Inspired by the song 'If You Don't Mean It' by Dean Geyer. I've been in a bit of a Full Metal Panic! and Full Metal Alchemist kick recently, they both have two military couples I love with the same commanding officer and subordinate type taboo that is really fun to explore.
Don't say you love me
I don't believe it
Don't say the words
If you don't mean it
It wasn't exactly comfortable, but they had slept in worse conditions than this. He remembered one cold night, Russia he thought, though it might have been Poland. Huddled in that old shack, he swore the walls only kept the cold in better.
Couldn't do anything about it though, blizzard struck and they were trapped. Kurz hummed in thought, how many years ago was that now. Three? Four? Oh well, Mao shifted a little, her ass must be falling asleep. Kurz adjusted in response, it was how nights like this always went. Hiding out in the dirty motel room, waiting for dawn and their ride home. They sat in the middle of the bed, back to back. She faced the window, while he had his eyes trained on the door.
It was starting to get too personal these days. When Sousuke was around he had been a buffer, cut through the tension and didn't even realize it was there. Kurz didn't know how to feel about the way things were, just the two of them.
Mao was quiet, lost in her own thoughts. Was this a good time? They were alone, but this probably wasn't what she had in mind. He was finding it hard to breathe, funny how he could calmly face so many things, death, war, but the prospect of saying three words terrified him.
"Babe?" he asked tentatively.
"I- I just wanted to tell you that I-"
"Don't." Kurz shut up and turned his head to look at his commanding officer. He wondered what was wrong; didn't matter, she wasn't going to tell him. It drove him crazy trying to second guess what she was thinking.
For now, he kept it quiet.
Kurz was trying to think of a good way to talk to Mao, to get the words out. He couldn't ask the men and Sosuke was a definite 'no' on the advice department. Guy didn't realize he and Kaname were involved let alone know how to tell a woman his feelings.
He eventually came to the conclusion to talk to the women in his life, his comrades and friends. Tessa was a big fan of being romantic, she offered the suggestion to write a poem and leave it on her desk with flowers. Where he was supposed to find flowers on a sub he did not know, but with the captain's prodding he sat down and put pen to paper.
"I don't know what to write," he whined, staring at the blank page and wishing Kaname had answered her phone. She was practical, probably would've had a good idea. He wouldn't have to hide who he was talking about either, she wouldn't care about the fact that Mao was his commanding officer.
"A poem is easy, it's like writing a list or recipe of what you feel. Go on, you can do it." With a groan Kurz got started, he could flirt with the best of them, but putting it in writing? That was a whole different story, and this was Mao; she wasn't like most girls. Any of his usual stuff she'd brush off as him being his usual 'play boy' self. Didn't matter that Kurz hadn't gotten laid in... oh god, months. He didn't even want to think about how long it had been since he'd gotten any.
A good hour passed before Kurz finally declared his feeble attempt finished.
"Good, let's hear it then!" Tessa said clapping her hands eagerly. With a sigh he picked up the sheet and cleared his throat, reading the lines he hadn't scribbled out.
"One cup of sweet thoughts,
Two ounces of laughter,
A pound of kisses,
A pinch of disaster,
A spoonful of recovery,
A few pints of forgiveness,
A dash of damnation,
Another pint of forgiveness.
This is a recipe
For a love strong and true.
If you'll be my Ramsey,
I'll be your fondue."
The pair sat in silence for a moment, Kurz could feel his cheeks burning and his palms were sweaty. This was just Tessa and he was already this nervous.
"Maybe poems aren't your thing," Tessa suggested tenderly. Kurz sighed and shoved the paper into his pocket then continued on his search.
"You don't look sick to me," Dr. Goldberry informed him as he entered her office.
"I'm love sick, Peg. I don't know what to do. Please help?" he begged, collapsing at her feet to which the woman laughed heartily.
