Me: So, it was Klaine Week on Tumblr. Every day had a different... Theme. One day happened to be AU Klaine. So I was inspired to write a fic involving CanniBlaine and Serial Killer Kurt from LilyCrystal's deviantArt comic, Tales of Flesh and Blood.
Fang: And because Saint's obsessed, she stuck me in it.
Me: I always kinda wondered what would happen if you guys met...
Fang: I doubt it would be like this.
Fang: The ending. -.-
Me: Don't spoil it for everyone! Now, where'd I put that... Ah! Here it is!
Where the Disclaimer Is!: I do not own Glee or Maximum Ride. Trust me, things would be a lot more twisted if I did. I don't own the concepts of CanniBlaine or Serial Killer Kurt. These versions of them belong to LilyCrystal and her comic, as mentioned above. I highly suggest looking it up and reading it. Totally worth it. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll WTF. The feels are fantastic.
Fang: Moving on...
Me: -sigh- So impatient! Alright, here we go...
Fang didn't even need to open his eyes to know where he was. The second conciousness crept up on him, he knew where he was. He couldn't mistake that anti-septic smell.
The School. Or something like it.
He was lying on his back, the cold, hard metal behind him giving him a slight chill, even through his feathers. He held back a shiver. Fang didn't dare open his eyes yet. He couldn't tell if anyone else was around him or not, but if there was someone else there, he wasn't ready to let them know he was awake.
"You think he's dead?"
Fang had to remind himself to stay still, the voice surprising him. So there was someone else there.
"No, he's not dead. I know dead. This kid's still breathing."
"Should we try to wake him up, Kurtsie?"
"Actually, I think he's already awake." The owner of the second voice said, giving Fang a nudge on the shoulder. "Aren't you?"
Fang bolted upright, using his hands to push him as far back as he could to get away from these two strangers. His wings ended up meshed into a set of metal bars. They were in a cage.
"Whoa, dude, chill!" said the owner of the first voice. Fang's eyes darted to the left, spotting a teen dressed in a blue blazer with dark, curly hair and, Fang noticed, perfectly triangular eyebrows.
"It's safe, I promise." he said, his voice soothing.
"Well, for now, at least." said the other boy. He was tall and skinny with blonde hair, cold blue eyes, and a pale face that made Fang think of a porcelain doll. He sat with his arms crossed, drumming his fingers on one arm and staring at Fang like he was a cat and Fang was this cute little mouse that he'd just decided to make his new toy.
"Who are you guys?" Fang asked, trying to calm himself down. Now that he knew the two boys were trapped like he was, he figured they weren't a threat, but he still had a fight-or-flight instinct to beat down.
"I'm Kurt." said the predator-like blonde boy. "And this-"
"I'm Blaine." said the other, cutting off his companion. Where Kurt was like a feral cat, Fang realized, Blaine was more like an energetic puppy. "Who are you? And how'd you get those?" Blaine started to reach for Fang's wing, but Kurt gave him a light tap on the wrist.
"Don't be rude, Blaine." He said. "Not everyone wants to be touched."
"But... They look so soft..." Blaine whined.
"My name's Fang." Fang said. "And I got my wings at a facility like this, when I was a baby. Genetic testing and stuff..." Fang trailed off.
"That sounds horrible." Blaine said sympathetically.
"So, you've been here since you were a baby?" Kurt asked.
"I've escaped the white coats a couple times." Fang answered. "Though never by myself. Usually my Flock- My family was with me."
"You have a family?" Blaine asked. "Where are they?"
"I... Don't know. I sort of left them... Struck out on my own..." A choice Fang was now regretting. Since he had left, no one would know he'd been captured. So no one was looking for him.
"But you've escaped before." Kurt said. "So it's possible. Maybe you can help us get out of this place."
"Wait, why are you guys here, anyway?" Fang asked.
"We're from a town in Ohio." Kurt said. "And we seem to have some... Traits, that these scientists are interested in..."
"Kurt's a serial killer." Blaine piped up. "And I like to eat people... And cheese."
It took Fang's brain a moment to process this information. A moment that Kurt took advantage of to glare at his shorter companion.
"You, uh, do what?"
"I'm a serial killer- Oh, don't look at me like I'm some horrible villain! Everyone gets their kicks somehow, right? And Blaine, yeah, he's a cannibal. And ignore the cheese thing."
Blaine gave Kurt a scandalized look. "Ignore the cheese?"
"Anyway," Kurt continued, ignoring Blaine and the cheese. "Some kid at our school found out our... Little secrets, told his scientist dad, and got us captured and brought here. There was something said about examining our brain waves and genetics to see if our... More violent tendencies could be programmed into their guard-dog things... What do they call them?"
"Erasers." Fang said, holding back a shudder. "Like those things need to be more bloodthirsty and violent..."
"Yeah, well, we don't feel like being their lab rats." Kurt said. "Can you help us get out of here?"
"Just give me a minute to get past this..." Fang said, his mind feeling like it was being tied in knots. "You guys... Kill people?"
"Not often!" Blaine said.
"And most of my victims had it coming." Kurt added.
"Still..." Fang started to say, but Kurt cut him off.
"Look, we know you've never broken out of one of these places alone. We've never broken out at all. We need each other's help. And don't start thinking that you'll be getting away from us easily. Why do you think you were stuck in a cage with us in the first place?"
"I... Don't know..." Fang said.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Let's just say, they haven't fed Blaine here in a while..."
Fang's eyes widened. "But..."
"Don't worry, I won't eat you." Blaine said. "Though, I am kind of curious if you'll actually taste like chicken..."
