Title: Flagpole Sitter
Author: Sage SK
Date Started: 6/3/12
Date Finished: 6/4/12

Comments: Consider this an aftermath to Chlorine and Mothballs. I'm sure Roy wasn't too keen on the idea of Ed telling everybody he saw about what happened to a younger Roy the night he got drunk and swam in the Armstrong pool naked. And, when it comes to revenge, well, do you really want to cross Roy Mustang?

Roy hadn't bothered to ask a second time who had related the story of his infamous escapade in the Armstrong pool. He didn't need to. The point was that the damage was already done and, when it came to blackmail, especially on him, who better to gleefully exploit it than the Fullmetal Alchemist?

So, he decided to have his revenge before Fullmetal told everybody within hearing range. Of course, he was pretty sure Fullmetal would announce it to the radio and the newspapers by morning, but what better way to savor the moment before facing utter humiliation?

And, savor the moment he did as he stood back and watched as Fullmetal flailed from the top of the flagpole, his pants alchemized to the rope.

"I'll kill you, you jerk!" was among the few pleasant things bellowed out across the parade grounds as the blond tried to get down, occasionally stopping to get the Amestrian flag out of his face.

Below him, a concerned Alphonse looked on as Maes Hughes gave his best friend a dry look.

"You can be real mature sometimes, you know that?" Hughes said as he rubbed at his tired eyes.

Roy merely smirked. "Yes. Yes, I can." Then, as though suddenly remembering, the smirk widened into a horrible grin. "Alphonse. Did I ever tell you about the time Hughes got so drunk he decided to get a tattoo to express his love to Gracia?"

As Alphonse turned to Roy with what could only be a confused expression, Hughes jumped like he'd been poked with a needle.

"Roy! Don't you dare...!"

It hadn't been a week, and the stories circulated almost simultaneously. Radio broadcasters decided that they'd have a "lighthearted hour", focused mostly on ridiculous tales of the military with the promise of anonymity for all involved. Edward hadn't been so lucky. Unlike Roy and Hughes, who could have easily dismissed the tales of their escapades as rumors, Edward had bellowed and screamed and made it perfectly clear that he had been alchemized to the flagpole.

To make matters worse, because he had been so angry, Edward hadn't even bothered to think of an alchemic formula to counter the one Roy had used to bind his pants to the rope. Thus, he inadvertently left his pants in a fury as he climbed down the flagpole.

And, that's how they stayed, in all their glory, flapping in the wind right underneath the Amestrian flag.

And, because it was clear that the Fullmetal Alchemist had been tied to the flagpole, radio broadcasters had no choice but to play the revised Amestrian national anthem that some anonymous soul had provided. At least until the pants came down.

"We salute thee, Amestris, land so pure and true. We salute your colors of green and white... and the shrimp's pants, too."


Fic References:
Chlorine and Mothballs by Sage SK
Tattoo by Mindtwins (aka Kristen Sharpe and Sage SK)