"Kurz Weber is in love? I never thought I'd see the day. Walk with me to the mess, we'll talk on the way," she said standing and pulling him to his feet. "I say you call her up once we get on some land, take her out on a nice date and tell her. I'm sure she's a nice girl and she's sure to love you too"
"Are you kidding?" Kurz laughed as they left her office. "She's the type that enjoys pointing out every bad thing about me, she's a backseat driver, violent and goddammit is she stubborn! She goes from hot and cold so fast I could get whiplash. She's a bitch!" he exclaimed frustrated. "But, I love her anyway. She's determined and smart and spunky. She's different and that's why I fell for her. And I fell hard, Peg."
"So why don't you tell her all that? Though you might not want to call her a bitch," Peggy laughed. "Women tend to not like being told that."
"Yeah, I guess being straight forward would be best." Kurz broke out into a smile and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Thanks doc, I owe ya one."
Kurz found his sergeant major in the little gym going at the punching bag, a quick glance around the room confirmed they were alone.
"Hey Weber," she said absently. "Wanna go a few rounds?"
"You know I always wanna go a few rounds with you, babe." She smirked at his subtle come on. It was stupid, but the slip into routine set him at ease. "Actually, I just wanted to talk to you."
"Yeah?" She sounded too casual and she didn't look at him, if anything she shifted her stance, obscuring her from his sight. "About what?"
"I just wanted to say, well, to tell you that I-"
"Don't say what I think you're about to say." Kurz winced, her punches had gotten a lot more forceful.
"You don't know what I'm about to say," he tried defending.
"Course I do, I know your dumb ass better than you think. So don't you dare say those words. I'm not one of those stupid bimbos you play around with." She cast him a dark look as she brushed past him, the bag swinging angrily on the hook from her last jab. "I'm not so dumb that I'd actually believe it."
Kurz bounced the tennis ball off the opposite wall of his quarters in the TDD-1 a few weeks after the attempt in the gym. He didn't know what was right or wrong anymore and he just wished someone would let him know.
He knew he should let her go. Let her go and keep playing the stupid game where they flirted and it meant nothing. But he didn't want to now.
Angrily, he stood up and hurled the ball at his bed. He couldn't take this bullshit anymore.
He didn't care that it was late and she was probably sleeping. The rooms of the sub were damn near sound proof, even if he shouted at the top of his lungs the others weren't likely to hear him.
"Mao, let me in!" Kurz demanded, pounding on her door.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?" she asked groggily, opening the door and stepping back to let him inside. As he entered Kurz couldn't help but admire her. Even though she had awful bedhead and wore a ratty tank top and briefs she was still the most beautiful thing he'd seen.
"Melissa," he started, dropping his joking. "I can't keep this to myself anymore, I need to tell you that I-"
"I don't want to hear it," she said sharply, cutting him off. "What will it take to get through that pretty boy head of yours? Want me to tattoo it on your goddamn arm?"
"Don't say the words if you don't mean it," she whispered harshly, looking away. "Just... Keep it inside, I don't want to hear it out in the open. I can live without it."
"Well I can't. I love you, but you seem to have a problem with that!" Kurz yelled, losing his patience. "I don't want your goddamn excuses or pity! I want you." He instantly regretted he actions, that wasn't how he intended to tell her.
"You idiot, don't you get it? Everything will be over if you say shit like that!"
"Melissa, I just want to talk," he tried again.
"What?" she demanded sarcastically, arms crossed and looking doubtful. "You want to talk about our relationship? Since when has Mr. Tag Cover Model and resident man whore ever wanted to just talk with a woman."
"Ever since there only became one woman worth talking to. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you." Kurz carefully pulled his superior into a hug, resting his chin on her shoulder. "And if you gave me a chance you might realize it too."
"You're so stupid," she muttered into his chest.
"Hey, if you think this is stupid you should've heard Tessa's suggestion."
Just a quick little thing. I have plans to put out a series of drabbles based on these two that will be called Seven so keep an eye out for that too.
Reviews = Karma