, pulling the shirt to just under her assets and ringing it out slightly. She hoped that the lacy yellow bra that she had worn under the now transparent shirt was catching the scientist's eye.
But, that infernal clinical politeness showed through once more.
"Here. You'll catch your death of cold." Stein walked behind Marie and wrapped the labcoat around her shoulders.
"Well," she thought, as Stein's hands left her shoulders, "I suppose this is mild progress. He doesn't want me to die of a cold. That's good… right?"
Plan C: Uh… yeah, that's a failure.
Plan D: Okay. Sitting down at a desk and marking endless tests is hard on the back. Maybe a nice doctor friend with an intimate knowledge of the human anatomy could help me… work out the kinks?
"Uhn…" Marie mumbled to herself as she arched her back, stretching her arms above her head. Marie's uncomfortable murmurs pried Stein from his computer screen.
"What's the matter?" he asked, the click of his bolt reverberating through the room.
"My back, that's what the matter is." Marie said, still straining in 'pain.' Stein exhaled and stood up, crossing his arms.
"Where does it hurt?" Stein asked. Marie raised an eyebrow and tried to think quickly.
"My lover back. Around here." Marie ran her hands around her lower back, just onto her hips. Stein nodded and scratched the back of his neck.
"Okay… Where are you in your menstrual cycle?" Stein asked. Marie's eyes widened and she nearly throttled the silver-haired doctor.
"What? What does that have to do with anything, Stein?" Marie exclaimed, fists clenched.
"Well, desk work tends to strain centrally, along the spine. You say your pain radiates around the base of your back. It's reasonable to assume that you're simply two to three days away from your period." Stein said. Marie furrowed her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips.
"Uh, yeah, well… it hurts along my spine too, a bit…" she trailed off. Oh, Death, any other man would have realised what she was trying to do.
But no. Not her scientific, period tracker of a housemate.
"Oh, alright. Well, in that case…" Stein walked over to Marie, and she took a sharp breath in. He pressed his hands to her lower back and his thumbs into her spine.
"Ow! Stein, what are you doing?" Marie exclaimed.
"It hurts there?" Stein asked. Marie groaned and nodded – now it really hurt. Great, she hadn't gotten anything out of this plan so far but a bad back.
"Okay… what about here?" Stein parted his hands slightly, his thumbs digging into the flesh either side of her spine.
"Geez – yes, that hurts, stop!" Marie groaned. Stein nodded and dropped his hands to his sides.
"It's not desk work." Stein said.
"Then what is it?" Marie exclaimed. Stein sighed and crossed his arms.
"Well, put it this way – you're almost certainly not pregnant. As should be evident to you in two to three days." Stein said.
"Alright, Stein, I get it – How do I fix my back?" Marie asked. Now she was serious – she was in pain.
"Take two paracetamol and get yourself a hot water bottle." Stein said, patting Marie gently on the shoulder and walking out of the room.
Plan D: Is there something worse than failure? Because if there is, that's what this plan ended in.
Plan E: Right, this is it. This is everything I have in my entire being being poured into one, seductive plan. It's too ingenious to even write down.
Her makeup was done perfectly, her eyepatch slanted just so. Her hair fell over her shoulders in a particular manner and her shirt was definitely two sizes too small.
She flicked her hair gently, blinking twice and pouting gently at the mirror before walking out into the living room.
This was it. This was the plan that was going to make him love her – was going to make Franken Stein love her – and give him the need to take her up against the wall and ravish her and –
She was getting ahead of herself. She shook her head and exhaled, walking out to Stein's desk. But… he wasn't there?
"Stein? Where are you?" she called.
She listened carefully and heard a clicking noise, but it was not Stein's bot. It sounded more like a wrench of some sort.
Marie decided to investigate. She checked in the bathroom, toilet and bedroom, but there was no silver-haired scientist to be seen. She then decided to go and look in the kitchen.
And her jaw dropped. She, literally, gaped at the sight she was witnessing.
She wasn't sure why she was gaping more – she didn't know if it was the fact that Stein had actually gotten around to fixing the sink…
Or the fact that he was doing it shirtless.
"… Stein?" she squeaked. Stein sat up, ducking so he didn't hit his head on the cupboard. He stretched his arms out and then back behind his head – flexing his muscles like nobody's business – and looked up at the blonde.
"Yes?" Stein asked.
"… What are you doing?" Marie asked. Stein hid his smirk and stood up, walking over to Marie, where coincidentally his chest – his chiselled, manly, oh-so-strokable chest – was at her eye line.
"Just clearing your pipes. Why?" he asked.
Wait, what did he say?
"You're clearing whose pipes?" Marie asked.
"The ones you asked me to. To fix the taps and the sink." Stein replied. Marie looked up at him.
"Then why did you say… my pipes?" Marie asked. Stein raised his eyebrows and smirked.
"I don't know what on Earth you're talking about." Stein turned on his heel, but Marie huffed and crossed her arms, and Stein couldn't resist. He turned back to her and clasped his hands together.
"Or we could cut right to the chase, hey?" he said. Marie's eyes widened and she realised Stein was backing her against the wall.
"Oh, what was that? You don't have enough money to pay me for my services? Well… isn't that just a shame." Stein's voice dropped ot a low whisper and Marie squealed, pushing the now laughing scientist away.
"What are you doing – what is wrong with you?" Marie exclaimed. Stein contained his laughed and smirked at the frazzled blonde.
"Oh, come on, Marie. Who do you think I am?" Stein asked. Marie raised an eyebrow and Stein sighed, crossing his arms and clearing his throat.
"Oh, Stein, It's Autumn and I just happen to be wearing a tight tank top," Stein's voice was a couple of octaves higher – he was obviously imitating Marie, "Oh, no, Stein, my white shirt that goes transparent if I get water on it got water on it!"
Marie growled, clenched her fists and grit her teeth, causing Stein to laugh in response.
"Marie," he began, "what in your right mind made you think that using garish porn tropes was going to make me more attracted to you than actually telling me how you felt?"
She was truly stumped.
"Well… Idon'tknow." Marie murmured. Stein bit back laughter, for he could see his weapon was embarrassed enough already. He walked over to her and slung his arm around her shoulder, gently hugging the shocked weapon.
"How about we start again, hey?" Stein asked. Marie looked up at Stein and nodded.
"Okay." she mumbled. Stein smirked and leant down, kissing her gently on the forehead, causing her to blush.
"I'm going to put a shirt on." Stein said. Marie nodded and clasped her hands.
"Okay." she replied. Stein smirked and shook his head, walking out of the room. Marie took a large breath in and span around, flopping down onto the nearest chair and giggling.
Plan E: Half-naked hugs and a forehead kiss?
I'd call that plan a success!