Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06

Dear diary,

Twilight offered to be my private tutor for the Wonderbolts History test. So after showing up to the library, and avoiding her sexual advances for an hour, we began the actual studying. It didn't work out. Not even her favorite method of studying, flash cards. Maybe because 'cards' wasn't the flash she was interested in studying, if you know what I mean.

We were getting nowhere. In fact, I was so confident in Twilight's inability to help me learn this stuff, that I promised her sex if she could find a way to make it stick.

When they dressed up as the great Wonderbolts of the past, the only thing missing was Pony Loggins music. Not only that, but Fluttershy can put together a fantastic Celestia cosplay. Thanks, Magnificent Alicorn Leader.

So it turns out that I retain information while I'm just flying around. That gives me a great idea. I'll open a new school! I wonder how many potential students will end up applying to Airhead University.

-Rainbow Dash

Dear Rainbow Dash,

Passed, huh? 100? So, guess what you owe me? That's right. Be over here at 9:00. I'll knock some off of your damaged book fees if you bring a ruler and whipped cream. We'll be doing student-teacher discipline role play.


Dear Pinkie Pie,

You can't spell crap without rap.


Dear Twilight,

You can't spell Twilight without bitch-ass ho.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Sugarcube Corner to make some vanilla-flavored ice cubes.

You can't see me.