Smooth Criminal

Disclaimer- I own nothing of the Harry Potter world, unless the plots on my stories count. All of the money amking stuff belongs to Ms. J.K. Rowling.

Chapter One-Diagon Alley


For some reason, my mother is screaming my name. I hurry down stairs, wondering what could've caused my normally composed mother to scream as if there was a ghost in the house.

"Get the broom, get the broom get the broom get the broom!" She keeps repeating this in an unnaturally high and squeaky voice. I'm starting to wonder is she did see a ghost. Just then I hear it. There's a scratching at the window. Just outside there's a large tawny owl pecking and clawing our window. Honestly, after eleven years of living with my father she still insists upon having a fear of owls. Rather than open the window and letting the trained owl in, she screams for my father or I to bat at it with the broom each time there is an owl delivering post. I suppose her fear of owls wouldn't be such a problem, had she married a normal man with a normal life. My father is far from normal. Yes, there are the usual things that every family has to deal with from its reigning oddball, such as getting up at seven on every day including weekends, talking to the family pet in baby talk, making odd noises while drinking anything carbonated (Ok, so maybe that last one is just my dad), But in my family, our oddball has much more odd about him than your average oddball. My father is a wizard, has been his whole life. He is pureblood; however, he married my mother, a muggle. He was disowned from his family in the process of course, but, as he ends every story involving his and mom's love, nothing as petty as another human can interfere with true love. My father is also an animagus. Yes, it sounds cool, but as of yet there is no way to change the animal you turn into. So my father's power is decidedly uncool, for he changes into a sloth. Nope, not something fast and sleek, like, oh, I don't know, a cheetah maybe, or a leopard, but a sloth. His rear end turns totally to fat. Yeah, that's the amazingly special power my dad possesses. I've inherited this power (Along with the whole magic thing- Yeah, I'm a witch, what of it?) although instead of a sloth I turn into a turtle. Only slightly better than a sloth. I guess the boring animal trait runs in the family. Luckily I was also born a metamorphomagus. I guess that sort of redeems the whole turtle thing. But anyways, back to the task at hand.

As mom is still squeaking incoherently, and dad is currently at the Ministry, it looks like I'll be collecting the morning post. Reaching through the window, I allow the unfamiliar owl to enter the house. I take the only letter from its leg. The letter is thick, and addressed in emerald green ink:

Star Remedy Woodrow

The largest bedroom

1706 Tallulah Boulevard

Surrey, England

What the heck? Now that is strange. How would any wizard know that, being the spoiled little only child that I am, I received the master suite? The only witch or wizard to ever be in this house is my father and I. His parents have never visited (A product of the disownage) and dad hasn't ever had any wizarding friends over. I check for a return address, or even just a name, but find no such thing. I gingerly open the envelope, not knowing what to expect. I begin reading it as my mother reads over my shoulder. As soon as I get to the word Hogwarts I understand what this is. Quickly passing the letter off to my mother, I let out a woot and begin dancing through the house while singing "I've been accepted to Hogwarts!" at the top of my lungs. After about five minutes of this, my mom, being the party pooper that she is, tells me to quiet down and find some way to inform my father. She still doesn't want to say the word owl, much less use it as a verb. Oh mother, what are we going to do with you?

I find the family owl, a beautiful gray owl whose feathers seem to shine silver in the light. Her name is Sparkles. I named her myself, at the noble and respectable age of five. I quickly tie the hastily written scroll to her leg and tell her that it's for father. The letter reads:


Exciting news! Well, of course, why else would I write you at work…? Anyways, I was accepted into Hogwarts! I got my letter just after you left. It has a list of the supplies I'll need, and guess what? I don't have any of them! Not a one! You'll just have to take me to Diagon Alley when you get home! Right? Please daddy?

I love you,


I had written the letter with my favorite color changing ink that I got for my birthday on June the nineteenth. After sending the letter, it seemed to take my dad an eternity to get home. To help pass the time, I change into my favorite outfit, a green tank top and some shorts. I figure I ought to look my best if this is going to be my first experience regarding Hogwarts. Unfortunately this took me a total of about fifteen minutes because I already had my make-up on. Finally, after I was positive that I had died at least three times waiting, he got home. I wait patiently for us to finish the dinner of French onion soup that my mom had made and gave him time to read an article or two in the Daily Prophet that he always brought home from work, and then very politely (Or at least I hope so) screamed that I just had to go to Diagon Alley to get my school supplies right this minute or else I would most definitely die a young, violent, and ultimately very painful death. After shushing, scolding, and generally making me feel guilty for being so demanding and spoiled, he agrees to take me to Diagon Alley.

