Greetings dear readers. This fic came to me when watching Batman: The Movie, and I was amused by both the use of the Anti-Shark Repellent well as seeing that they had Anti-Whale, Anti-Barracuda and Anti-Octopus Sprays. So, I took an hour or two to bat (pardon the expression) this out. I hope everyone gets a chuckle out of it.

You all know my standard plea for reviews.

And awayyyy we go. :-D

Dave Lizewski, sighed as he hit the button that popped the trunk of the Mistmobile. He brought a gloved hand up to his masked face and pinched the bridge of his nose, suppressing a sigh.

"All right, let's go look." Mindy's voice said plainly from the passenger side of the vehicle as she raised the paper-cutter door and slipped her purple-clad form out of the passenger's seat and into the alley in which they'd parked. Dave opened his own door and followed his partner/best friend/girlfriend around to vehicle's rear.

Dave raised the trunk's lid all the way and looked in. Over the years he and Mindy had been working together they'd accumulated a lot of equipment. And now they were probably going to have to move it all.

"Hell, since when did we become pack rats?" Mindy muttered in disgust.

"It's not that bad."

"We're like the superhero version of that show Hoarders."

"No we're not."

"Yeah…right." Mindy chuckled. "OK, let's get this over with."

"Right" Dave said as he reached in and pulled out a device that resembled a half-sized bazooka tube, fitted with a shoulder stock, with a grappling hook projecting from the muzzle. "Plumett AL-54 Grappling Hook launcher." He said, removing the device from the trunk and putting it on the ground.

"Check. How's Todd coming with the hand-held one?"

"He says he's getting close to a field test. It won't have the power of this one, but it'll give us better portability."

"Good. This thing is a pain."

"It's easier than the AL-52." Dave said in reference to the base mounted version they used which was currently stored at the safehouse/garage. "What's next?"

"Tear gas launcher." Mindy said as she removed the Heckler & Koch HK68A1 in the MZP-1 mode that designated it as a launcher for tear gas grenades and smoke bombs.

"Check. Followed by…"

"Ammunition" Mindy as she removed a large, metal safebox from the trunk that contained their tear gas bombs as well as stun grenades and similar ordinance. "What's next?"

"First-aid kit." Dave responded as he pulled out a red bag from the trunk (obtained after they'd both completed an intensive three-day emergency first-air course with the Red Cross) that contained almost anything that could be needed until they got to professional medical help. If it was ever needed, two members of Justice Forever served as the team's go-to people for medical emergencies. Sting was an anesthesiologist and White Mage was a former combat medic. Together, the two of them kept Justice Forever patched up and ready to go after some rather epic battles with the criminal underworld. White Mage had also tutored the rest of Justice Forever in what to with certain combat injuries that standard Red Cross first-aid courses didn't teach.

"Fire extinguisher" Dave said as he removed a large, red multi-purpose extinguisher from the trunk and set it on the ground.

"Check. What else is there?" Mindy sighed.

"Snake-bite kit."

"Yes…Because there are so many poisonous snakes loose in New York City." Mindy said as she rolled her eyes behind her mask. "And how could I possibly forget…?"

"Antidotes" Dave said as he removed a case that contained antidotes to almost every known poisonous drug in common use. So far, the only time it was ever opened was when Dave went to check the expiry dates and occasionally make replacements.

"I still can't believe we keep those."

"What if we need them?"

"Do you seriously think we're going to have guys with blown-guns and poison darts coming up against us?"

"You never can tell." Dave said as Mindy rolled her eyes again. It confirmed her suspicion that Dave got off on being a costumed crimefighter even more than she did…and that was saying something. It was like everytime they inventoried their equipment, it made it all the more real for him.

"Crampons" Dave said as he pulled the traction aid that they would attach to their boots when scaling the wall of a building was required


"Night vision goggles."

