A/N: I've had this written since about a week after the season finale and just haven't had the nerve to post it. Dunno why really but I figure with the premiere looming in a few hours….why not? I'd love to know what you think…your humble bard. Honorcpt

The steady sounds of the room would be soothing under other circumstances but the hiss of the respirator served as a constant reminder to Maura that Jane may never come back to her. Opening up her journal she continued to detail the events that had led her here.

The anger she felt toward Jane was gone. It had been from the moment she had arrived at the hospital with her father, but Jane didn't know that. Her father had woken long enough to tell her that Jane had to do her job before falling unconscious again. She stayed by his side until he went into surgery and then, had checked in with her mother, letting her know what had happened. She could hear Jane's voice in the hallway, asking to speak to her, begging to explain. And Korsak turning her away. She had been angry at the betrayal, Agent Dean's appearance had only amplified the jealousy she felt and her anger had fed on it. But Jane shot her father and that was all she could think of when Jane had rushed to help Paddy, help her. She, Maura, had screamed at her and knew from the look in her eyes that she had hurt her but Maura hadnt cared. Refused to care.

Paddy had survived the surgery but as a paraplegic. The damage to his spine irreparable. Dean had survived and been sanctioned by the FBI for going against orders.


As she watched the machines do their work Maura wondered if she would ever have the chance to tell Jane how she felt. Looking down at Jane's partially shaven head, the bandages contrasted against her skin, hiding the surgical evidence of the removal of the bullet that was meant to take her life.


Two days ago…JANE

Two weeks had passed since Paddy Doyle had survived what would have killed most men. Two weeks for the FBI to investigate and sanction one of their own. Two weeks for Jane to spiral into a routine that no one was really aware of or cared about. She hit the Robber every night now and when they turned her away, she drank at home. She had been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the shooting investigation but it was a clean shooting. She knew it, they all did, except Maura. Jane had tried everything, but Maura ignored her. She wouldn't return her calls or answer the door when she showed up drunk the third night after the shooting begging for forgiveness, understanding.

The morning she was due back at work Jane woke up and looked around her living room, it looked worse than it did after she had shot herself. Pulling her hair up in a ponytail she stood in front of the heavy bag the guys had given her back then and just stared at it. She looked to her right and imagined Maura standing next to her tentatively punching the bag with her. Smiling she touched the bag where Maura always struck it and sighed. She had lost her best friend and a piece of her soul. Angry with herself she punched the bag and headed in to shower before work. She knew she needed to snap herself out of this funk before she did something stupid.

Refreshed and feeling better than she had in days, she texted Maura and asked her to please meet her in a half hour at the corner deli by the precinct, one last time.

She waited with keys in hand until she got a reply. "Fine, 5 minutes."

"That's all I need!" Grabbing the letter she had written to Maura the day she shot Paddy, she put it into her jacket pocket. It was without a doubt one of the stupidest things she would probably ever do but screw it, she had nothing left to lose.

Racing out, she didn't see the dark SUV that pulled out behind her.

Maura sat impatiently wondering what she was doing there waiting for Jane. She had promised herself she wouldn't answer her but she was willing to give her five minutes and then she was ready to say goodbye. The betrayal from her had cut so deep that it had hurt more than her father being shot or her mother being injured. Maura knew her feelings for Jane had grown since she had shot herself but she had kept it to herself thinking one day she would be able to tell Jane how she felt. Gabriel Dean had ruined that. It was because of him that Jane had betrayed her. Because of him she was now willing to say goodbye. She refused to have her heart hurt worse than it already was.

The sound of the car door slamming made her look up and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the sight of the lanky detective. "No" pasting a stern look on her face, she resolved herself to ending this friendship once and for all.

"Mau…" the rest of Maura's name was eclipsed by the sound of gunshots and even as Jane crumpled in front of her she kept her eyes on Maura.

The SUV roared away leaving a screaming Maura in its wake.

"Call an ambulance!" Dropping down beside her she looked to see where Jane was hit. The wound in her shoulder was bleeding freely and she brushed aside the envelope that had fallen out of Jane's hand. It was the wound to the side of her head that Maura cried over. There was no exit wound that meant the bullet was still there and God only knew what damage it had done. Maura checked for her pulse and found it but realized Jane had stopped breathing.

Quickly laying her on her back she started mouth to mouth, she could taste the salt from her tears as she tried to keep the woman she knew without a doubt she loved, alive.

She barely heard the ambulance in the distance as she heard Frost's voice in the background yelling for Korsak.

Dammit it's Jane!"

Dropping down next to them both he tried to take over for Maura, but was roughly shrugged off

"No! Stay away from her!" She was out of breath and light headed but she couldn't stop, she just couldn't.

"Ma'am…ma'am, please" She never heard the EMT approach and as Frost pulled her away from Jane, she broke down.

"I can't lose her Barry, I can't…she thinks I hate her." Frost took the sobbing woman in his arms and looked up as Korsak approached shaking his head. He was telling the older man it didn't look good and Korsak walked grabbing the closest officer.

"Get names and numbers, witnesses, we need it now!" Letting him go he looked over toward Frost and Maura, "dammit Janie…" Seeing an envelope by Maura's leg he picked it up and saw the blood staining the front where Jane's scrawl could be seen. It was addressed to Maura, "shit."

"Come on Doc, I'll take you to the hospital," Frost helped her up and winced as she squeezed his forearms.

"She thinks I hate her." Maura's voice was hoarse with tears.

Helping her into the passenger side, she was surprised when Korsak stopped the door from closing.

"Uhm…I think this is for you Doc." Handing over the envelope he made eye contact with Frost and nodded. "Go"

Maura looked at the envelope and seeing Jane's handwriting, held it tightly against her chest.

"Barry what have I done?"


Maura closed her journal as Korsak walked into Jane's room.


Sighing he looked at his old partner and shut his eyes tightly. It killed him to see her like this but Maura refused to leave her side.

"Doyle confirmed it, it was his men and he's put a stop to it. Says he didn't know." He sat down heavily looking older than she had ever seen him.

"Thank you…I knew, somehow but I needed to be sure…there's so much…"

"Don't doc, please, she'll be okay, It's Janie, she has to be, you know?" Maura heard the emotion in his voice and knew how he felt.

He looked at her journal and saw Jane's letter sticking out.

"Hey Doc?"

"Yes Vince?" Her calm voice soothed him. She seemed more at peace than she had in a long time.

"What did she say in the letter?" He shifted uncomfortably on the balls of his feet, "I know I shouldn't ask but…"

"She said she loves me…"

So, there it is…if you want me to continue, you have to let me know. This is not meant to be a long story, just a couple of chapters but only if you all want it.