Although I have been to Diagon Alley many times, it never ceases to amaze me. When we get there, the first place dad takes me is Ollivander's. Ollivander's is an old, dusty shop with what seems like a million wands for sale. When we first walk in, I think it's totally empty. No one is at the counter. Dad tells me to go up and ring the bell, and then sits down in a spindly old chair. I do as he tells me and wait for someone to come. Soon an old man with piercing gray eyes and flyaway gray hair comes to the counter.

"Ah, Miss Woodrow. Glad to see you. I hope I find you and your family well?" I assume this is Mr. Ollivander. A quick glance at my father confirms this. Usually when my dad doesn't know someone he is way more guarded than he is right now. For instance, if he didn't recognize Ollivander he would be right at my side with a protective hand on my shoulder. He most definitely wouldn't be stretched back in a chair. As it is, I don't know how Ollivander already knew who I was. I nod my head, keeping watchful eyes on this new person. He seems to sense my tension because he then explains that he is an old family friend of the Woodrows and my father has owled him about me frequently. I feel substantially more at ease now. He proceeds to offer me wands to try waving, and each of them seems to cause some type of disaster around the shop. By the time we reach the tenth wand, I'm wondering if I'm ever going to find a wand, or if maybe I'm not a witch after all. I apologize profusely for damaging the poor man's shop. He finally hands me another wand. This one is ten and three quarters inches long, made of fir with a pheonix feather core. When he hands me this one, it feels… different. It vibrates slightly in my hand and grows warm, but not hot enough to burn me. With one smooth wave, a blinding light fills the room. It's as if the sun has taken up residence in the shop. Passersby are stopping to look in the window. Apparently most people do not experience this when being chosen by a wand. As the light recedes back into the wand, I see that all the damages I have caused are fixed.

"So I guess this is it," I say uncertainly. "I would think so," Ollivander states dryly. My dad pays eleven galleons and seven sickles for the wand and then we leave. When we're walking to Flourish and Blotts to buy my textbooks, I ask him what happened. He states simply that I'm powerful, more powerful than most witches and wizards, especially for my age. He tells me that I'll have it all explained to me by Dumbledore at Hogwarts. Sighing, I accepted this answer and proceeded to buy my books rather uneventfully. Dad then takes me to Madam Malkin's to buy my robes. Dad leaves me there to buy my robes alone, seeing as I know Madam Malkin and he says he has some 'errands' to run. Whatever that means… Just after my father had walked out and I'm walking toward Madam Malkin, a rather handsome, pale blonde boy walks in. He starts to push me out of the way so that he could be fit first, but for some reason he stops and apologizes as soon as he looks at my face.

"I'm so sorry, didn't mean to be so rude. I guess I'm just excited. I mean, I knew this was coming, being a pureblood and all, but still. Hogwarts!" He says all of this in a slightly undignified rush. "Erm, its fine. I'm Star, Star Woodrow. A lot of people call me Rems though. My middle name is Remedy, so it's kind of a shortened version of that." I respond. For some reason this boy's 'excitement' seems rather fake. He had apologized though, and I suppose that took some guts since he bumped me on purpose. I guess I could give him a chance.

