Can't Stop

Part One (Millie's POV)

It has been nearly 3 months since we moved from December. 3 months since Meryl, Mr. Vash, Matt, Mr. Knives and I have found ourselves a new home. 2 months have passed since Mr. Knives tried to runaway. And it has been 2 years and 2 months since we lost my Nicholas.

Time passes so quickly.

I find it hard to believe that my dear Nicholas has been dead for well over a year. A year since he was stolen form us.

I can't help but cry every time I think of him. Think about all of the time he missed. How he missed Mr. Vash and Meryl finally getting together. How he missed Mr. Knives downfall. And how he missed our son growing inside me. He's missed so much. Matt's birth, Matt's first steps, Matt's first words.

The burning sadness I feel when I think about all of these things are so unmatched. Never had I ever felt such a deep pain.

Sometimes I find myself wishing that I never met the fallen priest. At least, then I wouldn't feel the pain that never seems to lesson over time. But then I remember that he gave me Matt and I am glad that we had a brief moment in time to be together. Then the loneliness comes and I think about being with another man. For months I couldn't bare the thought but as time passed, the guilt lessons and the possibility of me actually dating someone was becoming more appealing.

I can't believe how long it has been and now I fear that I find myself moving on pass my love for my dear Nicholas. Not that I love him less but I find myself wondering about another man, a man I am terribly afraid of.

I'm developing a crush on Mr. Knives. I know this crush has more to do with his dangerous good looks and nothing else. I do not talk to the man. I do not bring him his meals or anything that would require me to get to know him.

I even try not to stare at him. He still frightens me with his eyes so cold and as sharp as his name.

I'm afraid to know him. I'm afraid to be drawn into his hate filled world. But I am drawn to him. He's like a magnet slowly pulling me to him and I don't know how to stop it.

END of Pt. 1