Staring into the inky blackness of the night, I can barely make out the silhouettes of the guys who are skylarking down by the shore. With this week being the last vacation break before final exams, half of the kids from the senior class have come down to the beach for a low-key party.

We have all the essentials - food, blankets, music, and alcohol.

This part of the beach is very secluded and dark. The only available light sources are from the moon and stars above and the fire the guys built to keep us warm. Run DMC is blaring into the frigid night air from the speakers in the back of Jasper's car.

Feeling a bit grossed out, I'm watching my best friend, Alice, and wondering why on Earth she would even contemplate eating something from off a stick that she just picked up off the beach.

God only knows where that stick has been before. For all she knows, a dog could have had that stick in its mouth this morning, or even worse, it could have pissed on it. Eww.

"Where have the guys gone?" Alice asks, while spearing her marshmallows with the 'stick of dubious origin'.

Seemingly satisfied after loading up her makeshift skewer with alternating pink and white marshmallows, she holds it over the fire. I've never understood why people like toasted marshmallows. They are sickly sweet, sticky, and guaranteed to scald the insides of your mouth, leaving you in pain for the rest of the evening. That is, if you can manage not to turn them into lumps of charcoal, or melt them into the flames as Alice seems to be doing right now.

"Last I saw they were tossing a football around and trying to drag each other into the waves," Rose says, passing me the bottle of wine she stole from her parent's liquor cabinet.

Jessica stands up and looks towards the sea for a few minutes before sitting down and then pulling the blanket around her shoulders. "They're insane." She shivers. "It's dark and fucking freezing out here. Couldn't we have gone to someone's house for a party instead?" she whines.

Briefly, I fantasise about seizing Alice's glowing fire stick and plunging it into Jessica's neck.

While I'm normally a calm and peaceful person, Jessica "my-boobs-are-bigger-than-my-IQ" Stanley totally makes me feel stabby. I can't stand the bitch.

I know for a fact she's had her eyes on my boyfriend, Edward, for quite some time, but I have to tolerate her presence because she's part of our circle of friends. She's mainly Rose's friend, and Rose is friends with just about everyone; even if they are an incredibly annoying tart.

No one bothers to answer Jessica's rhetorical question. We continue to stare intently into the flames as Alice tries once again to scorch her marshmallows.

Although it sucks to be out in the cold, there aren't exactly many venues for under-age partying. Basically, we live in a small town, and our parents are all boring. I would venture to say that mine are quite possibly the worst. They never go anywhere (except church) and ever since they discovered religion, they've become incredibly strict.

They hate my boyfriend because they think he's corrupted me… but Edward would say it was the other way around. He says I've been an evil influence on him. Personally, I'd like to think we've equally been at fault in corrupting each other for the last eighteen months. Even so, I know my parents have been praying to baby Jesus that Edward will leave me, or that I will one day 'wake up to myself' and leave him.

The 'rents don't allow me to go to parties. In fact, if they discover I'm here, or find out that I'm drinking alcohol, they'll probably try to ground me for life… again. For now, though, they think I'm studying at Alice's house for the evening.

Alice's parents think she is at Rose's house, and Rose's parents just don't give a flying fuck where she is, because they are too busy arguing with each other to notice when she is, or isn't, in the house.

Just as I'm passing the wine bottle back to Rose, six naked, male bodies race through the flames, scaring the shit out of us as they leap over the fire pit.

We're assaulted by the fleeting vision of multiple sets of dicks and balls flailing about - even if it is a bitterly cold night.

Edward is among them, and I burst into laughter as I watch their pale, white arses heading in the direction of the scrubby bushes at the base of the sand hills.

"Oh my God, what the fuck do they think they are doing?" I ask, giggling along with everyone else who witnessed their impromptu nudey run.

Edward's head pops up and calls out from behind a bush, "Bell… can you grab my clothes? They're on the hood of Jasper's car."

As I stand up to retrieve them, Jessica (the whore) yells back, "Hey, Eddie… why don't you come out and get them instead, big boy." She then turns to talk to Lauren, and while I can't make out everything Jess is saying, I get the impression she got a lovely eyeful of Edward's package, and she was particularly impressed with what she saw.

While I agree it is impressive, I can't believe she has the audacity to voice her opinion on the size of my boyfriend's dick in front of everyone - including me.

"What the hell?" I mutter to Alice, who gives me a look of incredulity, as if she, too, can't believe what Jess just said.

I walk towards Jasper's car to retrieve Edward's clothing. No way in Hell is that slut going to see more of my boyfriend than is necessary.

As I near the car, Jasper also calls out, "Bella! Can you grab my clothes, too? They're next to Edward's."

With my arms full of sandy clothes and stinky boys shoes, I head over to the sand hills. Standing in front of the bushes, I haphazardly toss their clothing over to where I last heard their voices. Behind me, Jess (the bitch-face hosebeast) is still calling on the guys to come out from the bushes.

Sick of hearing her bullshit, I walk behind the bushes with the intention of spending some alone time with Edward and getting Jess to shut the fuck up in the process.

When I round the bush, I see he has his t-shirt on and he's bending forward to retrieve an article of clothing from the ground.

And there it is...

His muscular arse is visible in the pale moonlight.

Walking up behind him, I trail my hand from the middle of his thigh up to his arse and seductively whisper, "You're mine… all mine," before giving his arse a gentle squeeze. He grabs a piece of clothing off the ground and quickly stands upright.


What the-?

That was Edward's voice, but it came from behind me.

And that's when I realize I've groped the wrong guy's naked butt.

With his jeans held in front of him for protection, Jasper turns around to face me.

And suddenly, I wish the Earth would open up and swallow me whole.

"Oh, my God, Jazz. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Edward!" I exclaim. "It's really dark, and I swear I thought he was the one standing behind this bush."

Jasper just laughs.

Edward explains, "I was, but when you threw the clothes at us, they scattered and got mixed up. Only you, Bell. This could only happen to you."

Jasper and Edward start laughing hysterically.

"I'm really sorry," I say again. My face suddenly feels really hot.

"No hard feelings," Jasper replies cheekily.

"There better not be," Edward says, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He laughs into the side of my neck. Jokingly, he accuses me of staring at Jazzy's junk, and then turns me around so Jazz can continue to get dressed without 'an audience'.

"I can't believe you mistakenly thought Jasper's arse was mine," Edward says chuckling and shaking his head in amusement as he pulls on his jacket. Finally dressed, Edward takes my hand in his, and he leads me back to the group. "You know you're never going to live this down," he informs me with a grin.

Deciding I've had enough teasing, I decide to shut him down. "Yeah, yeah… I can't believe it either. Especially since your arse is so hairy, and his isn't," I say sarcastically.

I then smack him on the arse and head for the other side of the fire pit to sit next to Alice, leaving Edward with his mouth gaping like a fish.

"WHAT! My arse is NOT hairy!"

The (rear) End.