Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Girls
George was reading the gossip column when his brother Jamie came into the room.
"You're not reading the gossip column are you," Jamie asked.
"I read it every day," George said, "I live in a house full of girls after all. I need to be kept abreast of what's going on."
"Well the stuff it says about me is 90 percent completely false and the 10 percent that is true was totally taken out of context."
"Of course it's taken out of context. It's a gossip column," George said.
"Well I certainly didn't do this," Jamie said, "I would never sleep with her. I love her dearly but she's my best friend not my woman."
"She's not anyone's 'woman'," George said, "She's not a piece of property."
"Sorry," Jamie said, "I forgot that expression bothers you."
"Don't think anything of it," George said smiling, "anyway I know you didn't sleep with her. We were at the movies at the time this article said you slept with her."
"Well I wouldn't sleep with her any time," Jamie said, "Also I did not strike RS"
"Oh please. First of all you would never even hit a bug," George said, "I remember you used to take the bugs outside and set them free. And then you would cry when they accidentally got killed. The idea of you hitting a human being in ridiculous."
"Well what happened was she was in a dangerous situation so I picked her up and carried her to get her to a safer place but I accidentally was holding her a little too tight."
"Jamie I know that," George said, "I was there. Even if you had gotten mad you would have had a good reason or you wouldn't have done it."
"But I never did done it," Jamie said.
"My point is that I trust you," George said.
"Well I appreciate that," Jamie said, "Look I'm not perfect. I've done stupid things before."
"Well there's a great story for the gossip column. Jamie is human," Blanche said coming downstairs.
"Hey sweetie," George said, "and Jamie I agree with her. There isn't a person in the world who hasn't done stupid things."
"You haven't," Jamie said.
"Last I check I was human," George said, "I've done plenty of stupid things. In fact I can remember a stupid thing I did about 7 years ago that I got heated up for."
"That was for driving when you were completely out of you head drunk. You nearly died in that accident," Blanche pointed out.
"Well you never... oh wait. You did to that," Jamie said.
"See," he said.
"Yeah but it's different with you," Jamie said, "I once kissed a girl that didn't belong to me."
"JAMIE," George exclaimed, "What did I say about not referring to women as property? Who was the girl?"
"Believe me when I tell you that you don't want to know," Jamie said, "I don't want you to stop loving me because of something stupid I did 10 years ago."
"I wouldn't stop loving you for ANY reason," Jamie said, "Besides you kissed her. It's not like you slept with her."
"I had a dream once that I did," Jamie said.
"I had a dream once that I was a frog," George replied, "But I still didn't wake up green and I still don't live in the water."
"So Jamie," George said, "Why don't you join us for breakfast?"