"Check" Mindy acknowledged. "Rope bags"

"Check" Dave replied as he pulled out a trio of quite large, canvas parachute bag that contained all sorts of ropes used for both ascent and descent from buildings, including such accessories as ascenders, carabiners and belay devices. Their ropes tended to get replaced quite often due to both being abandoned out of either necessity or expediency; as well as a reluctance to stress ropes too often for safety reasons. "Leading us to…"

"Underwater gear" Mindy said she removed two diving masks (colour coordinated, of course), underwater flashlights, and Spare Air "bailout bottles" that would provide them with a very portable and convenient way to breathe underwater for a short time. They also had full SCUBA equipment –wet suits, dry suits, tanks, etc.- back at the safehouse. "And, your personal favourite…"

"Shark repellent" Dave said with a satisfied smile as he removed the item in question from the trunk.

"Alright, seriously…Do you know what the odds are of us EVER needing that?" Mindy said, even though she couldn't bring herself to get Dave to leave it behind at the safehouse or The Lair. He just thought it was so…cool to have with them.

"Fingerprint kits" Dave noted. "Extra wrist-ties"

"Check and check" Mindy said. "Crime scene kits"

"Check….You know, we should really keep this stuff closer to the top. We probably use them a lot more than the other stuff."

"You're right….Spare clothes."

"Check" Dave said as he saw two bags that contained spare civilian clothes for both Mindy and himself.


"It's in the back of the car." Dave said indicating the picnic cooler that they used to pack sandwiches, bottled water, and Gatorade.

"Right…So let's see…" Mindy said as she and Dave peered into the now empty trunk.

"Aw crap" Dave muttered as he looked in.

"Don't fucking tell me…" Mindy growled. "I can't believe it."

"I won't…But it doesn't change facts."

"I know!"

"Better call them."

"Shit! We'll never hear the end of this!" Mindy growled as she pulled her phone from her utility belt and punched in a number.

Thirty minutes later, a car turned into the entrance to the alley and shut off its headlights. In the driver's seat was Todd Haynes, aka Crosshairs. In the passenger seat, was Angela Sullivan, aka The Scarlet Wiki. Both were grinning broadly. In fact, Angela looked like she was in pain to keep from laughing. The two got out of the car and walked around to the back, with a deliberate slowness.

By the Mistmobile, Dave and Mindy stood with their arms crossed. They didn't say a word, quietly enduring the mocking by their friends/support team.

Todd's dark grey costume was a stark contrast to Angela's which was gold coloured with a red mask that matched her hair. (Angela didn't get a chance to wear it too often, as her main job was running their mission control. She did love the chances she got though, to do field work.) Todd reached into the trunk while Angela posed like one of the models on The Price is Right.

"And now, for the benefit of Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl, the awesome support team of Crosshairs and The Scarlet Wiki proudly present you with…" Angela announced dramatically as she fought off laughter while Todd pulled the object from the trunk.

"Your spare tire!" They chorused as they dropped the spare on the ground and rolled it towards the decidedly non-amused Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl, who stood by the Mistmobile. The items from the trunk were neatly stacked to one side, with the car's right rear side already jacked in the air. The flat tire that had abruptly curtailed the evening's patrol had already been removed. Dave sighed and accepted the spare tire from the chuckling Todd and began to fit it onto the hub.

"You two don't have to enjoy it THIS much." Mindy growled as she held the light for Dave as he fitted the nuts onto the tire.

"Yeah, I think we do." Todd replied as he put his arm around Angela's waist and pulled her in close to him, kissing her on the neck, as they watched the most respected costumed crimefighters in the world change a flat tire. "Need help?"

"Thanks, but I've just about got it." Dave said as he began to tighten the nuts onto their bolts with a lug wrench. "Why'd both of you come?"

"Well, it would've been no fun sitting at home alone waiting for Crosshairs to get back so we could finish watching the movie." Angela giggled. "Besides, when else would I get a chance to see this?"

"It's not that big a deal." Mindy grumbled.

"Oh come on…You two pretty much pack stuff for every conceivable emergency or situation…except a flat tire!" Angela laughed as she leaned against Todd warmly.

Dave and Mindy sighed and exchanged rueful grins as they began to jack the car down again. The worst part of it was, Angela was right. They mentally vowed that first thing in the morning, they'd be visiting the local Goodyear dealer. There was no way they'd be laughed at like this again.