Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N- Although I do believe that Mary Sue's seem to take up more than their fair share of the YGO section, this story was written just for fun.

All Mary Sue's mention as part of the 'twisted Barbie collection' (XD) were made up by me. Any suggestions for additions to it, though, can be included in an email or review, and I'll add them to the Mary Sue army at the end. ^_^ As always reviews are great, constructive criticism appreciated, and flamers shot down. Enjoy!

The Mary Sue Extermination Squad!

The door crashed open with a resounding thud.

"Go for it." Yami Malik whispered when nothing happened immediately.

"Me?! Why me?!"

"Because! I'll cover you! Now hurry up, we're losing valuable hunting time!"

Grumbling Yami Bakura pulled one of the guns out of his thigh holster, and cautiously glanced around the corner. "Okay, on three. Ready?"


"If you let me die I'll so haunt your ass!"

"I'm right behind you."

"Alright. One, two, and three!" Yami Bakura ran in, gun at the ready, dropping down into a crouching defense position. Yami Malik covering him from the doorway, with the flame-thrower.

Yami Bakura made a face at the pink and white walls, covered with pictures of a cuddly 'fuzzy bunny' for which the place was named.

"See anything?"

"No. You?"


"Alright. Secure the area."

Working together, they systematically searched the main floor, looking for any signs of a Mary Sue. Up and down the aisles of pet food and toys they moved.

"Find anything?" Yami Malik asked at last.

"Not ye....Ah ha!" Yami Bakura yelled triumphantly swooping down on a blue barrette on the floor. Further, in the corner he came up with Honda's backpack. "Evidence!"

Yami Malik moved closer for a better look. "How do we know that it's hers?"

Yami Bakura held it up to the light, moving it slowly back and forth. "I don't kno.."

He was abruptly cut off as a small tag with the words; 'Property of M. Sue' fell forward. Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"You don't get the feeling that they're trying to lure us into a trap do you?" He murmured softly.

Malik shrugged unconcerned. "Nah! Everyone knows that Mary Sues don't do that. "

"I guess..."

"Where did you find it?"

"It was closest to the basement door. Let's go!" Yami Bakura headed for the door, once more focusing on the mission.

"Alright" Yami Malik replied, following his friend's lead.

"Okay, I'll go in first again, you cover me. Ready?"

Yami Malik lifted the flame-thrower smiling at the gleefully happy look on his friend's face. "Baka."

"What?" Yami Bakura asked distractedly.


"Good. Then let's do this!" He said throwing open the door to the basement.

Meanwhile Joey and Yami stood just outside the alley door.

"How do we tell when it's safe?" Joey asked, peering into the overly cheerful room.

"I don't know." Yami replied. "Whenever Yami Bakura and Yami Malik get back, I guess......."

"What happens if they don't come back?" Joey responded. "For all we know they'll just forget about Honda, and go soul stealing."

"I doubt that they'd do that......." Yugi told him.

Yami whirled around. "I thought I told you to stay back! It isn't safe over here!"

Yugi opened his mouth to argue when there came a loud crash from within the building. (A/N- it's a big room, okay?)

"What was that?!" Joey yelped startled.

Yami was already gone.

"Hey, wait for me!" Joey yelled, running after him.

"Be careful!" Ryou warned taking a step forward, and immediately tripping over the welcome mat. "Ouch!"

"Are you okay?" Yugi asked, rushing to kneel beside him.

"I think so." Ryou said sitting up slowly.

"It's a good thing you're so clumsy Ryou." Tea informed him. "Look at this!"

Both Ryou and Yugi leaned forward to regard the lever hidden under the mat.

"What do you think it does?" Ryou asked.

"I don't know, but that's kind of a dumb place to put a secret switch......." Tea put in.

"There's only one way to find out." Yugi said, reaching for the lever.

Ryou grabbed his hand stopping him. "Do you think that that's wise?"

Before Yugi could answer, Tea interrupted him. "Maybe it's not wise. In fact, maybe it's stupid, but the power of friendship is stronger than mere fear! We need to help Honda, and to do that we need to pull this...."

"Okay!" Ryou said frantically before she could continue. "I think that we get it!"

Tea glared at him, as Yugi reached for the lever.


Yami and Joey found the basement door ajar.

"See! I told you it was just past the Meow Mix!" Joey whispered triumphantly, creeping down the stairs.

Yami just shook his head for silence, easing down the stairs behind him.

Halfway down, they heard a voice yell, "You'll never get away with this!"

Peering cautiously over the edge of the railing, Yami found himself staring at a one of the most bizarre things that he had ever had the misfortune to see. Yami Bakura unconscious in a heap of kitty treat bags, while Malik was gagged and tied to a shelving unit containing stacks of little blue and pink boxes with rubber duckies clearly showing through the plastic front, surrounded by various Mary Sues.

Like some sort of twisted Barbie doll collection, there was anti social Mary Sue (who eventually learns the true meaning of friendship), and random millennium item Mary sue (in this case a bracelet). Tragic past Mary Sue stood daydreaming with a wistful expression for friendship on her face, while kind good Mary Sue stood comfortingly by. Super duelist Mary Sue (still clutching her cards), and Romance Mary Sue talking about changing Seto Kaiba through the power of love. 'Evil' villain Mary Sue was glaring at everyone else in a corner, identifiable from anti-social Mary Sue by the paper clearly marked 'plans for world domination' sticking out of her pocket. Yami 'past life wife' Mary Sue, leaned casually against a counter chatting with 'slave girl in ancient Egypt who changes Seto/Yami for the better' Mary Sue. Even as he watched New girl at Domino High Mary Sue and 'Ryou's sister' Mary Sue, entered with 'Pegesus' daughter' Mary Sue, through a side door. It was complete chaos!