"I'm Draco, Draco Malfoy. A lot of people call me… well, Draco," He finished rather lamely. What is wrong with this boy? I've seen boys act like this around older, prettier girls, but never around me. Is it possible that this boy…? No, no boy had ever liked me. I'm reading too much into this. "So you've known about Hogwarts for a while? I have too; my dad tells me so much about it. You know, I've heard that Harry Potter is coming to Hogwarts this year as well." I hope this is a normal response. I keep telling myself to just act natural, but this handsome young fellow may just fancy me! It makes it rather difficult! Oh dear... I sound like my grandmamma! "Yes, Father told me the same. I do hope he doesn't end up being some witless wonder. I also hope that, have he any brains, he ends up in Slytherin house with me." After this little speech of his, which happens to be the most understandable thing he's said thus far, I ask him how he already knows he'll be in Slytherin. I don't say this to him, but I've heard dad say that Slytherin is a horrible house full of mean people. Dad said all of his family had been in it except for him. This Draco kid seems sure that he is going to be in Slytherin, but he seems perfectly nice. Draco says his whole family has been for as long as anyone can remember. Well, who knows? Maybe he's going to be different, like my dad. As long as I'm not in Slytherin, I'm happy. Just then Madam Malkin comes to fit me, and Draco's mom, who is looking at dress robes, calls him over. At least I think that's his mother. If it isn't then she has the exact same chin. And nose. And… well, everything but hair, eyes, and height. Draco was most definitely going to be taller than his rather petite mother.

Madam Malkin leads me over to the stand to be fit. She asks what I need, and so I hand her the Hogwarts list. She bustles to the back and retrieves robes that seem at least five sizes too large. She slips them over my head and they fit like a sheet. Not good. She puts in about a million pins and waves her wand. The robes fit perfectly. I thank her and pay, then rush out to the street to wait for my father. He shows up a few minutes later carrying what looked like a cage and a basket. Both are covered by a blanket of some kind. When he gets right next to me he sets them both down and, with a flourish, pulls off the sheets with a booming, "Congratulations!" In the basket there is a Siamese kitten, and in the cage is a beautiful barn owl. I run up to my father and squeal out a quick "Thank you Daddy!" while giving him a hug, and then squat down with my new pets and pet each of them with one hand. I decide to name the cat Cocoa and the owl Sir Hoots-a-lot. We then get my potion ingredients and cauldron. Once we are in possession of all necessary items, we began heading back to the archway. Just then, I remember something else that we had to get: A Halloween costume! I tell dad, but to my surprise he keeps walking and leaves Diagon Alley. "Uh, Dad?" I want to ask him about this before we got all the way home. "We didn't get my Halloween costume, and I'm not allowed to just go to Hogsmeade and get it cause, you know, the whole third years and up thing." "I know we didn't get you one in Diagon Alley," he says, "We're going to get it at a muggle store." With that he side-along apparates me to an alley beside a muggle mall. I knew exactly where we're headed. While for my clothes I usually go to Hollister, Abercrombie, and Gilly Hicks, I go to Hot Topic for my make-up. Last Halloween when I was there they had the cutest Halloween costume ever and I really wanted it. But unfortunately, I already had my Halloween costume that year. I've been talking about it ever since.

You see, my all-time favorite movie is Alice in Wonderland. My mom showed it to me one rainy day, and it was the original. I thought it was okay, but didn't really like it all that much. Then the new version came out. That was when it became my favorite movie. The costume was a Red Queen costume. She isn't my favorite character (the Mad Hatter holds that prestigious title) but that costume was just amazing. Now, as we walk into the store, I'm super excited to finally be getting it. We go to the cashier and ask if the Halloween costumes are out yet, but he says no. Apparently they have the costumes in the back, but aren't putting them out until the beginning of October. Dad asks if it was possible for us to go in the back to find and purchase one seeing as I'm going to boarding school and therefore will not be able to come back later. The cashier allows this and leads us to the back to browse. We soon find the one that I saw the year before, and Dad buys it for me. Yay! When I tried on the costume, I changed my hair and such so as to look better in it.

Once we have our purchases, we go back to the alley and apparate home. I go to the basement to get a trunk out when mom hakes a very wise suggestion. In order to be more organized and bring more stuff, why don't I take my full luggage set instead? I think this is a great idea, and so instead pull all the pieces of my favorite luggage from my closet. I proceed to pack. By the time I get all of my decorations, make-up, shoes, school supplies, and clothes packed, I've filled all four bags to a breaking point. When I bring down all of my stuff, mom realizes that I don't have any toys, beds, or food packed for Cocoa or Sir Hoots A lot. Mom runs out to a muggle pet shop to get these things. She returned with all of the necessities. Now that I have all of my stuff ready, I can go to bed.

A/N- Sorry the chapter is kind of short, it was just kind of a plot outline to give a vague idea of where the story will be going.