Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
Friendship is Magic: Part 1
Dear Princess Celestia,
Alright, so let me get this straight. My parents are paying top dollar for this school, and now because you think I'm too much of a bookworm who doesn't spend enough time with others, you're specifically sending me to some backwater town to check on your party preparations?
Especially when I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough that could save Equestria from Nightmare Moon. But no, that can wait. I have a celebration to get ready and friends to make! Screw the fate of Equestria.
And not spending any time with others? Please. I'm your PERSONAL protege, and you gave me this tower for studying! So you pretty much isolated me, and then blame me for not making any friends? Yeah, that makes a lot of fucking sense.
Okay, upon arriving in Ponyville, I immediately noticed the drug problem. Why? A pink pony who shrieked upon seeing me and then took off. All I said was hello. She's gotta be high on something. After that, your meal planner tried to give me an eating disorder. After that, I had to listen to birds sing and the conductor couldn't even look me in the eye. And seriously, birds? That's your fanfare? You raise the fucking sun for crying out loud. Get a rock band.
After that, we got to meet this egotistical bitch Rainbow Dash who apparently likes procrastinating until the last minute for one of the most important holidays of the year. And what's more, she messed up my mane. Now I'm pissed. I work on my mane for 30 minutes every morning.
After that, this dragon you keep on sending along got a hard-on for your decorator. I mean, why her? Does nopony find ME sexy? Once you go purple you never go back!
Oh joy, it's the drugged up pink pony again, and just when I was looking forward to relaxing, she decides to throw a party in the LIBRARY of all places, and invite everypony in the whole fucking town! What? Did the whole town shut down to welcome me? Fuck this, I'm going to bed.
Your pissed student,