Being a Waddle Dee is peaceful, right?
Not if you're in Dream Land.
You're always being bossed around by... who was that scamp's name again? King Dededo? Dedodede? Dedede? I think that's it. If he can't be bothered to remember our names, then I can't be bothered to remember his.
Oh yeah. My name is DeDe, though most of the other soldiers call me Dee. I like them. They actually bother to remember my name. There are a few that are notable.
Red, one of the minor Waddle Dees in our division. It's weird, because he isn't actually red. He's neon orange. I'd say he's the most terrifying of the Dees in the army. He always wears a black crown, and uses it to his advantage. The enemies (Mainly those things… Kirbies?) stare in awe, and they're open to attack. He was just promoted to be able to use a small knife to throw! Oh joy!
Whammy, one of the higher Waddle Dees in our division. He doesn't allow us to know his real name, so we call him Whammy. He's green (weird, I know) and he wears a red cape. Being one of the highest Waddle Dees in our division, he is allowed to use a variety of weapons. Namely, a battleaxe. I'm jealous of that guy, because I'm only allowed to use a few weapons. I use a trident. You'd think that a trident would be one of the best weapons. You're thinking wrong. You see, every low Waddle Dee known started to use a trident. To cut down on the costs of making them, they started to produce wooden tridents only. But then, the higher Dees started revolting, and they were given metal ones. But, we had to keep using the wooden ones!
You'd probably say "Use a different weapon then!"
Well, I'm three promotions up to the spear, and then they're only wood too. I've only got three weapons. A small stone knife, a blunt shortsword (I used that so much. It's actually made of iron. But of course, they wouldn't give me another made out of a metal.) and finally, a leather whip. Why don't I use that? It's because it's also broken.
So, I had two choices. Use a weak almost blunt trident, or use a tiny knife, only roped together. I'd go with the former.
And finally there's Squishy, my brother. He was named after those white squid things you sometimes see in the ocean. He's the same rank as me, and his sword is in perfect shape. I keep hassling him to trade it for both my weapons, but he always denies, saying it's "vintage". It's because he was ranked up only a few days ago. Plus, he also got a wooden shield to protect himself with, because he apparently "worked so hard!" I swear, every time I talk to him, before I even mention trading the sword, he boasts about how he's going to get promoted. It's getting damn annoying! He's so annoying; I plan to kill him some day!
When we're not going on expeditions to steal, er, liberate treasure from different places, me and my mates are chilling in the castle. It's not easy, with all that racket, and a fight in the bathroom every five minutes or so. Someone always needs to go to the hospital, and you cannot believe what happens when the hurt Dee sues his fighter… I dread even thinking of it…
Anyway, after that fairly long introduction, I bring you to an epic novel… the greatest ever!
It will wow you!
You will be dazzled!
You will enter a new stage of infat—let's get on with it.
In the Life of a Waddle Dee