Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
Spike At Your Service
Let's get one fucking thing straight. Spike is MY slave. If you want a dragon slave, then I suggest you grow your own horn out of that damn hat and hatch an egg yourself. Maybe you can get your lover to do another Sonic Rainboom to help you with that too. I am also dumbfounded that you let him move about your farm, the walking disaster that he is. But I hope you got a good idea of why I'm always frustrated with him, and also got first-hand experience of his stupidity. I mean, here was a fire-breathing dragon, running from animated piles of wood. Yeah. I can't believe you bought that dragon code bullshit. The only reason I didn't realize he left was because I was caught up in that magnificent 12-part erotic novel series Celestia sent me for the weekend.
So you always go into the Everfree Forest investigating runaway balloons? Or are you just going in there to intimidate Zecora? You could've given him a swift bucking and sent him flying off your farm if he wasn't getting the message. You see, that's why your honest southern politeness won't get you anywhere in life. And who the fuck puts eggs up on a shelf that is twice as high as anypony in the household?
I do derive joy from the fact that all these mishaps were happening elsewhere, and not in the library. Only Spike could go to wash a single plate, flood the kitchen with soap suds, and come out with a piece of the plumbing.
So after helping Rainbow re-enact the 9/11 Pegasus attack on Manehattan, we got together to come up with a plan to get Spike out of your service. I don't see why we didn't just tell him about the Pony Code, which overrides the Dragon Code, and puts him back into my servitude. Nah, we had to get a really cheap puppet, some wooden buckets, and Rainbow's really good roaring. Spike didn't buy it though, due to the lack of breath. So, of course, the Everfree Forest's glorious irony endangers all our lives. The trio of Timber Wolves tracked you and Spike back to the farm. You saved his life once again, but then they formed up Timbertron.
So they saved the day by doing to the Timbertron what happens to me every time I try blowing a stallion. But since he saved your life, you two called it even, and now he's back helping me because I am completely incapable of turning on a light.
However did you ever come up with that ingeniously woven intricate plot line?