"I never realized that there were so many of them!" Joey said, horror creeping into his voice.

"Not a lot of people do." A clear musical voice commented from behind them.

Yami and Joey spun around only to find themselves gazing into the clear blue eyes of the original evil- perfect Mary Sue!

"I see you've met some of my friends!" Mary Sue continued brightly. "Rose, Tenshi, Kimi, Lily, Kate, DJ, Ray, Hikari, Ria, Shayna, Chelsea, and Kat."

Yami glared stonily at her, mind desperately trying to come up with a way out, while Joey searched for an exit.

"There's no way out, you know?" Mary Sue stated calmly. "Why don't you come down and join us? I'm sure your friend Honda would be glad to see you."

Yami glared harder at her at the mention of Honda, while Joey continued to scan desperately. Suddenly his eyes rested on Malik's forgotten flame thrower slightly behind evil Mary Sue. His eyes lit up.

Carefully putting his expression into one of defeat, he sighed loudly. "She's right Yami. There's no way that we can compete with such obvious perfection. We should just give up."

Yami whirled around at him shocked, while Mary Sue tried her best not to gloat as it wasn't becoming.

"What are you talking about Wheeler?!" Yami demanded.

"We should just go along with her down the stairs Yami." Joey said trying his best to communicate with his eyes that he had a plan.

Yami frowned, but slowly nodded. "Alright."

"Well then, let's go!" Mary Sue chirped happily. "You guys first!"

Yami moved past Joey, heading down the stairs. Pausing for just a moment before he began his descent, he whispered, "You better know what you're doing."

"I do." Joey whispered back, calmly following Yami, muscles tensing as they reached the last stair. Suddenly Joey spun around grabbing Mary Sue by the arm, and pushing her at her fellows, before springing forward and sprinting toward the partially hidden flame thrower.

Mary Sue jumped to her feet, face flushed in anger, with an furious cry of, "Get him!" Seconds before a wave of Mary Sues swarmed toward him.

Yami, for the moment unnoticed, carefully ducked behind a bin of decorative plants, and began to stealthily make his way to free Malik.

Joey leaped the last few feet, and sliding across the linoleum managed to snag the flame thrower. Jumping to his feet, flame thrower in hand, Joey laughed manically, doing a fair impression of Yami Malik. The Mary Sues paused, uncertain.

"Bwahahahahaha! Take this evil spawns!" He said gleefully, pressing the trigger.

Nothing happened.

Joey's stared unbelievingly, while the Mary Sues began to move toward him again. Joey held the flame thrower out in front of him like a shield, and with a cry of, "Banzai!!!!!!!!!!" ran through them.

"You'll never take me alive!" He yelled, racing away.

"Get him, and his little friend too!" Mary Sue ordered, and the chase was on.

Yami, in the mean time, was busy trying to untie the large pink rope that they had secured Malik with. Malik wasn't helping matters any, muttering things that sounded suspiciously like curses and threats, around that gag that he had half managed to chew thorough already.

Yami kneeled farther down, as Mary Sue sat beside the still unconscious Bakura, gazing at him with an unreadable look for a moment. Suddenly she smiled. "You'll do nicely." She informed his unconscious form, before grabbing him by both arms and dragging him away.

Malik's eyes widened. "Noooo!" He yelled loudly, viciously biting through the last part of his gag. Yami winced, as the Mary Sue turned to look at them again, evidently having forgotten that Malik was there in her quest to get back at Joey. Yami worked faster, as the Mary Sue started to cross the room toward Malik. He'd be seen any second!


Yugi pulled the lever.

"Self destruct sequence activated." A mechanical voice stated, as a row of previously unnoticed red numbers glowed: 5:00

Ryou stared at Yugi, Yugi stared at Anzu, Anzu stared at Ryou.



Before the Mary Sue could completely cross the room the speaker located above the door frame announced, "Self destruct sequence activated."

Mary Sue's blue eyes widened. "Drat!" She murmured softly. With one last mavolent look at Malik, she ran back to Bakura and continued dragging him away. "Until we meet again!"

"Nooooooo!" Malik screamed again, struggling to get loose.

Yami pulled the last knot free a moment later, and Malik was off, racing to the door that the Mary Sue had dragged his friend through. He turned the handle frantically, but it was locked. Malik eyes searched around the room quickly, before landing on a desk. Running over he planted himself firmly behind it, and glaring determinedly at the door began his assault with his home made battering ram. Yami crossed the basement, joining him, and after five hits, the door caved.

Malik leaped over the desk in a single bound, sliding into the room.

But there was no one there, a rear exit door wide open.

Racing to it to look wildly around outside, Malik's face fell.

Yami stood uncertainly outside the doorway, peering anxiously in. "We should leave. We don't know how long we have."

Malik just stood there.

Carefully Yami climbed over the desk, and into the room. Standing by Malik's side for a moment he sighed, slowly placing one hand on his shoulder. "Bakura will be fine. He can handle himself. Now, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can start looking for him."

Malik nodded, and Yami guided him back inside. They'd find Honda and Joey, regroup and decide what to do from there.

Keeping a close eye on his charge, Yami led the way, toward where they had last seen Joey.