Title:  D4: Mary Sue Joins The Ducks

Author:  Star

Rating:  U or G (put 'em together and you've got 'UG!' – sorry am having a strange humour day.)

Dedication:  To all the Mary Sues in the world.

Feedback:  Hit me!  Go on!  I love it!

Disclaimer:  Disney et all owns 'em and I'll have 'em back before they even notice they're gone!  Mary Sue *snorts* belongs to me.

Distribution:  Mine and Vic's site, Queertet which can be found at http://queertet.topcities.com/index.html (if I can bear to insult my site by adding this) Anyone else:  Want.  Ask.  Take.  Have.  I'd be beyond thrilled (and completely stunned).  By the way, we also have a Ducks List, to join, just go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MightyDucksMovies/

Summary:  Just what the title says.

Notes:  I read possibly the worst fic in the world (in another fandom) and it inspired this.  I'm basically writing the same kind thing, but the difference is I'm aware of how trite this is, the other writer wasn't.  I know on occasion my OC's can get irritating and that I have far too many of them but I hope they're not on this level.

I've realised that I've insulted a lot of people in this fic, Disney (and their characters), teenagers, nice people etc.  Sorry, but I'm in a dreadfully sarcastic mood.  I've also stereotyped everyone.

Part 1

      "Ducks!  We're getting a new player!"  Orion announced after practice.  "Despite the fact that we have a full roster[1].  Don't worry, nobody's getting kicked off, the NHL are going to change the rules."

      "Oh yeah?"  They chorused (Ducks not only fly together, but speak together too).  "Who?"

      "Her name is Mary Sue and she's perfect."  Orion said.  "She should be playing professionally, but she's too young… obviously the NHL can't change that rule."

      "When will she arrive?"  Connie asked.

      "I'm picking her up from the bus station tomorrow evening."  Orion responded.

      "I think," said Charlie (without the slightest hint of pig-headedness that he was famous for in D3), "that we should give her a nice Ducks welcome.  Can we come too?"

      Because Coach Orion is a Disney character (and now that he's over his spat with Charlie) he's far too nice for his own good, so he hires a minibus to take all the Ducks to the bus station – even though it's only ten minutes away and if the team had any patience they could wait a little longer to meet her.

      The next day all the Ducks piled into Orion's hired minibus (without a word of thanks, because despite their Disney origins, they're still teenagers) and started doing whatever it is that Ducks do on a bus – talk strategies? sing "We Are The Champions"?  beat up Averman?  I'm not sure, it was never shown in the movies for long.

      Luckily the bus ride is too short for them to get too rambunctious and they all file out, looking around excitedly for this new player.

      Enter Mary Sue.  I would describe her, but all you readers have your own image of perfection so picture that.  Mary Sue is truly perfection personified, beautiful shiny hair, big eyes, pouty lips and perfectly even white teeth.  She's stronger than Fulton and Portman put together, she's funnier than Averman, she's more popular with the opposite sex than Luis, she makes Adam look like a bad player, she'd be a better goalie than Julie and Goldberg combined, but she's a scorer – suffice to say she will score more goals than anyone ever has before.  Yes, Mary Sue is going to turn heads at Eden Hall.

      Where was I before I got distracted listing Mary Sue's attributes?

      Oh yes, the team's reaction to her.  Right, picture eleven guys drooling and two girls wishing they were Mary Sue.  Guy is busy wondering how to break up with Connie, Connie is wondering if Julie will mind that Mary Sue is her new best friend (cheerfully unaware that Julie is thinking the same thing), Luis is wondering which of his cheesy lines will work best on her, Charlie is deciding that he does love something more than hockey and his coaches… and so on.  They all love her.

      Mary Sue introduces herself, naturally she's blessed with outstanding confidence – and not only that, on the bus ride to Minnesota there was an article in her magazine on Team USA, so she already knows everyone.

      Mary Sue is not only perfection personified, but she's lucky too.

      The team swarm around her, desperately asking questions about this wonderful person who they've been lucky enough to meet.  She answers them politely, throwing in the odd joke that makes them laugh uproariously (have I mentioned she's funny too?) and everyone adores her.

      They fight over who gets to sit next to her on the bus on the way home, Mary Sue decides to sit with Luis and Charlie (my two favourites – if you don't like them, pretend she sat with your favourites) and they both vie for her attention.  She doesn't play favourites, because Mary Sue is perfection personified, and nice people don't play favourites.  No doubt she will fall in love with one of the team at some point – but she probably has a deep dark secret to overcome.  It may be a fear of hockey, or boys, or something, I'm not sure, I haven't planned that far ahead.

      One thing is for sure, we're all rooting for Mary Sue!


Right, sorry about my OD on sarcasm through that.  I may update this, I may not.  If anyone wants a shot at the next chapter, email me Star@CanfieldBridge.fsnet.co.uk it would be fun to pass this around and make it a round robin.

[1] – I don't know a darned thing about hockey, my logic stems from D2.  Russ joined the team when Adam was out with a hurt wrist, then Adam came back and good ole Charlie stepped down so he could have his spot.  I'm sorry if this is wrong, but I ain't changing it because this is a parody.