Fang tried to scoot back farther, but Kurt grabbed his wrist, pulling him much closer than he was comfortable with.
"Look, it's simple. Get us out and you live. Pretty straight forward if you ask me. Right?" Kurt asked, staring into Fang's eyes.
Fang just nodded once, not sure how else to react.
Kurt let go of his wrist. "Good."
Fang curled up against the bars again, crossing his arms over his chest, wondering how he would get himself out of this situation. Again, against cold metal and with only a light t-shirt covering his upper body, he felt a chill creep up his spine. He shivered, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering. Why did they have to keep these places so cold?
Suddenly, a navy blue blazer was thrown over his arms. Blaine knelt in front of him, smiling.
"Can't have you turning into a popsicle, right?" he asked.
Fang just shook his head, tentatively pulling the blazer around him tighter.
Blaine patted him on the shoulder. "I think you'll find we're not as bad as you'd think a serial killer and a cannibal would be." He winked at Fang. "Now warm up. We've got to plot a way out of here!"
The plan went almost too easily, though later, they figured it had something to do with the staff being intimidated by the fact that they had a known serial killer and cannibal in the building.
They caught the whitecoats by surprise simply by pretending all three of them were dead. One scientist threw the cage door open to find out what happened and was met by the skilled hands of a cat-like killer.
Fang found the dead scientist's key card and the three of them raced through the halls of the facility. Most people scattered out of their way. The few that challenged them didn't last long.
That was, until the Erasers.
Fang heard them before he saw them. He grabbed the other two boys by their collars and dragged them into a room, shutting the door. He shushed the both of them and pulled them to the floor, just in time to here the snarls and clomping of boots that meant the Erasers were running by.
They waited quietly for the pack to fade into the distance. But, just as Fang was cautiously standing up to check out the window of the door they were hiding behind, a giant, furry hand came crashing through the glass. Fang had just enough time to jump back as the Eraser burst in through what was left of the door.
Kurt was on his feet, ready to take down the wolf-man, but Fang, to Kurt's surprise, beat him to it. He was on that Eraser like he'd been fighting them all his life. Which, Kurt realized, he had been.
Both Kurt and Blaine were in awe. Fang moved both powerfully and gracefully. His face was set, eyes emotionless. For one who had been so wary of the two killers before, he was skilled in the art of death himself. In mere moments the monster was down on the ground, silenced by a couple of well-placed blows from their feathered friend.
"He didn't even need a knife..." Kurt muttered to Blaine.
"Though the blood would've made a more tasteful image." Blaine added.
"Guys, come on, we have to move!" Fang urged his friends on, oblivious to their comments.
The three were soon on the move again, racing down now-empty hallways. At first, Fang was suspicious, but by the time that he and his two new friends were outside the building, hotwiring a car, they'd decided that these idiots truly just weren't equiped or prepared to handle a breakout.
The fact that the security guard had been cowering behind a desk as they ran through the lobby sort of sealed the deal on the theory.
"So, Fang." Kurt said as he drove the getaway car down a dirt backroad. "I must commend your technique back there on that Eraser."
Fang shrugged. "You do what you have to if you want to survive."
"But it was amazing!" Blaine exclaimed from the back. "Like artwork! Just BAM, BAM, CRASH! And he's down!"
"Look, I-" Fang started to say, but Kurt, again, cut him off.
"I usually prefer knives myself, but I'd be interested to learn some of these moves of yours." He said. "Useful for self-defense. Or, you know, taking out the random witness..."
'I'm not sure-" But it seemed no one wanted Fang to finish a sentence.
"The way you move is... Something to watch, too." Blaine said. He was leaning over into the front seat now. He began stroking one of Fang's wings. Though his initial reaction was to jerk his wing away, he stopped. As much as he hated to admit it, it felt sort of... Good.
"And I'm not just talking about how you killed wolf-boy, though that was quite... Provocative." Blaine grinned. "The way you walk, I noticed. Almost reminds me of Kurtsie here..."
"Blaine..." Kurt said. His tone had a warning to it, but not as much of one as Fang expected. For some reason, that made him nervous.
"Fang, I should ask you... I told you if you got us out, we wouldn't kill you, and I'll stick to my word. But I can't ignore the fact that you, well, have no family. And I would think that just letting you go off on your own might be a death sentence. And I promised you would live..." Kurt took one hand off the wheel, reached over, and, to Fang's shock, took his hand. "How about you come with us, Fang?"
"We can keep him?" Blaine asked excitedly.
"I... Don't know..." Fang said, trying to loose his hand from Kurt's grip, though, not trying as hard as he should have been.
"Come on, Fang. I think there's much we could... Learn from each other..." Kurt said. He began to massage Fang's palm with his thumb. "Don't you think?"
Fang finally jerked his hand away. He glared at Kurt. "I'm not a killer. Not like you."
Kurt just grinned, placing his hand back on the wheel. "No, maybe not..."
"But you could be."
Fang: They're interest in me is kinda creepy.
Me: I know. I love it.
Fang: ...How is that...Why do you... Nevermind, it's you.
Me: I have this thing for crossover pairings. And I think you guys would make the most interesting threesome.
Fang: Shoot me.
Me: Blainey just wants a taste of you, Fang...
Fang: Creep. He'd probably smother me in cheese.
Fang: Dear Lord.
P.S. Yes, I could write another chapter. No, I am not going to. If you want to, let me know and go ahead, I've got too much else to write right now. Maybe someday, but... Not now. Just FYI.