This was writen for the FAGEtastic Four

Gift for: Jennifer Itlnbrt Garcia / itlnbrt

Summary/Prompt used: "Ye may have a greater prince, but ye shall never have a more loving prince." Elizabeth I

DISCLAIMER: NOTHING is mine. Some research was done but I'm pleading for major leniency here. I swear nothing to be factual.

The Lonely Rain

May, 2009

I slip down farther in my seat praying he doesn't call on me, but I bet he knows that I know all about this subject, but what I bet he doesn't know is how it changed my life.

"Bella, you're familiar with Act 3, Scene 5 of The Lonely Reign, aren't you?" Mr. Jacobs asks.


Suddenly I know, I'm not prepared enough. His words smack me hot across the face. Their significance, their weight, slowly begins to tug me under. His voice as he reads the narration becomes distant and muffled, like my ears are now submerged under the roaring water. The strong tide thrashes against my heart, as if it wasn't broken enough. I quickly slip under the fog of remembrance and the memories begin to suffocate me. I can't answer. I have no breath to speak. All I can do is feel.

And hurt.

Why is this so difficult to get over?

Just as quickly, a door slams in the hall and I flinch. I snap back into reality—into this here and now that I thrive in.

I take a deep breath and nod, hoping he sees me. My fingers try to turn the pages, but they shake uncontrollably. I slap the book closed. My vision blurry from my tears trying to leak and my heartbreak trying to break free.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Calm yourself. It means nothing anymore. He means nothing anymore. You are fine, Bella.

I blink rapidly and look toward the front. Mr. Jacobs isn't even looking at me, so he doesn't notice how I'm frozen and stiff in my chair.

"Ms. Swan, come up here and read it with me. I'll read the part of Lord Dudley and you can read Queen Elizabeth." He settles in front of the class, back resting against his desk. His book is open in his hands. He waits with a smile.

He's unaware of my current circumstances and oblivious to know how this screenplay, these words, and the memories attached to it, cripple me a little more every single time.

Somehow, my legs work, but they are heavy and numb. My body aches with a love lost; my heart drained from fleeting passion; my soul broken enough to only allow one more love in.

I pick up the book and carry it with me just for show. I know this play, this act, this scene, like I know my name. I could recite it in my sleep. It still haunts me in my dreams.

I will never forget.


I stop and watch Mr. Jacobs finger the words as he reads them aloud.

ACT 3, Scene 5

*Lord Robert Dudley: [He grabs her elbow] "May I see thee in private?"

Mr. Jacobs' voice is soft and mousey, not rich and bold like I prefer. The words don't sound like I remember them to sound.

I don't even have to read the part. I look past Mr. Jacobs and focus on a tree outside. I let the words slip and fall. I let them free and pretend they mean nothing.

*Queen Elizabeth: [jerks arm away] "In private?" [Laughs] "Hast thou forgotten, Lord? I am the Queen now, I know not of private any longer."

[Move together to left corner of stage]

*Lord Robert Dudley: [says harshly] "Why would the Queen not take mine hand in marriage? Is my love not worthy of a Queen?"

The vibrant reminder surfaces of his presence so close to me as he spoke his lines and his breath, so damp and hot, as it blanketed and rushed over my skin.

And the way he looked at me...

*Queen Elizabeth: "Stop it! I will not have thee speak to me as so. Love is not the matter. Thine wife, however, is."

As I speak my voice cracks and tears burn my eyes. I taste the saltwater in the back of my throat.

I don't want to go back there, but standing here saying these words... hearing them being spoken back to me... It's almost too much to bear.

I can't help but remember his eyes under those bright stage lights. His lips wet as he spoke. His hand warm as it took mine…

*Lord Robert Dudley: "My Queen, mine wife is ill – she is dying from malady of the breast and after that I will not be married. In the eyes of the Church and the eyes of our God, I will be free to marry my one and only true love. I will finally be free to marry thee."

*Queen Elizabeth: "Ahh, wouldn't one think it smart to marry their true love first?" [walks to center stage] "Thou speakest as though marriage is so simple and so easy. I am the Queen of England, and I cannot marry for love alone, for I am already married to England and thou hast to understand - for me nothing is simple, nor easy."

[He follows her, takes her hand, kisses her knuckles, and kneels before her]

*Lord Robert Dudley: "Thou may find a greater prince, but thou shall never find a more loving prince. I swear of it." [He rests his cheek against her hand before looking up again into her eyes] "On my life."

My book slips from my hands and hits the floor with a loud thump. I can't hold back the flood of emotions any longer.

I run toward the exit, thankful that my bag is setting outside my chair so close to the door on the front row.

As the tears stream down my face I dig for my car keys.

Mr. Jacobs calls my name as I quickly walk down the hall. I don't stop. I can't.

I start-up my car, my chest rising and falling rapidly with hiccups and my heart heavy with sadness.

I'm not sure how I make the short drive home, but as soon as I pull in the driveway and the car is in park, I run toward the house. Rain begins to fall. The tiny pellets splash against my cheeks and mix with my tears.

How appropriate.

I need him. I need to feel his weight in my arms. I need him to make it all better, make me better. I need his unconditional love.

I look over at my mother sitting on the couch. "Where is he?" I cry out through my sobs.

I don't even give her the chance to answer, I instinctively head for his room, pausing briefly before I gently open his door.

I see him in his bed, sleeping, golden hair reflecting the sun that's creeping in through the shut blinds.

Without warning, I hit my knees.

My legs no longer strong enough to hold the weight of my pity.

And I cry, quietly as not to wake the love of my life.

I cry letting the memories and the hurt cover me.

I cry until his soft whimper fills the space around me. I then take that love, that little bundle of joy, and let it cancel out the rest.

"Our tears are what happens when it rains deep inside our hearts and we cannot hold the rain any longer. "